Most people I talk to are appalled, unbelieving that such a heinous act could occur in this enlightened age, but it is true, and my daughter will suffer for it, most grievously, probably for the rest of her life. People looked at me askance five years ago when my son started kindergarten and they discovered he had never been to preschool! At the time it was actually cheaper to send him to college, but as he couldn't pass the ACT we were forced to leave the poor little waif moldering at home as his brains festered from disuse and neglect, leaving him a hopeless failure for the rest of his school career, but strangely he seems to be thriving academically, must be a fluke. My poor beleaguered daughter fared better, she at least got a year of preschool, the local preschool went from private to part of the public school and the price dropped by 75%, still not cheap but doable. But then the tragedy happened, we chose not to re-enroll her next year. Yes, dear friends, she will spend a whole year at home, ruining her whole life, she'll probably be still at home when she's 73 because of that one misspent year.
Our preschool teachers are wonderful and amazing and I have nothing against the curriculum or the methods, except wherein my very temperamental, demanding, and extremely cute daughter is concerned. Our son would have done well, being ready to listen and please and of a quiet, sensitive temperament, but our little girl is all spunk, no princess this, rather she's the reigning Queen and expects to be treated as such, and nobody has the guts to stand up to her except her mother (apparently an Empress?). Worse than even her tantrums are the hordes of well meaning teachers, grandparents, even her daddy, and all the old ladies at church or the grocery store that break into tears at the mere thought of this neglected child not getting her way in everything and come beseeching mercy for the poor, darling creature. I told her teachers outright how they'd have to manage her: no treats, recess or any other perk until she sat down and did her work. It took six weeks, but finally they got her to sit still long enough and do the little project or exercise the other kids managed in five minutes and she was still ignoring two hours later. Worse, she'd come home with an attitude, much as she gets after a visit from the grandparents, and we'd spend the next two days reminding her that she isn't the boss.
While it is nice she can write her name and count and knows her shapes, what is the point? Our culture is so obsessed with what you know (or rather where you paid big money to 'learn' it) or on various physical or imagined traits that we seem to forget that that isn't who and what we are. Once you graduate and get a real job (not anything in Hollywood or politics or college level education), nobody cares about that stuff, except on social media. What really makes a difference in life is your character, your virtue, who you are when nobody is looking, can you make the right decisions even when they hurt? Are you going to make right choices for yourself, your family, your neighbors, your community, your world? If we had a whole society of such folks, imagine the country we might live in! That is one nice thing about reading the Bible or classic novels, you realize humanity really never changes, from the very earliest extant records of civilization (no matter what you think of the Bible as revealed Truth or not, it is the oldest, most complete, and extensive written record we have of ancient life and times). Whether we are reading Dickens or Moses or a Facebook thread, it seems personal virtue has ever been wanting, a rare and precious gem indeed and not just a modern trend, which means there is every chance of each individual parent and family inculcating it in the next generation, no matter the societal trends of our particular age.
So when I call her my preschool dropout, it isn't because of the money or that she doesn't have the brains, though I did get to miss preschool graduation (really?!), it is rather that I can superintend her moral development much better than a couple busy teachers overseeing two dozen kids and teaching them everything but. It scares me that people think their children learn nothing at home, that it requires a professional to teach them anything, that as long as they get the right education it will make up for a broken or neglectful home life. People don't practice their faith at home, maybe take their kids to church once a month, let them skip youth group because of sports, and are surprised when they never darken a church door once they leave for college? You devote hours and years to the baseball team even if the kid never plays it after college, how much more your faith? It isn't the church's fault that a whole generation has abandoned the faith, rather it is we as parents that are culpable, and the same goes for education, virtue, culture, society, and every other measurement of human flourishing: when it crumples or is neglected at home, the whole society suffers right along with the countless individuals who make it up. Throwing more and more money at it, dumbing down the curriculum, lowering expectations won't improve our educational crisis any more than it will fix the church, the world, society, or whatever.
We, as parents, need to love our kids, that means doing what is best for them, not what is convenient to us. We need to get married and stay married, provide a stable home and steady income, we need to be present as a family and parents, cut out extraneous activities and excessive screen time and let them be kids and play and develop relationships, we need to practice what we preach be it our faith or virtue, we need to be involved in our communities and get our kids involved, we need real relationships within and outside our home, the real world and people in it need to be more dear to us than any virtual alternative, only thereby can we raise our kids to be real people, with real hearts, able to tackle the real problems of our real world. Otherwise we're all just a bunch of glazed eyed avatars existing in a virtual fishbowl with no more depth of person than our skin color, sexual choices, or bank account, harping about the societal disaster of the moment and feeling that our little post or like or view is somehow a virtuous act or makes us a good person or will actually change things.
Yeah, she's missing a whole year of preschool, but maybe she'll gain the real skills she'll need to succeed her entire life and for all the glorious ages to come. For a time I was in near despair, wondering if there was actually any hope or progress, if all the hassle and bother and angst is worth it, are we really making a difference? Then we had a family over for a meal and their little girl, about the same age, was an absolute terror, whose behavior and tantrums were either ignored or indulged constantly and even though it was a rather long (if relatively short) visit but a timely reminder to me (though I was sad for the little girl's long term happiness) that yes, while my little girl has her issues and moments, over all she is a good kid, with a sweet heart, and is gradually learning how to control her temper and think about the needs and feelings of others and that listening isn't such a terrible thing after all. It's an uphill battle through thick brush in the pouring rain and saturated ground, but we are making progress and the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train, I hope! Good parenting is hard, but its repercussions will last for generations and have an ever spreading effect on all levels of society, not just on the lives of our children.
