Dear Grandparents

Dear Grandparents,

This is an open letter from a parent to the grandparents of America.  I will begin by acknowledging that there is a strange and wonderful bond between you and your grandkids, and I would not dare encroach thereupon, but I fear American culture has twisted the role of modern grandparents into something which we parents oftentimes fear, and reasonably so.  While it is your job to have fun with, take joy in, and occasionally indulge said grandchildren, it must be done in such a way that will not bring misery and harm to the objects of your love.  In other words, you must not indulge your own selfish desires at the expense of your grandchild's mental and emotional wellbeing by undermining either their parents' authority or characters.  By all means, spoil the little buggers, but not in a way that they will suffer from when they return home.

• It is not your place to question or undermine the way I raise my kids (unless it is truly abusive) in front of them or worse, tell them directly that the way mommy does such and such is wrong or bad, etc., if you must confront me about it, do so privately and respect my opinion on the subject, you had your chance to parent, this is mine.
• Do not reinforce behavior that is generally not allowed at home (tantrums, screaming, whining, incessant demands for something, overt disobedience or disrespect) by either indulging it, rewarding them for the behavior by giving them a treat to shut them up, or laughing at it and saying fondly, 'kids will be kids.'
• The rules are the rules, even at grandma's house.  Kids thrive on regularity and predictability.  Staying up way past bedtime, skipping naps, neglecting usual daily expectations (putting on his own shoes or picking up her toys), too many treats, too much excitement (the zoo, the pool, the park, and a trip to the ice cream parlor all in one day), excessive praise for things that usually are not a big deal (taking a bite of food), and too much attention (in their face every minute, afraid you are going to miss something) can all lead to frustration, confusion, and a sense of being completely overwhelmed in their little brains, especially when they come home and things are so routine and mundane and the expectations are the same, but there is no grandpa to aid and abet in shirking the rules.
• Your job is not to fill them up on sugar, caffeine, excitement, and then send them home to let the parents deal with the consequences, because it is not just the parents that suffer for it.  It is not easy for your grandchild to readjust to normal life, they literally go through a withdrawal and readjustment period, and it is painful for all involved, most especially the confused and frustrated child.  You don't give them addictive drugs for obvious reasons, but to a kid, too little discipline and too much fun and treats is just as dangerous.
• Do not take out your frustration with any persons in their lives via the grandchildren with comments such as 'your father is so stupid,' or 'your mother's boyfriend is a real loser.'  If you must, confront the adults themselves and leave the kids out of it.  You will only confuse and traumatize them and undermine their respect for you and the other people in their lives.
• Never compare one child to another (even one that is grown up) or treat one child or set of children better than another; you'll only crush their souls.
• Try and listen when we come to you with suggestions or concerns, we are not attacking you but want what is best for everybody.
• Your first and foremost responsibility is to help these kids grow into happy, healthy adults and all your thoughts, words, and actions should be directed towards that goal rather than to indulge your own amusement in the short term.
• Let the child be himself, don't force your interests and agenda onto his shoulders.  If he doesn't like baseball, that's okay, maybe you could learn a little bit about Star Wars or anime so you could at least speak the same language.
• Becoming a grandparent does not absolve you of all responsibility in helping raise these dear children to be well-adjusted adults, and in this world of broken families and dysfunctional relationships, you might just be the difference between a broken life and success for that child.  It is a vital and heavy responsibility, but one for which life has well prepared you.
• And remember, we are on the same team here: we love these kids more than anything, and we are your kids too, and love you likewise.  This isn't a competition, we aren't vying against one another for their love but rather working together for their ultimate good, from which everybody inevitably benefits.

Sincerely,

A Mom.

Teriyaki Chicken for the Crock Pot

I've used this simple sauce as a marinade and on the stove top before but never in the crock pot, it came out absolutely fabulous.  Serve with rice or noodles.  I used chicken legs but you can probably use any chicken or even pork, etc.

 For 56 ounces of chicken legs (or whatever):

In a large crock pot mix together:

1/2 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup vinegar
1.5 tsp garlic powder
celery salt and black pepper to taste

Add chicken legs and coat with marinade.  Cook on low for 6 hours.  Use the resulting liquid to flavor rice or noodles as a side dish.  That's it!

Bolognese Sauce, or not, but still good

I ran across a really great looking recipe in a magazine lately for Bolognese Sauce (a red sauce with ground meat and wine and milk, etc. for pasta) and thought I'd like to try it, except I don't have any wine and my stomach doth protest too much when I eat too much ground beef, pork, or sausage, so I made a few modifications.  The results might not be a true Bolognese Sauce but they are sure tasty.

In a large sauce pan with a little oil:

Saute onions, carrots, celery, sweet peppers, garlic (or your favorite combo of chopped, savory vegetables, about 1/2 cup each, except garlic).  I added ham and pepperoni at this point, about 3 oz each (try prosciutto or bacon) and cooked until crisp.

Add 1 24 oz jar of your favorite tomato pasta sauce and a 28 oz can of petite diced tomatoes, undrained.  Add 3/4 cup milk and either 1 cup beef broth or a bouillon cube.  Season as desired (basil, worchester sauce, a little sugar, garlic, black pepper, celery salt (obviously omit celery salt and garlic if you used them above), a dash of chili powder).  Bring to boil and simmer uncovered for 45 minutes or until thick and chunky (cook off extra liquid).  I added a bit of parmesan cheese at the very end.  For best flavor let sit in refrigerator over night.  Use for lasagna or over your favorite pasta!  Also makes a good deep dish pizza base: just pour over a prepared crust and top with cheese.

Batter to fry just about anything

I was in the mood for corn dogs but had no corn meal with which to make an attempt at making them, but what about a regular batter for frying hotdogs?  I searched the internet in vain, apparently it is a little studied art, thus had I a chance to add something to man's legacy via my theoretical genius.  What you are about to read is well nigh historic!  The movie rights are still up for grabs…

I have a recipe for sweet and sour chicken which is very much like the restaurant variety and thought that might make a nice starting place.  I replaced the water with buttermilk (or rather regular milk soured with vinegar) and added some baking soda, which should make for a lighter, crunchier coating.  I also spiced it up a bit with worchester sauce, garlic, celery salt, black pepper, and a dash of chili powder.  The first batch looked a little thick so I added a little water to thin it out, only to make it slide right off the hot dogs.  I added more flour so that it was the consistency of thick oatmeal and it not only stuck to the hot dogs beautifully but fried up light and crispy as well.  They also freeze and reheat well (in the oven).  I tried some mozzarella cheese, and while the results were delicious, it made quite a mess and you have to eat it right away, it would be quite a mess to reheat.  This would work well for just about anything if it will stick to a slippery hotdog, but if you want to deep fry something sweet, maybe leave out the spices and add some sugar?

How to Batter and Deep Fry Hotdogs:

Rules:

1. It will make a mess, deep frying anything usually does.
2. It is not all that healthy, but that isn't why we are doing this.
3. It tastes great!
4. It should be fun, you might as well make a big batch as the mess is the same anyway.

You will need:

Oil for frying (I used an old, small frying pan and canola oil, the larger the surface area of the pan, the more oil you will need/waste).

Something to fry: I used cheap hotdogs cut into quarters, but just about anything will work.

Batter:

3/4 cup flour
1 1/2 tsp corn starch
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp garlic powder, dash chili powder, 1/4 tsp celery salt and black pepper (change as desired)

Mix dry ingredients and then add 3/4 cup buttermilk and a tbsp worchester sauce (as desired), mix until smooth but should be rather thick.  Add hotdog chunks and stir to coat.  Add a few pieces at a time to hot oil, turn once and remove to wire rack to crisp/cool when golden brown.

The Cheater's Guide to Cross stitch

I had a picture that was okay, but nothing very interesting given to me by a relative when they cleaned out their office and switched jobs.  I would love to replace it but had nothing of a size to fit the mat/frame so it hung on the wall undisturbed until I found my cross stitch, with which I had had a dubious flirtation, to quote Spock, in my relative youth.  I had made one large piece (which had taken years) and gave it away in college to a beloved teacher, otherwise I had only dabbled in the art.  Going through a forgotten corner of a forgotten closet I came across a Monet, albeit not a painting but a barely begun stamped cross stitch aida clothe with one of his 'water lily' designs upon it.  About eight years ago I thought it would be fun to try it again, though I had never done a 'stamped' pattern before, I fell in love with the colors and the design and bought the kit, only to discover that the stamped one was even worse than the true 'counted' cross stitch as now I not only had to count little tiny boxes but most were an absurd kaleidoscope of colors which quickly induced a seizure, a migraine, or very possibly both.  So 7.5 years ago it got put in the box of unfinished cross-stitchy things and was soon forgotten.  There was also a partially finished Amish type sampler that will remain so indefinitely unless one of my kids gets a freak to finish it one day, but the Monet was still pretty, if barely stitched, it seemed a shame to let it molder in that box.

It also fit perfectly in that frame, with a little surgery on the mat, and yes I will call it surgery as I used a scalpel to cut the mat, one of these days I will invest in an exacto-knife.  I ironed my Monet (how many people can say they've done that?), enlarged the opening in the mat, and voila!  I now had a very pretty, pseudo embroidered picture.  You have to look really close to see that the whole thing isn't actually stitched.  So if you like the look of cross-stitch but haven't the knack, the patience, or the time, you can invest in a 'stamped' kit of your choosing, throw in a few stitches if you'd like, or just frame the picture and call it good, just don't enter it in any embroidery contests!

In-laws and Out-laws

When it comes to family, I'm still an amateur.  I grew up in a fractured, abusive home and had little conception of what a normal, healthy marriage or family looked like until I was in the middle of my own.  Enter the in-laws, a concept that has frustrated and confounded people since the Dawn of Time.  I always dread a visit either to their house or them to ours, but am still trying to figure out why.  Usually I love company, and they aren't bad people, but for some reason I dread the very thought of our next interlude.  I think I've finally figured out the mystery, at least in my own case, I'm afraid most everyone else will have to unravel their own enigma for themselves.

When they see my son, their only grandchild, they fall upon him like ancient pagans their god.  They wrest control from us, his parents, and place it lovingly at his feet.  Not only does this turn the social order of our house upside down, but it also nicely divides our little family into them and us.  We follow my son from room to room (and as a toddler, he is a perfect little dictator) as some sort of entourage, with them oohing and cooing adulation with every breath he takes.  We could sit in the living room by ourselves and let them do their thing, but that seems quite antisocial.  They were fine before the grandson came along, we could actually have a conversation and they took some interest in our lives, but now, he is the reason they live and any interference with that is met with complaints of how intolerant and insensitive we are to their feelings, how little they get to see him...

As an abused kid without a real family, I've come to adore quiet, happy family life, and I resent when other people come in and upset the proverbial apple cart.  Why can't they be part of our family, join the harmonious whole, rather than divide and conquer?  I lived my whole life with an 'us versus them' mentality when it came to family life and I hate seeing it take root anew in my own little nest, I feel a stranger in my own house.  Grandma went so far as to say that it is 'her right to coddle…'  Wait a second!  We are the parents, stop right there!  You have no rights save those we grant you.  I am unwittingly forfeiting control to her as much as they willingly forfeit it to the conquistador of their hearts and reason!  But he is not in charge, nor is she, I am!  Too bad you can't put the in-laws in time out…maybe things will be a little better once I figure out I'm not a doormat and my feelings matter too, albeit it must be done in a respectful and thoughtful manner so as not to hurt them or drive a wedge between us, but somebody needs to be the adult.

Who needs TV?

Modern folk often wonder how people survived before TV.  The answer is simple: they had kids.  You never know what your small tyke is going to say next, and usually it is pretty amusing, except when it is in public and then it's just embarrassing.  At least the plot lines were a whole lot more original!