Design your own fudge recipe (easy!)

Over the years I have refined my fudge recipe to match my cooking style: messy, impatient, and haphazard.  I've done the 'stir for 10 minutes over high heat' only to get extremely hot, with a tired arm, and a scorched mess too many times to count.  Then I discovered the microwave version.  And not only is it real fudge (you boil the milk, sugar, and butter, nothing else is actually fudge, no matter what the title of the recipe) but you can make pretty much any sort of fudge you want; you can make so much fudge you'll hate the very thought of it (yes, that is possible) and swear it off for the next two years, but you always come back, always...so here's the basic idea:

For a 9x9 pan (double for a 9x13 pan):

In a large (6-8 quarts, especially if doubling the recipe) microwave safe bowl combine:

1/2 cup (1 stick) real butter
5 oz (2/3 cup or 1/2 of a 10 oz can) evaporated milk
1 1/2 cups sugar (white for most flavors, but use brown for caramel fudge)

Microwave on high for 7-10 minutes, stirring every 2-3 minutes.  You should maintain a vigorous boil of the ingredients for at least 5 minutes, so if you have a wimpy microwave, have doubled the recipe, or are starting with frozen butter you'll want to cook for a longer time.  If it turns dark brown instead of a nice cream color (and you aren't using brown sugar), then reduce the cooking time on the next batch but it will still be very edible.  If you undercook it, it won't set so increase the time on the next batch but enjoy the 'failed' batch with a spoon or as ice cream topping!  This is the base of your fudge, now you get to customize it.

Mix in two cups of tiny marshmallows and anything else that needs to melt (peanut butter, baking chips, caramels...) and stir like crazy until everything is melted and smooth.  Then add flavoring (mint or vanilla extract) and anything you don't want to melt (m&ms, crushed candy canes or Oreo cookies...).  Then pour into a greased pan of the appropriate size and let it set before cutting and enjoying (though feel free to lick the spoon/bowl!).  Store in the fridge or freezer.

So what are some flavor variations, ideas to get you started?:

Chocolate: add 1 cup chocolate chips and a tsp of vanilla at the 'melty' stage, or use mint extract for chocolate mint!

Candy Cane: use 1 cup white baking chips at the melty stage, then stir in 1 tsp mint extract and 1/2 cup crushed peppermint candies.

Peanut Butter: add a cup of peanut butter at the melty stage and a half bag of m&ms at the 'stir in' stage.

Cookies and Cream: 1 cup white baking chips (melty) and 1 cup crushed Oreos (stir in).

Caramel: 1 cup white chips and 1 cup caramels (melty) plus use brown sugar instead of white.

So what kind will you make?  Coffee, pumpkin, cake batter, cookie dough, peaches and cream...?

Anglophiles unite!

It is so nice to know I'm not the only one!  Apparently there are many closet anglophiles among us, hence the need for this nifty little article outlining a proper English Christmas, even if you aren't marrying a Prince anytime soon, this is a fun peek into life on the other side of the pond.  Best of all, I was quite correct in assuming American taste in holiday music is atrocious, bring on the carols!  Though I will be passing on the Brussel sprouts...

In the closet

You can say just about anything in public nowadays pertaining to your personal habits and it is pretty much accepted, if not applauded as you being authentically you, as long as it isn't murder or otherwise criminal.  But I have recently discovered a loophole in those public accolades.  It isn't criminal.  It's even a good deed, a favor for some friends.  But I think I may have to relocate to the proverbial closet because of it.  A young lady we know is getting at adorable puppy for Christmas.  She can freely tell people and they're excited and congratulatory.  We on the other hand, are rather mum on the new addition to our household.  Yes, we agreed to watch a snake and its food: mice.  Yep, we're those people!  It's specieism pure and simple.  Other people get warm fuzzies, but our only warm fuzzies are snake chow!  But maybe it will keep the in-laws from visiting...I hadn't thought of that, perhaps there are advantages after all?  He's really a very nice snake...really!  But yeah, he's a snake...please excuse me while I go scouting for the best closet in which to lose myself...

Crescent Rolls!!!

I'm in love again, yep, my cast iron crush has given way to my infatuation with seasonal baking and what says 'Happy Holidays' like crescent rolls?  Thanksgiving, Christmas, midnight snack after feeding the baby...they're good anytime, but finding a descent recipe seems nigh unto impossible, until now!  I've tried, I really have, I'm so desperate to emulate the scary concoction that comes in the little tubes at the grocery store made out of things only pronounceable to an organic chemist that for some reason taste so good (in all their fake buttery glory) and come out so light and layered and fluffy, I just can't make a decent copy without resorting to the time consuming croissant/puff pastry type recipes which are tasty but ridiculously inefficient when you are making dinner for 17 and have 9 kids under the age of 5 all needing something NOW!

I've tried all the 'crescent roll' recipes in every church cookbook owned by myself or relatives back to great grandmas on either side.  I've exhausted Betty Crocker and her ilk all to no avail.  Yes, the rolls are buttery and have a nice flavor but they don't have the fluffy, layers from the 100% laboratory produced specimens.  Then I found this recipe.  They are easy, quick, and amazing!  Okay, when I say quick, I mean they are quick to come together but they need to sit overnight or for a couple days in the fridge so you need to plan ahead but otherwise they are amazing; you can also bake them and freeze them for future use.  You really do get light and fluffy and delicious!

I also used margarine instead of butter (cheapskate!) and as I didn't have evaporated milk I thought I'd boil some regular milk down and make my own, only to realize you also add water to the recipe, which made me wonder why on earth I was boiling down milk to make evaporated milk and then adding water back into the recipe, why not just use regular milk and be done with it?  So I skipped both the water and the evaporated milk and substituted straight milk for both (1 3/4 cups total I think).  Also, you want to keep your dough cold like you're making croissants or puff pastry otherwise it is a sticky mess.  When you divide it in quarters to roll it out, keep the unused quarters in the fridge until you are actually rolling them out.  Enjoy!

On trendy workouts and the dreams of little girls

I took a dance class when I was five and the most memorable part of the whole experience?  The Dr. Seuss bookmark we received as a parting gift of course...I don't think I'll ever live long enough to understand five year olds, even having been one and now owning one...maybe with the grandkids?  The great grandkids?  Oh well, back to the topic at hand, I was reading this article and though not particularly interested in the 'body image within ballet' topic of the article, there was an undercurrent of ballet's influence on modern culture that was very intriguing, including the mention of something called Barre.  Apparently it's a rather popular workout trend incorporating some of the aspects of ballet into the routine (yes, it's been popular for a couple years, but I live 80 miles from the nearest gym and several thousand miles from either coast!).  I've already developed a pointless affectation for floaty-twirly skirts and would love to sport the updos (though am grievously lacking in the hair required to do so) so why not look into a little of the physical training aspect of the discipline that I can possibly do at home (again, no gym or ballet studio for an obscene count of miles!).  So of course I googled it and found this article that has links to 7 different workouts and I chose one just to see what happened.

I am not coordinated enough for group activities like aerobics nor do I have the endurance for prolonged high energy output.  Combine that with shaky joints that like to hyper-extend and parts that don't stay in place (like knee caps!) and finding an exercise routine that will keep me interested, motivated, that I can do at home, and that doesn't kill me physically sounds like an impossibility, but I've been doing the workout I chose for 40 minutes a day 3 days a week and still look forward to my next class.  I really like that it works on building core strength and balance but also gives you the option of an aerobic workout if you're up for it; you can also modify the moves so they are more accessible to your physical needs and fitness level.  I will never audition for Swan Lake, but I've really enjoyed exploring this current 'fad' in fitness routines and more importantly, it gets me moving, keeps me moving, and motivated and that's a very good thing, especially with Christmas cookie season looming!

My good opinion once lost...

I remember someone had a shirt in high school (one of the few things I remember from that bygone era) that had a picture of a very grouchy looking Yosemite Sam on it with the saying, 'if I want your opinion I'll give it to you.'  I was rather puzzled back then as to the meaning of the shirt, but now I get it.  My only conundrum now is how is it that Yosemite Sam knows what it is to be a mother in this day and age?

I am so tired of everyone and their dog, well maybe not the dog, dogs at least don't talk, but everyone else has an opinion on what my baby should be doing at this moment developmentally and if she isn't,  they know instinctively how to rectify the matter, especially if they've never had kids.  Complete strangers at the grocery store, grandparents, the garbage man and UPS guy, the internet is rife with such personages...  Yes, she spits up, a lot.  No, she isn't sleeping through the night.  Okay, her head is maybe a wee bit flat but we have her on her stomach as much as physically possible.  Yes, we've tried just about everything, so please no more comments about cereal, which supposedly fixes everything from spit-up to midnight feedings (it doesn't, at least not for my kid), or burping or essential oils or...  Unless you spend 24/7 with this budding human, please do not weigh in on the subject unless asked, what worked for your kid or that internet guru may or may not work for ours, but we've probably already tried it, so thanks for your concern and good intentions, but please, no more good advice!

I think that may be the best gift anyone can give a mom, new or veteran: silence, blissful silence, at least when it comes to 'how' to mother.  She knows this child better than anyone ever will, she knows what works and what doesn't.  She's stressed and guilty and terrified enough, please don't make her feel even more so.  Give her your unflagging support and encouragement instead, tell her what she's doing well or that her baby looks great or just listen as she unloads verbally about sleepless nights and screaming infants or maybe even have a real adult conversation with her that has nothing to do with co-sleeping or organic diapers!

The Second Worst

So my all time least favorite Christmas song is 'Hippopatomus For Christmas,' yes it is cute and amusing the first time you hear it, but after that it is just plain annoying.  My next least favorite is 'Two Front Teeth,' and no, I won't justify such atrocious creations as 'Santa Baby' by calling it and its ludicrous cousins music so therefore they can't be on my list of least favorite songs.  Sadly, my son is singing the latter for his school 'Winter Concert.'  I've long dreaded the day when my own kids would have to sing such vapid ditties to satisfy the warm and fuzzy holiday yearnings of a politically correct parent population.  Personally I'd rather forego the exercise altogether, since there is absolutely no meaning in any of it, and have them sing some good secular music instead and reserve the 'Holiday Cheer' for a venue that actually places some meaning and value on the season, rather than singing mediocre music with a vaguely holiday theme that satisfies nobody.  After such a display I feel like I've bitten into a seemingly ooey gooey fudgie brownie only to discover it is one of those anathema vegan concoctions containing black beans and artificial sweetener instead.  I think Ebenezer Scrooge might have won the 'Christmas Wars' after all!  Maybe I'd better reread 'A Christmas Carol' just to make sure it ends how I thought it did.  I would love to know what Jane Austen would think of the absurdity of our modern notion that we must certainly celebrate Christmas but not in such a way that anyone would know that we're celebrating Christmas: I'll just have to mull over that amusing theory while listening to the next twelve years of requisite 'Winter' concerts, happy thought indeed!

Not your ordinary kitchen disaster

We all have our favorite kitchen disaster story, or own or one to rib a friend or family member with, but I just topped my own record.  I fell in love with a certain brand of honey mustard pretzels, and being the cheapskate, I mean frugal person that I am, I thought I'd save a few bucks and make my own.  I did an online search for recipes but the reviews all said there was little flavor or they were soggy; the recipe called for vegetable oil mixed with a little mustard, one reviewer suggested a water based glaze to avoid the soggy factor.  My brilliant idea was why not just use actual mustard, a whole cup of it, which I jazzed up a bit with some seasonings, coated my sourdough pretzels, and baked them in the oven until dry.  The pretzels turned out great, but apparently I unleashed a weapon even Hitler refrained from using: mustard gas.  I started getting a headache and sick to my stomach so I opened up the windows, turned on the oven fan, packed up the baby, and left the house.  Long story short, don't attempt this project without adequate ventilation or just spend the extra money and buy the pre-made pretzels!

The Stuff You REALLY Need immediately for a domestic infant adoption

I was just reading a blog post on what you need for an emergency adoption placement of a newborn and I was rather astonished that we had managed to survive without a great deal of those 'vital' supplies.  We had no organic baby shampoo or hypoallergenic laundry soap, let alone a bottle sterilization system.  While all that stuff is trendy and nice if you can afford it, the truth is, adoption is expensive and unless you are very well off, most of it isn't really worth it: your child will grow up just fine on store brand formula.  So what does the cash-strapped hopeful adoptive family really need?

Every child and every adoption is unique.  Some people are matched the day their homestudy is approved while others wait years.  Some find out they will be parents the day the child is born while others have six months to prepare.  Some folks start decorating the nursery and stashing onesies the minute they start filling out paperwork while others don't have the heart to invest in (or look at) that unused baby gear for what might be years (or never).  There is no right or perfect way to go about, but there are some basics that every newborn needs.  And even if you can't stand to look at all that cutesie gear and empty nursery, it wouldn't be a bad idea to stash a prepared diaper bag and some basic equipment in the back of a closet, just in case you get 'the call' and need to go, now!  Another consideration is where are you adopting from?  Will you be flying or driving?  If you are flying, it may be more convenient to buy much of the bigger/awkward stuff when you get there, but also consider that you may not feel much like shopping during or after the whole ordeal as you'll be exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally (trust me, you will!).  This list also assumes a healthy child without major complications or issues.  If your baby is born prematurely, hooked on drugs, or with a major health concern, obviously your needs will be far different!

Sleeping: while newborns sleep a lot, it is never when, where, or how you plan it.  Neither of ours slept in the crib until 3-4 months of age, preferring a bassinet or even the car seat (you do what you must to survive!).  If you'll be traveling or stuck in a hotel room for any amount of time, consider something portable.  Most newborns seem to prefer something snug and some prefer a slight angle (rather than laying flat).  There are all sorts of ingenious options out there nowadays so take a look even if you don't want to invest in a crib just yet.

Feeding: buy a can of formula (or stock up on freebie sample cans) and get a set of bottles, also get a basic bottle brush and a drying rack.  While you may be one of those super-parents planning to induce lactation, you never know what is going to happen or when.  All formula must be FDA approved so it really doesn't matter which brand you get and most kids do fine on the regular stuff, reserve the more expensive 'gentle' stuff for those with an actual sensitivity issue.  You don't need to sterilize the bottles or boil the water or even warm the bottle.  Room temperature tap water is just fine for a healthy, full term baby and a thorough wash and rinse with plain old dish soap and water will clean your bottles just fine.

Diapers: buy the biggest box of size 1 disposable diapers you can find from the brand of your choice, though I'd start with a national brand and experiment with generics once all the adoption/new parent excitement has worn off.  Skip the Newborn and Preemie size (unless you have a preemie or 4 pound twins) otherwise you may never use them or they'll outgrow them in a week.  Skip the diaper pail for now and buy a roll of doggie poop bags at the dollar store for messy diapers and just toss the wet ones in the regular trash.  Also get a multipack of disposable wipes with the plastic, reclosable lids.  Don't worry about the cloth diapers right now, again, something to try when life gets dull.  Also get a tube of diaper ointment of your choice, just in case.  A blanket or towel works great as a changing pad too!

Clothes and Accessories: footie pajamas.  That's all you'll need for the first three months, really!  Skip the newborn size and get 0-3 month or even 3-6 months in a gender neutral color.  Okay, get a few cute things for pictures and that sort of thing, but for convenience, hygiene, and warmth, you can't beat footie pajamas.  A diaper bag that both parents feel comfortable with is a necessity, but think outside the box: messenger bag, backpack, etc.  A few soft, absorbent bibs just in case you get a 'spitter' are a good idea to have on hand along with a few blankets and burp clothes (cloth diapers, receiving blankets, even hand or dish towels work) are also a must.  A car seat cover or some heavier blankets are necessary if you will be taking your baby out in the winter (forget the bunting or snow suit at this point).

Carseat and stroller: you can't leave the hospital without a car seat and if you plan on lugging junior around for any length of time, get a stroller to go with it.  If you will be flying or stuck in a distant state for any length of time waiting for paperwork to clear, you'll want a stroller (unless you want to spend 10 days in your hotel room).  You don't need the $750 travel system, the basic sets from your local big box store work just as well.  Don't even worry about an extra 'base' at this point, as most can be easily strapped in with a regular seat belt.  Just make sure you buy one new and watch the expiration date.

Other handy items for baby: a pacifier, an infant carrier (the kind where you can 'wear' your baby), baby soap and lotion (get the travel size initially), nasal saline drops and a bulb syringe for a stuffy nose.

Handy items/tips for the adoption experience: get a real camera and learn how to use it while you wait for 'the call,' find a thoughtful gift for the birth parents (we gave them a nice frame with a picture of them and the baby), book a nice hotel room with a kitchenette or find something homey on sites like Airbnb if you will be staying somewhere for any length of time, arrange with friends/family ahead of time to have someone to watch the kids/pets/house on a moment's notice because you just never know!

The List:

-portable, snug sleeping contraption
-formula
-4-6 bottles, brush, and rack
-size 1 diapers (name brand)
-wipes
-doggie poop bags
-diaper ointment of choice
-8-10 footie pajamas size 0-3 and 3-6 month
-bibs (3), blankets (3-5), burp clothes (5-10)
-carseat and stroller ('a travel system')
-pacifier
-wearable infant carrier
-baby soap/lotion in travel size
-nasal saline drops/bulb syringe
-camera, data cards, batteries
-gift for birth parents

Happy Fall!

My mother used to make 'donut muffins' when I was a kid, they were good but I've only made them once since they are messy, sticky, and may not be worth the effort.  But what happens when you combine 'donut muffins' with apple cider?  These might have been the best thing I've ever made!  Yes, they are a little messy but they are totally worth it.  What a perfect fall treat!

And as an added bonus, if you read the comments section beneath the recipe, there's an amusing anecdote from an individual who can't understand why the recipe failed and was completely inedible, hint: this recipe calls for apple cider, not apple cider vinegar!  Ugh!

Sugar Cake (in the cast iron skillet)

I've never heard of Sugar Cake before, nor thought much of baking in cast iron, but both are a good idea.  It's easy, it's moist, it's wonderful, and it's cast iron, enough said.  Try it!

The daring (ham) adventure (sorry, not cast iron but still delicious!)

What would you say if I told you to boil your 10# ham in vinegar for 3 hours?  That's about what I thought when I saw this recipe, but it won't ruin your ham, honest!  And it is as good as the authoress claims.  I dare you!

Chicken Parmesan (for the cast iron skillet and no breading!)

I love breaded, fried chicken, but this recipe omits both messy necessities and shows it can still be wonderful!  Enjoy!

The mommy wars, solved!

It's time to quit arguing amongst ourselves about the best and only way to raise kids and balance motherhood with a career and beating ourselves up over seemingly impossible choices, someone has finally discovered the answer to the 'mommy wars!'  Or so I hope, find the article here.

Cinnamon Apples for the cast iron skillet

I'm having a dangerous affair with cast iron folks, and guess what, every recipe I try that actually works and is wonderful (so far everything I've made, there's a reason I'm in love) I'll pass on to you.  These apples are fabulous, no more drooling jealously over those steakhouse sides when I can make it at home!  Recipe here.

The search is over, a stuffed crust pizza that doesn't leak!

I'm having a dubious flirtation with a 12" cast iron pan right now, mostly pizza for some reason, but I'm in love and something tells me this fling will last a lifetime, or at least the pan will and then some.  I've spent years trying to find the secret to a stuffed crust pizza (a pizza with melty wonderful cheese lurking inside the crust) that doesn't leak cheese everywhere and I may have actually stumbled across the secret.  I managed to do it with my pretzel/bagel cheese bites by boiling the dough before baking but you can't exactly boil a pizza crust, I'm sure someone has but I have no wish to try!  Usually the cheese melts and the water vaporizes and the expanding gases rupture the crust allowing the cheese to ooze all over everything, but not this time.  I've tried sealing the seams really well, I've poked air vents of every shape and size, but still no luck.  The rimmed pan must be the secret, because the pizza I made in the cast iron skillet came out lovely and wonderful and the crust was cheese filled and completely intact.

Here are the basics, adjust to personal taste:

1/2 pound pizza dough (I used a half recipe, ~2 cups of flour, of regular white dough from the bread machine)

Sauce, cheese, toppings, spices, oil of preference.

A 12" cast iron pan.

Oil the pan well and preheat oven to 500 degrees F.  Roll dough into a circle slightly larger than the pan.  Place the dough in the oiled pan, make sure it is snug against the iron with excess draped over side.  Cut preferred cheese into ~3/4 inch diameter strips and line the edge of pan with cheese (or use string cheese).  Flop dough from sides of pan over cheese and seal the seams, cut away excessive dough.  Add 1/2 cup of your favorite sauce, top with 2 cups of your favorite shredded cheese, and 1/2 cup of your favorite toppings.  Oil the exposed crust and shake parmesan, basil, and garlic over everything.  Heat skillet on stove top over medium heat, just until pan is hot, about 2-3 minutes, being careful not to scorch pizza crust.  Once pan is hot, stick in over and finish baking until crust is golden and the cheese is bubbly.  Let sit a few minutes then enjoy!

Another adventure in plant keeping

I tried to force some bulbs a few years ago when I found them on clearance after Christmas, that really was more a mess than anything.  Now I'm going to try growing a lotus in the house.  I'm not sure they can survive our ridiculously short winter days, but if that doesn't work, there's always next summer.  I can't find much on the interweb about the subject, plenty on growing them outside or in general, but not much on the smaller varieties (the bowl lotus) as houseplants.  So I will conduct the grand experiment and let the anxious internet community know how it goes.  The seeds are inexpensive on amazon so even if it fails, I'm not out much besides a little messing around, besides, this is for posterity!

The Professional Mom

As you might be aware, we had a wonderful baby girl join our family rather unexpectedly six weeks ago, getting notice the day she was born and bringing her home two days later.  We flew to Boston and back with a 2 week old infant and survived.  The next already scheduled, too late to cancel item on the to-do list was a professional conference to fulfill my continuing education requirements for licensure.  Can you even bring an infant to a professional conference?  As a pastor's wife, I was used to seeing the new moms in back with their tiny children at various ministry events but this was the professional world, certainly not as family friendly as your average women's conference!  There was nothing saying that she couldn't come but there were no guidelines saying she could.  So I decided to risk it, at least if it was okay with the lady I was staying with, she gave the okay so I tried it.

I remember some of the larger conferences providing day care, nursing facilities, and changing rooms for moms with small kids so at least there was some expectation of family needs at something of the sort.  If this was a first child or she was a fussy baby, I'm not sure it would work, or even if she was a bit older and didn't sleep the majority of the time it might have been awkward, but as she settles down the second you stick a bottle in her mouth, she did phenomenal.  She was also a pretty good plus one, as I'm pretty socially inept when I don't know anybody but a baby is an easy conversation starter with just about anyone.  I even managed to learn as much as usual.  I wasn't the only one with a small child or two in tow either.  I think it is actually quite doable with the right child and the proper planning and consideration for others (they are paying good money to be there, they didn't come to hear a screaming child).

We sat in back, ready to flee the room the moment the baby started to fuss inconsolably (she didn't).  I was prepared for all eventualities (bottle ready, pacifier, car seat for naps, blanket topped empty chair for stretching out/tummy time, baby carrier for hands free 'I need to be held' time).  I got there early and left last to avoid crowding and to set up/break camp.  Everything was lecture style in a hotel conference room so it was easy enough to just sit and listen/jot down notes, but this really would have been a horrible idea had we been actually doing anything active (nothing like sticking your arm up a cow's butt while wearing a baby!) or been moving around much.  Also consider the venue: an adult only resort, a boat, or third world nation would not have been a good idea.  We also skipped most of the social functions (an 8 hour day was long enough for the poor kid, staying up until one at the bar fraternizing afterwards would have been pure misery!).

Things not to make at home

I love baking, cooking, and the related arts (explosions, fire, smoke, visits from the local firefighters or those nice people from the Health Department, food poisoning...).  If you can buy it in a store, you can probably make it at home with a little trouble and creativity (and google), this is a great option for the health conscious, those who love the culinary arts, those with allergies, or those looking to save a little bit on groceries, but there are definitely a few things I've discovered that are best left to the experts.  Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.  I can certainly remove large, nasty tumors from a variety of mammalian species but doing that to myself would not be considered wise.  There's nothing wrong with attempting just about anything food-wise at home however (though it does occasionally involve sharp pointy objects and heat producing implements) and if you are the adventurous sort, want a challenge, or a fun family project, by all means give it a try, but here are a few things I've discovered are far more economical and less mess to just buy outright:

Tortillas: I've finally mastered the homemade tortilla but they are putzy and messy (though very tasty) and since they are really cheap in the store for very decent quality this is an easy one to buy by the 20 pack!

Wonton wrappers: see tortillas, they are cheap and really a mess to make.

Croissants: delicious but it takes 8 hours to make a dozen that are gone in 5 minutes, do the math!

Puff pastry dough: see croissants.

Most candy: candy is definitely an art I have not mastered, though I love microwave fudge variations but beyond that (i.e. taffy, caramels...) it might be better to leave this to a professional!  The constant stirring over a hot stove is a turn off as is the ease with which you can under cook or scorch it.

Jam: unless you have a very prolific tree or a large berry patch, between buying fruit and the mess, this can be an expensive disaster.

Narrow pasta: I make lasagna noodles all the time, but fettuccine gets a little tedious, unless you have one of those machines.

Lefse (or other ethnic specialties your grandmother from the Old Country did not personally teach you to make that will be eaten by someone else from the Old Country): I married a Norwegian, that doesn't mean I have the slightest idea of how to make (or inclination to make) a potato tortilla.  Don't even get me started on lutefisk (though krumkake is pretty easy and tasty).

Head cheese: go eat a hot dog, unless of course you need to use up that pig's head in your pantry!

I'm sure there are a bunch of things I'm missing, but that will get you started (or not, actually!).

Oven Roasted Corn on the Cob

Like sweet corn?  Go here and do what she says, you'll never boil corn again!  Very easy, no mess, great flavor, and so worth it!

Why didn't I think of that?

This is a rather ingenious way to defuse a situation that may lead to a tempestuous altercation and a whole lot more pain and misery in your relationship.  It is so simple, yet so brilliant, if only I had thought of it a decade ago!

Second time around

I think we are scaring potential parents (teachers, grandparents, babysitters, medical professionals, government officials...) witless.  From the warnings on every single plastic bag not to wear on your head to the drowning warnings on five gallon pails to the warning labels plastered all over the cute fabric that would otherwise cover the infant car seat to the poster warning that children are routinely smashed by large, falling appliances, one would think it is a miracle anyone survives infancy!  Yes, some care and provision must be taken with the most delicate amongst us, but do we need public service announcements warning against any and every freak accident that may assault us and our children at any moment?  When will they start putting a warning sign in your car that lights up every time you decide to go for a (decidedly risky) drive that auto accidents are a leading cause of death...?

But as a mom 2.0, it is actually amazing what won't kill your child.  All those freaks and fears that internet message boards and morbidly pessimistic great aunts have been warning us against for years really are okay.  I hopped on a plane (with the baby) two weeks after our second child was born (having had notice of her arrival the day she was born and leaving the hospital with her two days after that, talk about short notice!), a feat I hardly would have imagined possible with our first.

The stroller now lives in the garage instead of being hauled out of the closet every time we want to go for a walk.  A little diaper bag with feeding necessities and a diaper or two is enough for a quick jaunt across town (rather than the 75 diapers, 9 outfits, and 35 oz of formula we hauled around for our son's first outing).  The bottles get washed at least once a day (versus sterilized after every use) but are only rinsed and air dried between feedings.  She naps wherever it is convenient with the hustle and bustle of household noise and traffic and light going on, versus completely dark and silent in the nursery.  She's actually seen the sun a time or two and hasn't melted.  Generic formula hasn't killed her or even stunted her growth.  She can cry for 2 whole minutes without exploding.  A little regurg doesn't necessitate a bath and full wardrobe change for everyone involved.  Diaper pail?  That's what plastic shopping bags are for!  She has yet to stop breathing the moment I step out of the room or dare sleep.

It's kind of fun being an old hat at this, there is so much less worry that I can actually enjoy it this time around.  There also seems to be less unwanted advice from most quarters though there are a few sticklers who are convinced there is only one right way (their own) to raise children, but a 95% reduction is a vast improvement.  I should have had my second child first!

A survival story

Well, I flew with a baby and survived, but more importantly, so did she.  I don't have experience (yet) of flying with an actually active and alert infant, she's still in the newborn coma stage which made it rather easy from that standpoint.  The best advice I gleaned from the interweb was to 'wear' your baby, thus freeing up your hands and also making it easy to get through the TSA scanner thing, but to this I will add: have an infant carrier that is easy to get the baby on and off, as you'll have to do this on the plane and for more practical baby care reasons.  My first carrier (which I left at a store once after using only twice, though my son detested it) would have been a nightmare as it was nearly impossible to get on and off without help, while this one I picked up secondhand actually had a little doohickey that allowed for easy insertion and removal of my 'small personal item.'

Take advantage of the perks of traveling with an infant (yes, there are a few).  There are apparently 'family' lanes through security though we didn't encounter one (small airport).  You can check a stroller and car seat for free.  Sometimes you can swap for a window or aisle seat or get seated next to your traveling companion, depending on the flight and your seat mates, don't be afraid to ask.  We were also allowed to board early to stow our gear and settle the baby.

There are snags as well.  We had a rather long delay and on the late flight were both stuck in middle seats well away from each other, but we survived.  Take a friend/spouse if possible; we also left our 5 year old with relatives.  Wear a backpack as part of your carry on luggage to free up your hands.  While we packed a diaper bag (counted against our luggage allotment) I also carried a small diaper bag with easily accessible essentials and it doubled as a purse.  We also had the friends we would be staying with get diapers and formula for us so we wouldn't have to pack extra.  I'd also recommend packing only essentials (less stuff to carry/forget), as I left my camera in Boston in the 4am rush to make our 6am flight which was also a bad idea as we barely made the flight and were really stressed in process but we made the reservations not thinking we'd have an infant in tow.

So it is very possible, but like everything concerning airports these days, it is a hassle.  Plan ahead and plan for the worst and you'll do just fine!

Guest blogger, sort of

For all you over achieving ladies (and gentlemen) out there, here's a pretty good article on avoiding burn out.

Flying with a baby: a soon to be released epic movie.

So I'm about to embark on an experience I have never before had: flying with a baby.  If those mythical storks can do it, you'd think a commercial airline could handle it.  We've had this trip planned for nearly six months, it was the third passenger who was a last minute addition.  But the airline and the Pinterest articles all assure me it is possible.  I've always hated airports, I'm not really big on crowds, crunched timelines, and strip searches.  Adding a baby to the mix just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen but I'll let you know, if I return to tell the tale!

Only a lady 'mechanic'

I am not a mechanic by any means, but being the most mechanical person in the house, sometimes you've just got to figure out a way to fix things, and happily there is google and Pinterest when you haven't a clue where even to begin.  Someone gave us a sofa that weighed a ton and would have been impossible for the two of us to move into the basement from the garage where they had left it.  It did come apart but the screws were corroded and impossible to turn.  In the message section on one such 'how to loosen rusty bolts' article, someone mentioned using 'oil of wintergreen,' which rather confused the author of the article (being of the male persuasion) but I knew immediately what the poster meant.  I didn't have oil of wintergreen but I did have oil of peppermint for the occasional spastic gut, and since it was buy 2 bottles get 3 free I had more than I could take in a lifetime.  I cut open the tip of the gel caps and applied it liberally to all accessible parts of the bolt and screw, let it sit, and then was able to loosen the screws.  I didn't have any petroleum based screw looseners, but I had plenty of peppermint oil, and it smells better too!

The peculiar hobbies of the freakishly frugal

I'm not sure how I fell into it, but it seems I have developed something of an obsession with revamping old lampshades.  That was exciting, wasn't it?  Probably not.  New they can set you back a good $15-20 or maybe more, depending on size and trendiness.  But you may have several shabby or unprepossessing specimens lurking about the house or find a couple at the local thrift store or the neighbor's yard sale for pennies.  There is a vast array of sizes, shapes, materials, colors, and construction so it useless to try and give an overview here but a quick search on Google or Pinterest will yield an overwhelming assortment of ideas to get you started.  But there is minimal skill or equipment required for many ideas: a hot glue gun, spray adhesive, mod podge or a little paint, an old t-shirt or some scraps of paper or lace or ribbons or even buttons.  You can paint them, recover with a material of your choice, or even mod podge something over top.

I had a very unexciting specimen (my first attempt): an off-white ruffled thing, full of dust; it had a cracked plastic base thanks to a certain two-year old and I figured it was done for.  I ripped off the cloth cover, stabilized the cracks with clear packing tape, and recovered it with a bit of fabric and spray adhesive and it looks great.  I didn't want to go out and buy something to cover it, so I tried to use something from around the house but couldn't find anything to fit my fancy (or my living room) that I wanted to part with.  I had an old table cloth (white) from my grandmother (not an heirloom, just something she didn't want but couldn't throw out so she figured I needed it) that had a nice textured floral pattern but I didn't want another whitish lampshade.  The walls are white, the carpet beige, do I really need more colorless neutral tones?  Of course I would dye the silly thing, because that is what every sensible person thinks of in cases like these, right?  Actually I had a jar of 'instant rust' left over from a wood aging project (basically vinegar and steel wool in a jar) and as I knew rust was a horrible stain, could I use it to somehow banish that horrid whiteness from my tablecloth?  I googled it and apparently you can (so now I'm naturally dyeing fabrics as well as revamping lamp shades, who knew I was this creative?!...I'm not, it just looks that way).  It came out a nice dark coral-ish color (and happily a few shades lighter than the dried blood shade it could have been).

You don't need to do anything that lavish, I just used what I had lying around the house and it was fun just to try different things.  It can update your decor rather inexpensively and who knows, you may discover a hobby of your own!

Taco Pasta Salad

It's summer and I love taco salad, but I was fresh out of lettuce, so I googled taco type recipes and discovered that maybe I could still get the taste without the greenery.  The solution: make a taco salad with pasta instead of lettuce (use whole grain if you want to make it healthy, I won't tell you my preferred species of greens either, as that would only get me in trouble too!).

In a skillet:

Brown 1 pound ground beef with a chopped onion, drain fat and add a packet of taco seasoning and a large can of diced tomatoes, undrained (28oz).  Cook until thickened and heated through, chill until cold.

Meanwhile, prepare one pound of rotini (or other small pasta) according to package direction, rinse under cold water and mix with meat mixture.

Once chilled, mix in 2 cups of sharp cheddar cheese and any desired veggies (peppers, olives, corn, beans, you could also go fresh on the tomatoes and onion too instead of cooking it with the meat).

Mix in salsa, French dressing, taco sauce or any other desired flavoring agent as well, or serve on the side so people can customize the flavor.  Crush up nacho corn chips and mix in right before serving.  Serve cold and keep refrigerated.

This ain't my grandma's rolling pin?!

I've never bought a rolling pin, I inherited two from my great grandmother, one I used and the other was resigned to my son's play dough obsession.  Then my pin broke and I had to recommission the play clay pin back into service but while it had adorable red handles, the handles were already starting to fall off.  So I had to buy a rolling pin.  I had no idea there were so many shapes, types, and materials before.  Where do you even start?  So I did the wise thing and googled it.  I found a great article and ended up ordering their second pick off Amazon because I had a few other things to get and I like free shipping.  I was certainly leery about ordering that my husband called 'a baseball bat' and looks to all extents and purposes like a club, but I had ordered it and it was too late to cancel the order.  I'm used to the traditional pin, not just a straight hunk of wood!

But it came and I tried it.  It was wonderful, I love it, I feel like I've just discovered the wheel, except it's a stick.  Weird!  Now I have two feet of solid maple lurking in a kitchen drawer to wield against various types of dough and insolent banditti and it will literally last forever (unless the house burns down or my son gets ahold of it for batting practice).  The only downside was that some genius decided to stick a very superior label (in its adhesive abilities) to the working surface of the pin (a common complaint in the comments on this particular item) but using a remedy recommended in said comments, I applied canola oil to the label, letting it soak in for a few minutes and then used my finger nail to gradually loosen the edges (adding more oil as necessary) and eventually got it off without damage.  I ended up oiling the entire pin because it seemed to make the wood a bit smoother and deepened the color, it seemed a little dry prior to that, but besides for the label snafu, it is a superior product, and this from the person who never knew there was such a thing just the week before!

The Gospel according to Food

Gluten free, fat free, non-gmo, organic, kosher, no high fructose corn syrup, all natural, whole grain, no antibiotics or hormones...what does it all mean?  How do you choose what to eat when all the food labels boldly proclaim what isn't in a product but really don't say much about the product itself?  If you eat the wrong thing, it will kill you, right?  Or at least give you cancer or destroy the planet or...or...or...?  How much is based on science and how much is just Big Food jargon or originated in the ravings of a paranoid lady in Peoria and went viral on the internet before seeping into our cultural subconscious.  Here's a quick guide to some of the most common jargon, fads, and trends currently in foodie vogue in common English without the hype:

Gluten free: no, it isn't the substance responsible for producing the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles, it is simply a protein found in wheat.  That's it.  If you have wheat or gluten sensitivities/allergies or Celiac disease, it is best to avoid it (as you should anything you are allergic or sensitive to, be it penicillin or bees).  For the rest of the population, you can choose to eat gluten containing products or not at your leisure.  It won't kill you or cause cancer, it may make you fat if you eat too much of it (just like any other calorie containing product).  So why is gluten free a selling point?  I have gluten free salt.  Which is really stupid to put on the label as a health claim as salt obviously does not contain wheat and thus no gluten (though it may be produced in a factory that processes gluten products, that is a helpful note for our friends with Celiac, but otherwise it is rather ridiculous!).

Fat free: the item in question has no calories from fat.  But what is the carbohydrate content?  No calories from fat, but probably plenty from sugar.  I saw this on a bag of jelly beans, which isn't exactly health food, whereas real beans have a little fat in them, go figure.

Non-GMO: this stands for non-Genetically Modified Organism, which involves most species on the planet.  The last time I heard, I think there were 11 commercially available crop species (but no animals) that have any sort of genetic modification.  So when something like your favorite Oat Cereal says 'non-GMO' it can proclaim it boldly because there isn't a genetically modified strain of oats available thus all oats are non-GMO.  As for the health claims of non-GMO, I'm not sure how there is much of a difference between a GMO and a non-GMO corn plant or soybean.  Every living cell contains DNA (or genetic material) and lots of it.  The only difference between a GMO and a non-GMO whatever is that a certain segment of DNA has been added or removed from the GMO (hence the modified), we're talking a gene or two worth of genetic information, think a few inches worth of molecules on a strand that stretches for miles (yep, just a teeny tiny bit).  What's the point?  Why mess with the genetic code?  It is done to make a certain plant drought tolerant, resistant to certain pests or herbicides, more productive, etc.  Yes, that's right, it is done to make farming more efficient and safe, to feed hungry people in adverse conditions, it reduces water, chemical, and land usage/contamination so it can be better for the environment and humanity than standard crops.  Humans have been using genetic modification techniques for as long as we've been farming.  Selecting one bull or the seeds of a certain plant over another is genetic selection and hence modification, though it can take centuries to select for a certain trait by breeding for it, this just speeds the process up.  I want my wheat to be as drought resistant as that weed over there...so you 'cut and paste' the drought resistant gene out of the weed into the wheat, otherwise leaving the wheat unaltered.  But what happens to this modified DNA in the human body; is it safe?  It gets broken down in the stomach like every other piece of DNA you ingest (every cell you consume contains lots of DNA) and your body can't differentiate if that gene is native to the corn you just ate or came from the bacteria you swallowed along with it; it all gets broken down into its constituent parts. It doesn't cause cancer or mutant children or anything of the sort, it is just another hunk of genetic material to your body's perception and digestion, and equally delicious and nutritious.

No high fructose corn syrup: I really don't get this one.  What is so evil about this particular kind of sugar vs. all other types of sugar?  Most of the products sporting this label claim are loaded with other types of sugar, including regular corn syrup, so it really isn't any better for you that way.  And don't be fooled by products containing things like 'evaporated cane juice,' which is just sugar by another name.  Sugar is sugar, even by another name, it still tastes as sweet.  So eat sugar, or don't,' but don't be fooled into thinking something has less sugar in it just because it doesn't contain a certain type.

All natural: this can mean anything or nothing, Organic has a legal definition, but anything can be 'natural.'  Think of Twinkies, Oreos, and Mountain Dew sporting that label!  Speaking of which, strychnine, botulism toxin, and mercury are all quite natural too.

Whole Grain or Real Fruit: read the label on supposedly 'whole grain' products carefully, the same goes for juice and other 'fruit' products.  All they need is a pinch of whole wheat or real fruit and they can label it 'whole grain' or 'real fruit.'   If 'whole grain oats' are listed next to the salt on the ingredient label, the thing is 97% non-whole grain; the same goes for the fruit, many juices are 10% juice and 90% sugar!  Look for 100% whole grain or fruit products or whole grains or fruit as the first ingredient on the list.

No antibiotics or hormones: news flash: there aren't detectable traces (some measured in parts per billion) of pesticides, herbicides, antibiotics, hormones, fungicides, anthelminthics...in your food.  It is illegal and they are quite thorough in their testing methods (and grouchy and severe if you get caught).  Something may say it doesn't have antibiotics in it and it is quite right, but then neither does the stuff without the label, so why put it on the label to begin with?

Kosher or Halal: these are terms denoting the food item was produced/processed according to the religious tradition in question and has very little to do with the actual healthiness or quality of the product, very important if you are a follower of that particular religion but rather moot for everyone else.

Organic: this is a legal definition and the rules are defined by someone in the labyrinthine bureaucracy of the federal government who may or may not know anything about agriculture, science, or humanity.  Whether it is actually healthier for you and the planet and is kinder to production animals is yet to be seen.  And whether it is worth paying 2-5 times the price for the same product to the average consumer is also a good question.  I don't have much personal experience with organic plants, but I've worked for a number of organic and conventional farms (mostly dairy cattle, a few poultry, beef, and goat operations too) but there isn't a huge difference in the way the animals are treated, their environmental footprint, or the overall production methods between organic and conventional farms, but it does vary greatly between farm and farm (regardless of organic or conventional).  The worst farm I ever visited was a producer of a locally well known and expensive brand of organic goat cheese while many of the best farms I've visited are traditional, with everything in between for both methods.  Either you have a conscientious producer or you don't, being organic or not has little to do with it.

So what do you eat?  What ever you want!  Be a rebel and eat what you want, not what 'they' think you should.  Celebrities and random people on the internet have no right to dictate your diet.  Buy the stuff you like, that fits your budget, and your lifestyle/dietary needs.  Eat a variety of things in moderation and you will be just fine; there is no particular food that will either kill you or keep you perfectly healthy.  Just because a food product says something on the label (or you read something dreadful on google this morning) doesn't make it either good or bad; it may be just a nonsensical statement of fact obfuscating the actual truth (no fat but lots of sugar, it contains 1 part per million of whole grain or real fruit juice...).  But most of all, you should not be guilted, bullied, or worried into buying (or not buying) a certain product.  Foregoing the organic eggs does not mean you are being cruel to animals or destroying the planet, but it will save you a couple bucks while the nutritional value is the same.  In our age of tolerance for just about everything else, eating seems to be the new morality and there is no shortage of torch and pitchfork wielding villagers waiting to burn you at the stake for eating a steak!  Aren't there far more important things for people to worry about than your grocery list?  It used to be people were just happy to get enough to eat, not worrying about whether it was locally sourced from vegan fed swine blessed by barefooted priests at the full of the moon!

What to see in Yellowstone in 2.1 days during the off season:

We had three days scheduled in the park but a snowstorm closed most of the park and made staying much longer that day rather silly, giving us an entire 2.1 days to enjoy the entirety of a park that might take months (or years) to explore.  We stayed just north of the North Entrance, which is open all year, the rest of the park opens gradually throughout May and was mostly open when we arrived, but closed due to snow.  The first day was beautiful and we spent it driving around the lake and checking out Artist's Point and were very glad we did, as that section was closed for the rest of our stay.  The second day it snowed, we were 5 miles on the road to Old Faithful and decided those curvy mountain roads combined with the ever increasing wind and wet, sticky snow were a bad combination: we didn't want to see the bottom of any of those cliffs too close and turned around; they closed the roads shortly thereafter.  We did bum around Mammoth Hot Springs for a bit, which was rather interesting and strangely pretty in the midst of a snowstorm, then we went home and had a quiet day.  The third day the south of the park was still closed but we were headed to Lamar Valley anyway and the north section is usually open (saving blizzards) year round.  We missed Old Faithful and the geyser basins but there will be other visits!  So what is worth seeing when the park is deserted and half frozen over?  Here are a few of our highlights:

The South Section (Day 1):

Artist's Point/Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone/Lower Falls of the Yellowstone River:

An easy walk to view this spectacular waterfall and the gorge through which it flows (and the photo everybody on the planet undoubtedly has taken!).

Yellowstone Lake:

A giant lake with mountain views (and ice), what could be better?  You drive along it for miles too!  Look for Harlequin ducks around the Le Hardy rapids and Barrow's Goldeneye along the lake.

Hayden Valley:

An expansive mountain valley with rivers, trees, grass, and wildlife.

West Thumb Geyser Basin:

This is the Black Pool, I thought this was a nice place to stop and view the lake but discovered it was actually a geyser basin, which as it turns out, was a good thing we stopped the first day since we would never get back to the others.

Snowstorm (Day 0.1):

We hung around Mammoth for a while (after chickening out of driving on towards Old Faithful) and it was really cool in the snow, but eventually we gave up and went home!:

Mammoth Hot Springs (snowstorm optional):

The North Section (Day 2):

The North section is always open and even though the rest of the park was closed, we still had quite a bit to see on our last day.

Undine Falls:

A very nice waterfall just off the road.  Wraith Falls is nice too and is only a short hike through some pretty conifer woods.

Calcite Springs:

I had no idea what this was, I just stuck it on my list, thinking it just another geyser basin, but it is actually a beautiful overlook of the river (with steaming geysers on the cliff face).  Very cool!  The Tower Falls are also nice; there were also several black bears in the area.  Tower Junction is also the place to look for Bighorn Sheep:

Lamar Valley:

Another mountain valley, this one more sagebrush than grass.  Supposedly the place to see wolves, but we only saw bison and pronghorn and a coyote or two.

Yellowstone in the off season

We live about six hours from Yellowstone and have never ventured thither until last week, I really didn't expect much for some reason.  Even with my research I was ill-prepared for what the park encompasses.  I remember the fires when I was a kid and everyone mentions Old Faithful, and then there are the bison and the springs and geysers but all that really isn't that interesting to me.  I thought it would be okay but I can name ten other parks I'd rather see first; much as I have no interest in going to Disneyland (crowded, expensive and likely over-rated), but unlike Disneyland, Yellowstone was convenient, so we went.  I started planning late (read: not a year or more in advance) and I wanted to avoid the crowds (millions of people cramming in every summer to stare at a bison, really?!) so we went in the off season.  Summer has its crowds and Winter has its attractions and enthusiasts, but what about Spring and Fall?  Does anyone venture thither in the awkward seasons?  We did and here is what we learned:

First off, the park is so much more than geysers and bison, way more!  I was very impressed and we will certainly be going back.  I wanted mountain scenery and wildlife and was not disappointed.  You can't throw a rock without hitting a bison or an elk, but there are all sorts of things to see: bighorn sheep, moose, bears, wolves, various small furry things, unique birds, there is something for everyone.  Terrain is mostly mountainous with plenty of waterfalls, rivers, geothermal features, overlooks, valleys and a huge lake.  The forest is mostly coniferous with a few aspen type trees that covers most of the park but there are vast areas of grassland/sagebrush too.  Regardless of season or what you want to see, you'll find many things to love and it is big enough that you could spend years exploring it.

As for the off season, it has its ups and downs, pros and cons, which I'll outline below.  Obviously I am not an expert, as I've literally spent only 2.1 days in the park and that in the Spring.  I can only hypothesize about Fall, but in general it should hold true.  Also note that I am a photographer and a bird watcher, if your thing is camping, fishing, etc.,  my observations aren't really going to reflect those pursuits but you can still get a general idea.  Here goes:

Pros of visiting Yellowstone in the Off Season (late April to Memorial Day, Labor Day to mid October):

• The crowds you see in all those pictures are not there, which means you can actually move around, drive/hike/gawk at a more leisurely pace, find lodging, take pictures without 876 people in them and so forth.  There are plenty of people about, but they aren't swarming everywhere and I was far more concerned about dimwitted tourists trying to pet the nice bison than being eaten by a grizzly bear.  If you are antisocial and hate crowds, it is a very nice time to go to one of our most visited national attractions.
• The changing seasons offer some unique photo/scenic opportunities: snow and new growth in the Spring and changing leaves and snow in the winter.  Some of the waterfalls/rivers/creeks are also at their peak in the Spring when the snow melts.  We had a snowstorm right in the middle of our stay (hence the 2.1 days instead of 3!), which added a unique aspect to the whole scene.
• Wildlife seem more approachable/visible.  Maybe it is only because I'm not sharing them with 10,000 other people, but it seemed like you were able to see a lot of wildlife (countless bison and elk, 7 black bears (including 3 cubs), 9 bighorn sheep, assorted pronghorn and mule deer, birds and small mammals in droves).  You are there during the bird migration offering a chance at species you might not otherwise see.  Spring yields babies (baby bison were everywhere along with those bear cubs) while Fall gives you a chance to see rutting elk, bison, and bighorn while the bears are getting fat.  The snow/winter drives the animals into places where they can find shelter and food while summer lets them spread out and the thicker foliage gives them better cover and makes them harder to see, not to mention you are competing with 20 times the people to see the bear in the ditch.

Cons of visiting Yellowstone in the Off Season:

• Weather is unpredictable.  We planned on 3 days but ended with 2.1 as 6-12 inches of snow blanketed the park.  It was nice to have a quiet day and it was fun to see the Mammoth Hot Springs in the snow, but it might also have prevented us from getting to the park or delayed us when it came time to leave, happily it all melted the next day, but the South of the park was still closed due to bad roads, thankfully we had done the Lake and Artist's Point the day before.  We missed Old Faithful and the geyser basins but as those weren't high on my list, it was okay and we'll catch them next time.  You may get snowed in or snowed out or things may unexpectedly shut down or close.  Be prepared to be flexible!
• Road Construction: this may just be a constant thing, not just an off season thing, but it was everywhere, anticipate delays.
• Closures: some things don't open until later in the season or are closed due to weather (or bears) or are being worked on.  We wanted to drive the Beartooth Pass but it was closed until Memorial Day and several roads closed due to the snow while certain trails are closed until late in the summer due to bears.  A lot of the attractions (restaurants, campsites, stores, etc.) are not open until the summer season too.  The North end of the park is open year round.

Overall, even with a snowstorm, it was a great trip and I can't wait to do it again.  Part of me is curious to see it with all the people, but another part of me would be happy to go off season from here on out.  As long as you are flexible and prepared, the off season is still a great time to visit one of America's greatest landmarks!

Anachronistic and proud of it!

I've been accused of being Amish since my early teen years, being a lover of hiking boots over heels and long skirts over short shorts; more often to be found slogging through a soggy field in quest of migrant birds than to be doing whatever it was teenage girls did in the '90's (talk on the phone?).  I'm not sure what my predilections had to do with the Amish Community or their habits/lifestyle, save perhaps a shared dislike of certain modern affectations, but I might as well be called a Victorian or a citizen of Ancient Rome by that standard.  I'm slowly learning the difference between fashion and style, fashion being what the world values at the moment while style is your own personal taste, preference, personality, and flair.  Growing up, I was told so often what I couldn't/shouldn't do and be that I didn't even try, no one ever told me what I could do or be, or even that I could be something but a drab, homely, colorless disappointment, that it was okay to be myself.  I tried so hard to be what others thought I should and still disappointed them that I thought myself worthless and hopeless as a person.

I've learned differently since then.  And I'm not Amish, I'm not sure if you can classify me, an enigma  perhaps?  For example I've always envied Lydia Bennet (from the 5 hour Colin Firth 'Pride and Prejudice') a certain straw bonnet (the only thing I envy Lydia Bennet!).  In the scene with the girls walking along while Wickham is ahorseback, I think she has the nicest hat!  And I repeat, I am not Amish!!!  I'm not a prude or a stickler for women always having their heads covered, but rather I miss the days of socially acceptable, flattering, feminine headwear that keeps the sun off your face.  I own any number of floppy hats and ball caps and wear them hither and yon, but I have nothing for dressy occasions.  I abhor outdoor weddings, as I'm bound to end with a migraine.  But I found that bonnet, or something similar enough, recently that I went and bought it.  And it is adorable, not elegant or fashionable, but cute and fun and yes, functional!  Even my husband went so far as to say, 'it isn't my favorite fashion-wise, but on you it fits and is so much fun!'  That's high praise indeed!

I'm learning to love myself, to enjoy my quirks and whimsy, to be who I am, not trying to mold myself into a shape not my own.  The people that weren't happy with me before will never be happy with me, no matter how I mutilate and distort myself for their benefit, and doing so only makes me miserable, so I might as well be me, even if I have a dubious love of Regency head gear!  Though, if my siblings ever see my hat, I'll be accused of being more Amish than ever!  At least I'm not yearning after togas or powdered wigs...

Update: I just ran across this little delightful blurb whilst reading 'Pride and Prejudice': 'That she should have walked three miles so early in the day, in such dirty weather, and by herself was almost incredible..."  Nope, I'm not Amish, apparently there were ladies thus afflicted 200 years ago, and probably well before that! 

Ups and Downs

First off, for anyone wondering if you can ferment the 'secret' ingredient in Japanese Milk Bread, you can, but it probably isn't worth the trouble.  I made three batches: one original recipe, one with 1/3 cup of added amish friendship bread starter, and one with fermented tangzhong, adding the starter added both flavor and 'puffiness' and was definitely better than the other two.  I'll just keep my regular starter going, since it is so much more versatile, but it was worth a try!

Second, and far more important, or at least tasty, I've started roasting corn and don't think I can go back.  I tried some that had been grilled and that was really good, I've seen recipes for doing it in the oven and those were good, but what about the stove top?  I just used frozen corn, first I cooked some onion and turkey bacon in a little oil, and once caramelized, I added the corn and seasonings (seasoned salt, garlic, pepper, worchestire sauce) and cooked over medium heat until slightly golden brown, stirring often.  Eat on its own, add to chili or salads, or tonight we tried it on tacos and it was great.  Enjoy!

A tortilla recipe that actually works!

Here is a fabulous tortilla recipe, I've tried others and come away with a bland flatbreadish sort of thing that was way too much mess and work.  These are super easy (just keep your work surface well floured) and the results are wonderful: they are actually a tortilla!  I'll be taking this item off my shopping list from here on out, enjoy!

The Experiment Begins (a third topic not addressed on the internet)

I have actually found a third subject not addressed on the internet (the others being obscure guitars from the '60's and the usefulness of tripods on cruise ships).  I've been dabbling in the art of Japanese Milk Bread of late, doing things like adding sourdough starter to the recipe to deepen the flavor.  What happens if you use the 'tangzhong' as the base for the sourdough starter?  I've tried a few small experiments just to see if it is even feasible (does it grow mold, or the milk spoil, or not ferment due to some strange osmotic situation?) and so far it seems to make a decent base for a starter, it doesn't go bad and bubbles away as happily as any starter I've tried, I'm still not sure on the flavor, not having left it to mature much longer than a week or so, but with my results so far, I'm going to try it on a bigger scale and for a longer period, using milk for one and water for the other.  I'll keep you posted!

Still Obsessed

I'm still obsessed with Japanese Milk Bread, and finally my sourdough starter has finished fermenting so I can try adding that to the mixture.  I love the light, fluffiness of the bread but it needed a tad more flavor or depth or something, and I hoped my sweet sourdough starter (think Amish Friendship or Herman type starter) would do the trick and it did!  I got the light fluffy softness but with more depth of flavor than you expect in something this airy.

Here's what I did:

In a microwave safe mug combine 2 tbsp flour with 6 tbsp water, microwave on high until thickened (35 seconds in mine).  Pour into bread machine pan and add 1/3 cup starter, 1 egg, 1/2 cup milk, 1 tsp salt and 2 3/4 cup flour and a tsp of instant yeast.  Run on dough cycle and add 2 tbsp of cold butter once the other ingredients are well combined.  Remove after the second knead cycle and let rest for 10 minutes.  Divide into 12 balls, rolling each into a long oval.  Fold in one long side and then top with the other, then roll up like a jelly roll (spiral from the short end) and place seam side down (spirals on either side) in a greased cake pan for dinner rolls or separate on a cookie sheet for buns.  Repeat with other balls and let rise until double.  Brush with milk, oil, or butter just before baking.  Bake until set in middle and golden brown.

Variations and experimentation with 'Japanese Milk Bread'

I'm addicted, that's all I can say, this bread is so good!  I've tried a few variations with it, just to see what happens.  I used the original recipe for buns, breadsticks, cinnamon rolls, pigs in a blanket, and loaf bread and adapted my regular French bread recipe to use the technique and even made a batch of oatmeal muffins with it.  I'd like to try adding sourdough starter but haven't had the chance as mine is still fermenting.

The results:

Rolls/Buns: absolutely fabulous and likely the best bread I ever made.  We had company and the entire 2 dozen rolls (2 batches) vanished (usually I have a couple left over dinner rolls from a batch of 12!).

Loaf: I don't do so well with actual loaves of bread (save French style), I never seem to get them cooked through in the middle without over cooking the outside so I am not the best judge of this aspect.  Despite greasing the pan, the loaf was determined to stick (I'd like to try a silicone loaf pan, the muffin cups work great for the rolls).  The bread itself was excellent but the crust was very thick (likely my inefficiency at loaf baking).  A good prospect for proficient loaf bakers.

Breadsticks: not very substantial, I'll stick with my usual French bread recipe, breadsticks aren't supposed to be light and fluffy.

Cinnamon rolls: not much flavor, didn't get as fluffy as the dinner rolls (used the traditional cinnamon roll technique rather than the more involved folding and shaping of the dinner rolls), I much prefer my sourdough recipe.

Pigs in a blanket: these are actually a nice substitute for that canned crescent roll dough, at least if you don't mind foregoing that 'fake butter' flavor, ugh!

French bread: I adapted my usual French bread recipe to use this technique (just water, salt, yeast, sugar, and flour).  Being the chemistry geek that I am, I did the math and converted the recipe.  The crust was definitely softer but the loaves were rather ugly and the crumb softer but otherwise I didn't notice much difference and don't think I'll do it again.

Oatmeal muffins: yes, I made a 'quick bread' with this method.  It was a rather strange result, good but certainly different; I'm not sure how to describe the texture, it wasn't very muffin like, cake like, or yeast bread like, the closest I've ever made previously was one of those 'no knead' yeast breads.  They were very moist and tasty, just not your typical muffin.  I wonder what brownies or cake would be like?

I think I'll stick with the buns, but it is certainly fun to try!

Oven fried chicken fingers

I'm still trying to perfect this recipe, but each time it gets a little closer to those lovely chicken fingers you order at your favorite restaurant and there's no deep frying involved:

Mix 3/4 c buttermilk with 1 crushed bouillon cube, garlic, Worcester sauce, celery salt, and pepper.  Add chicken pieces (2 pounds sliced breast meat or legs with skin on) and let sit for 45 minutes.  In a gallon bag combine 1/4 cup corn starch, a tsp of baking soda, 1/2 cup each flour and bread crumbs.  Drain chicken, coat in flour mixture and place in a greased cake pan.  Drizzle oil or butter (2-3 tbsp) over coated chicken and bake until crispy and juices run clear, turning halfway through.

Who cares what you call it, it is chocolate!

I'm a huge fan of 'pudding cake' and always on the lookout for an interesting variant (one of those lovely confections that's half cake half pudding and all chocolate).  I'd love to call this 'recipe' "Brownie Pudding," but alas, that moniker already belongs to Better Homes and Gardens and is one of my favorites for quick, warm, chocolaty goodness with stuff I already have on hand.  I found the original recipe for this version on Pinterest for the crockpot.  The results were good, but not great, it was also about impossible to tell when the thing was done (the original called for a 7 quart crock, mine is a 3.5 so it was about twice as thick which is probably the problem); the edges were burned while the center was still a liquid mess and as I tried to scoop it out the stuff 'fried' along the super hot edges of the crock, cooking it but making it hard to tell exactly how long I should leave it in the crock for future reference.  Instead, I tried it in the oven in a 9x13 pan with much better results (it was also quicker).

1 box brownies, batter prepared per box instructions (for a 9x13 batch)
1 box instant chocolate pudding, prepared per box directions (4 servings)
Ice cream

Spread brownie batter in a 9x13 cake pan and top with pudding.  Bake at 350 until set but not firm, will be jiggly like jello but solid around the edges, if still liquidy, bake a little longer; middle should bubble occassionally.  Serve with ice cream (absolutely not optional!).  Definitely tastier than the original 'brownie pudding' recipe but also a bit more expensive to make.  The pudding layer is on top rather than on the bottom with this version.  Upside down brownie pudding?

The day the wonder (bread) died

I once had some bread, I don't even remember where, but I've been looking for the recipe or technique ever since but thus far have been thwarted in my efforts.  It was so soft and fluffy and the loaf pulled apart without being sliced.  I may have finally found it.  The other day I ran across a recipe for 'Japanese Milk Bread, and since the pictures looked amazing, I thought I'd give it a try.  And unlike almost every other recipe I've ever tried, it was as good as the picture looked.  I searched the internet, looked at several different recipes, and then combined them to see what happened and it was the fluffiest, softest, prettiest bread I've ever made, perhaps a little bland, but the texture was amazing.  Then I thought it would make great cinnamon rolls, they weren't bad, but my sourdough recipe is better (apparently the elaborate shaping involved in this sort of bread is actually functional!).  I'm still playing with the recipe/technique but it really does make the fluffiest, softest bread and it stays soft for several days.  It is a very interesting technique and I think I'll try it with my other bread recipes.

Update: here's a great article on the science behind the tangzhong method of bread making, for all you chemistry geeks out there.

To make rolls:

In a microwave safe mug combine 2 tbsp flour with 6 tbsp water, microwave on high until thickened (35 seconds in mine).  Pour into bread machine pan and add 1 egg, 1/2 cup warm milk, 1 tsp salt and 2 3/4 cup flour and a tsp of instant yeast.  Run on dough cycle and add 2 tbsp of cold butter once the other ingredients are well combined.  Remove after the second knead cycle and let rest for 10 minutes.  Divide into 12 balls, rolling each into a long oval.  Fold in one long side and then top with the other then roll up like a jelly roll (spiral from the short end) and place seam side down (spirals on either side) in a greased cake pan for dinner rolls or a separate on a cookie sheet for buns.  Repeat with other balls and let rise until double.  Brush with milk, oil, or butter just before baking.  Bake until set in middle and golden brown.

The best baby gift ever?

My favorite scene in the movie '27 Dresses' involves the sister of the bride going off to some swanky department store to complete the couple's bridal registry.  Some whimsical, silly fit seems to possess her and she registers for all sorts of random things, each more funny than the last.  I've always wanted to do that.  And why not?  Bridal and baby registries are wasted on the young, right?  So what if I don't live within three hours of the nearest department store?  First time moms and brides to be have no clue what they want or need, shouldn't it be us old hats out there strutting our stuff?  And technically I am an 'expectant mother,' at least that's what the social worker said when our home study was approved, so what if it's been two years?  Okay, I convinced myself and went online to my favorite big box store and opened a baby registry (keeping it strictly private of course, I certainly don't expect anyone to buy something off the list, rather it was just an exercise in what might happen if I could do it all over again, older and hopefully wiser and less nervous so I can have a bit of fun too).

But it really wasn't all that fun.  Here I could put anything and everything on the list, I was all set to have the time of my life, but it all seemed rather pointless and hollow.  Yay, more cute onesizes, uh huh, already have 19 of those on the list.  Look at those cute patterns for car seats, but I already have 3 I like on the list...it isn't the planning, the nursery, the clothes, the gender reveal party...none of that matters in the long run.  Perhaps such things are better left to the 'young,' or at least the innocent and wide eyed girls who are about to embark on some great stage of this journey called life.  Yes, they have no idea what they are getting into, but they are so eager and hopeful and happy that you can't but be happy for them, and therein relive your own wide eyed eagerness a little too.  I think that's why people love grandkids so much: it lets them be young again without having the headache of parenting.  Maybe kid rentals will be a viable future business model instead of parenting; that's a frightening idea!

It isn't the wedding, the number of guests, the DJ, the flowers, the music, or the meal.  It isn't the frilly dresses or adorable toys.  It is the journey itself: the marriage or the parenting, that matters, that means something.  It's all the struggle and frustration, joy and fear, sorrow and love, pain and fun that make up this messy, wonderful thing called relationships and family.  They go in as wide eyed, eager kids but come out men and women, building character and lives and leaving a legacy that their great grandchildren will aspire to emulate, at least that is the hope.  But we give up so easily now, our tastes change, our love grows cold, something else sparks our interest.  We give up, abandon it all, seeking gold at the end of another rainbow, little understanding that chasing rainbows won't make us happy or give us purpose and fulfillment, rather holding fast when the weather gets rough and not giving up when the clouds come in, when the winds howl and you can't see the stars, by coming through the storm, that's how to find true joy, true love, the real purpose and meaning in life.

So go register for your trendy china pattern that you'll never use.  Get two or three wipes warmers just in case.  And have a good laugh about it in a year or five. But when the storms come, when frustration builds, fear threatens, doubt or tedium fall upon you, or grief rears its head, hold on, remember the who and the why of how you got there in the first place.  It isn't the what.  That stuff is necessary and fun, but it isn't the most important thing.  If you want the best gift of all, you'll have to wait and work for it, but you'll never doubt it was the right thing to do when you finally get there.

Finally, web design made easy!

For all of you webmaster wannabes out there, I have finally found a way to make it happen both easily and for free, plus it looks great.  What's my secret?  Years of html and my own hosting service?  Nope!  Check out wix.com and have fun, it is sort of addicting and the results are great!  I've dabbled in website design from the late '90's onward and this is by far the easiest and best looking solution I've found, sort of like DreamWeaver, but online and free (and it doesn't crash your Mac).  I'm paying for a website that doesn't look this good or have half the tools.  If you want to upgrade to a premium site, it is very affordable too.  Have fun!

Not the answer to life, the universe, and everything but vital nonetheless

Before we went on our Alaskan cruise, I scoured the interweb looking for data to help me determine whether it was worthwhile to take a tripod along, but I found very little advice one way or the other (apparently one of those rare topics that does not cause controversy, wars, and divorce on social media).  The only other topic with so little extant web knowledge that I have yet discovered is a certain brand of guitar they quit making in the late '60's.  So for those of you dying to know whether you should take a tripod on your next sailing adventure, I will try and fill in the gap of knowledge and thereby earn my place among the pantheon of those who place a cornerstone of knowledge online that google might dig it up randomly and bequeath it to needy minds.  So whether you need a tripod for your camera, your spotting scope, or as a date (since your significant other dumped you right before your special trip), here is the final verdict: it depends.

Yes, there you have it, the final answer on all things tripodal and nautical.  Which is exactly the verdict I reached from the available data ere setting forth.  If you want to use a spotting scope at all, by all means bring it along.  If you want a few pictures of you and your special somebody and don't want to ask any old Dr. Jekyl or Mr. Hyde to snap it, ditto.  If you have extra room in your luggage, go for it.  If you want someone who is quiet and listens and obedient to your every demand, go for it.  If you want someone who can dance, I'd skip it, as the thing sometimes has 3 left feet.  If you aren't an avid photographer or bird watcher, skip it.  If you are already strapped for room or weight, skip it.  There you have it.  I had room and brought it along and used it for a few shots of me and the hubby all dressed up and used it on deck a few times to try and get a view of something far away with the spotting scope (every pirate needs a telescope, right?) but I probably would not have missed the thing.  But as far as roommates go, the thing won't snore, so there is that to consider.  And if you dress them right, that tall, lean look is attractive, right?:

Bored?

I used to think housewives must get really bored with nothing to do but wipe noses and fold laundry.  I once almost panicked at the thought of such a fate, as I was spending some time with a friend who had gotten her master's degree only to turn mother and wife; I could almost feel her 'bower closing in about her, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in.'  But that was before I had kids and at the very start of my career.  Then I had a career and a kid.  Then just a kid.  Now I wonder how I ever thought a career was what life was all about.  My problem was I wasn't looking at a stay at home mom as a talented, useful person; I saw the laundry and the baby and assumed that was all there was to the story.

I was reflecting the other day on a 'typical' day around here: get husband's car unstuck from snow bank, pull a calf, pretend we're in a Star Wars movie, go get groceries...and that's just before lunch, nope, life is anything but dull!  Actually I've had far longer and more boring days at work than I've ever had at home.  As G.K. Chesterton says, 'an adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered,' so whether you're at home or abroad, go have an adventure or two and enjoy your day!

As ye sow

My parental antics have come back to haunt me and I couldn't be more proud.  I came home the other night and thought everybody was downstairs so I proceeded to the bedroom, only to shriek in terror as two nameless persons, one not yet five years old, leapt from behind the bed and yelled boo at me.  Worse, the instigator was the five year old!  I've been jumping out and surprising the poor kid since he was old enough to walk and now he's repaying me in kind.  Be careful what you teach their kids, intentionally or unintentionally, because it won't be long and they'll be doing the exact same things.

Xingu

Last week on my book blog, I gave you a reading assignment consisting of five short stories recommended by a certain webzine.  I read them myself, and while each was a good story in its own way, my favorite was by far Xingu by Edith Wharton.  Take a peek, if you haven't, at this witty and amusing read.  It certainly beats anything on cable or at the theatre.  Enjoy!

Holes and holes

There are holes in your heart and then there are holes in your heart.  Every breathing person struggles with the meaning and purpose of life in general and theirs in particular, that's what it is to be human and it is perfectly natural and normal, especially in your young life or after some great tragedy or life event, that hole is perfectly normal as is the struggle therewith.  But there is a subset of humanity that has a hole of another sort in its heart and they probably don't have any idea that it is there.  Just to survive they've rationalized it away, covered it up, ignored it, lied to themselves, and pretend that everything is okay.  But it isn't.  Everyone agrees that physical and sexual abuse are traumatic and horrible, we are even seeing emotional abuse gain footing as a legitimate tragedy, but there is something even more insidious and far harder to detect, acknowledge, and recognize: emotional neglect, but the adverse results on the lives of those affected are harrowing, but so subtle that its victims consider it normal.

I've had well meaning people tell me that 'at least you were clothed and fed,' and I'd like to reply that I would gladly have gone hungry occasionally if only I knew that I was loved and valued; do people say things like that of prison inmates or animals in a shelter?  I'd rather have been housed and fed by some cold and impersonal government agency than have lived with my biological family in the same sort of environment and twisted myself into knots trying to determine what was so horrid about me that I couldn't be loved, at least then I could blame the cold inefficiency of bureaucracy rather than trying to destroy myself to pardon my parents, for no child ever questions her mother's perfections, rather she will hate and blame herself for her mother's failings rather than admit some parental defect.  The results are hideous, but hidden under a veneer of fake normality.  Ripping off that false scar is the only way to heal, the process is long and painful, but far less miserable than living a lie.  Only then can you start to wrestle with the normal holes in the human heart.  To learn more, start here.