The Strange Controversy of Celebration and Existence in the Modern Era

I was just thinking the other day that it isn't safe or politically correct to celebrate anything anymore, because obviously you will be offending someone somewhere, no matter how innocuous the day, I'm sure even Groundhog's Day must tick off the animal rights community no end.  Columbus ruined his day by apparently being a genocidal maniac.  I need not even mention the scandal that is Christmas.  In the US we just celebrated Mother's Day this past weekend, but I wonder how long it will last.  Father's Day is inappropriate and insensitive for all the fatherless children and single mothers of the world and because it celebrates men of all things, therefore it is obviously anti-woman (as some would reason it).  But what do you do with Mother's Day in light of the gender-transition movement? I've heard the UK is moving to strike 'mother' from it's medical jargon as an offensive term just in case the expectant parent happens to identify as male or something else.  As if that weren't confusing enough, motherhood itself is becoming rather a questionable pastime in our modern west.

I struggle personally with the holiday, having been raised by an abusive mother who once questioned my methodology in requesting a hug and later in my struggles with infertility and adoption, but I don't think we should quit honoring other women just because it is acutely painful to me, but there are many that think differently, either because they have likewise been injured by their own mothers or are unable to have children for a variety of reasons, understandable but selfish, or because they consider children at best a hobby or a nuisance and at worst a plague upon humanity.  I find it a rather chilling side-effect of modern culture that the very foundational stones of civilization (people) are becoming less important than our domestic animals.  The pet section at your local big box store is likely bigger than the baby section.  I'm fine with people having pets, but when those pets have a more socially acceptable place in society than kids, it becomes rather worrisome!

How many people do you know that have foregone having kids and instead 'adopt a fur baby?'  Few people see anything wrong with loving a dog, but a growing number are seeing something wrong with even wanting kids in the first place.  But the hard irony is that there wouldn't be people around to love dogs if previous generations hadn't also loved kids.  This isn't to beat up on the pet industry, I could as easily go on with examples from other lifestyle choices like traveling or skiing or any other human endeavor.  What it comes down to is the robot's worldview from 'The Matrix' is slowly coming true: humanity is a disease that is ravaging the planet.  The grand irony is that the robots were the bad guys in that film but a growing number of people seem to be agreeing with them, ergo having kids is akin to destroying the world and therefore a selfish and heartless endeavor, much better to commit suicide as a species and enjoy our innocuous pleasures in the moment and feel smugly proud of that fact and socially shame anyone who thinks otherwise.  How long will Mother's Day last?  The more important concern is how long will civilization last with such an attitude?

The parable of the lost snake or a novel in-law deterrent

We have a snake, well truthfully it belongs to a young lady who is out of the country for a couple years, but I never thought I'd be a snake owner (or sitter).  But apparently our scaly friend has slithered his way into our hearts because he got out the other day and we were all rather sad about it.  So I looked up snake escapes on google and found one article that has been plagiarized on a hundred different sites and set about trying to locate the beast.  I'm apparently rather fond of the creature, as is my son, and I certainly didn't want to have to explain to his young owner that he had vanished on my watch.  Worse, my in-laws are coming this weekend and they don't like even the idea of a snake in the house, let alone one loose in the basement where the spare bedroom is!  Then I have to find a pet sitter for the snake and his rodent friends while we are gone this summer and how do you tell the pet sitter that you have a snake but you don't?  Awkward!  And then we are in a rental so it isn't even my house should he die in an air duct or get caught in the oven or washing machine: the gruesome (and expensive) possibilities are endless.

One of the suggestions was to sit quietly and watch/listen hoping to find some sign of the creature, but that really doesn't happen at our house, at least until the kids are in bed and by then I need sleep too.  But last night it so happened that everyone went to bed at a decent hour and the house was silent, and this being a nocturnal species, I sat in various dark rooms and listened, though I thought it rather pointless as he could be anywhere in the house or even outside (though it was cold enough to snow) and they are almost silent in their movements.  We had hide boxes and heating pads and water bowls and a few rodents scattered around hoping to lure him out into the open but had seen no trace or hint of him though we had turned many a room inside out and upside down.  Then I heard a thud in the laundry room.  There he was, behind the washing machine, bumping against the drying rack which had made the noise.  I can't quit smiling, silly snake!, but we're very happy he's back where he belongs, though it might have been an interesting way to keep the in-laws out of the house?  Jesus spoke of the lost coin and the lost sheep, but we had the lost snake, I never thought I'd see the day where I missed a snake!

Twinkie Cupcake Disaster Trifle

I knew I shouldn't have tried baking today, what with my little micro-chef grabbing the bowl of greenish goo (that was once vegetables) and unwittingly sending it flying, but it did land right side up so the mess was only half what it might have been so maybe it is okay after all.  I haven't had a Twinkie in years, but for some reason that's what I've been craving lately so I've tried a few recipes that were pretty good, but not really worth the trouble of doing them over again.  I found this one that uses a box mix so I thought I would give it a try, I even managed to have marshmallow creme on hand this time (I tried substituting marshmallows in one recipe and that was a whole other mess).  But the frosting seemed a bit too sugary (2 pounds of powdered sugar for 2 dozen cupcakes?!) for my taste, but I need not have worried, I never got that far!

First I had no yellow cake mix but figured a white one would do.  Then my timer didn't start, rather I reset the clock instead, so they got a little more done than I would like but still edible and I must say the cake was very fluffy and moist and very, very fragile.  I used silicone muffin cups to bake mine in and they were a sad mess by the time I finished getting them out (note to self, cooking spray!).  So I had a pile of the homeliest cupcakes you've ever seen and there is no way the poor things would handle either frosting or filling in that state.  So I did what any self respecting home cook would do in such a circumstance (no I did not eat the evidence, at least not all of it!): I made lemonade (metaphorical lemonade, you know...when life hands you lemons?).  I cut them in half and lined the bottom of a large plastic container (with a lid) with cupcakes, topped them with the filling, and then the other half of the cupcakes.  Atop this, instead of the super-sweet frosting in the recipe, I substituted this one made from boxed pudding and whipped topping (though I only used the four serving box as it was what I had).  I then stuck the whole thing in the fridge and can't wait to try it tonight for supper, I mean after supper...it was wonderful, will definitely make again!  May all your disasters turn out as sweet as mine!

I couldn't say it better!

Here it is folks, if you want your haphazard domesticity to be a happy one, here is the secret!  Joy thy name is wisdom!  Enjoy!

The Mommy's New Groove?

Is it just my experience or do babies turn otherwise normal people into semi-creepy stalkers who think they are justified in asking the most intimate personal questions?  I'll be traipsing through the bean aisle idly comparing species and price per ounce only to look up and find someone nose to nose with my daughter in her car seat in the shopping cart.  Or unloading my hard won legumes at check-out only to have the guy behind me barraging me with personal questions while literally touching my child's cheek instead of attending to his own groceries.  Or the fifteen different old ladies who ask if she's for sale at the thrift store, which is rather disconcerting when you are in the middle of an adoption and she's not even legally my kid yet!  I won't even get into the tips, hints, advice, and questions about any and every aspect of birth, conception, infertility, adoption, and parenting from complete strangers!  I don't know what it is, maybe it's just me, but this has happened with both my kids.  A baby seems to act like a full moon on a werewolf: people just mutate into semi-rude enthusiasts who have never heard of boundaries or tact.

What do you say?  What do you do?  You don't want to be rude but you also don't want strangers in your kid's face.  How do you answer impertinent questions, especially when it's an adoption and you'd rather not get into the gory details with a random person in the checkout line?  It's bad enough when the relatives go a little batty, but do I really have to deal with it at the grocery store from complete strangers too?  Maybe I should just be like the guy in 'The Emperor's New Groove,' and start shouting, 'no touchy' at all and sundry and set my myrmidons on them when they throw off 'my groove.'  Me likes!  Remember: 'Do not meddle in the affairs of mommies, for they are subtle and quick to anger.'

How to feed a baby or something like that

I've never really understood the 'airplane noise' approach to feeding small children.  Maybe I'm too prosaic or impatient to try (though I'm silly enough at other times).  But with my vast experience (n=2), perhaps I needs must write up a case study on the phenomenon.  My hypothesis shall be: a baby in motion will stay in motion...wait, sorry wrong branch of science!  How about: the best way to feed your baby is however your baby likes to eat.  If your baby requires the airplane method, then by all means use the airplane method and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.  My son wouldn't eat anything for 2.5 years and my daughter will eat anything (including scavenging under the buffet for lost crumbs and handfuls of dirt out of the flower pots!).  You could make airplane noises until you gained altitude but my son would still just glower at you and scream if you tried to put anything in his mouth unsanctioned.  He was also using silverware (big people version) by a year and insisted on doing everything himself and was the neatest baby I'm aware of (it was rather scary).  His sister is a happy disaster, the messier the better!  She might even smile at your airplane noises but don't stop feeding her to make them or you'll hear about it.

So there you have it, the simplest and easiest method to feed a baby: get a baby that likes to eat, nothing could be more straightforward...but you have a baby that isn't a good eater...hmmm...have you tried the airplane method?

Surviving Mother's Day and every day in between

Mother's Day looms, and for many, it is a painful day indeed, either because of a broken family, the death of a loved one, or the inability to have a family of your own for one reason or another, but here's an article you might find helpful for surviving not only that day but perhaps a lifetime of such sorrow, but also remember, this past Sunday was Easter, the very day when all we think we knew about life and death, suffering, hope, and despair got turned on its head.  Joy comes with the morning, remember that!  But first we must endure the night, and it can be long indeed, but morning will come if only we can hold on.