…all the law and the prophets.

I went to my five year high school class reunion ten years ago (yes, I am that old) and was really unimpressed and haven't managed to make it back since (that and I live 800 miles away).  I really don't have any friends I'd like to catch up with and have far too many painful memories I'd rather not rehash, yet curiosity drove my husband to check out the Facebook page for the recent fifteenth reunion and it makes me glad I didn't go.  We might have aged a little, but there, right in front, were the people who tormented, ostracized, and belittled me for thirteen long years simply for being myself.  Part of me would like to go back and show them that I am a success, however you define the word, but a wiser part of me knows they won't care, they'll never be impressed (most especially by my relatively modest achievements), and an even wiser part of me wonders why I care what they think at all.  Just looking at those photos gives me a sick feeling in my stomach, even fifteen years later; haven't I outgrown this?

Whoever coined the phrase, 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words shall never hurt me,' never endured junior high.  I've had a broken bone, and though it hurt, at least it was only until it healed.  Wounds to the heart, especially chronic ones, take a very long time to heal, if they ever do.  If you teach your children anything, let it be to treat others gently and as they would be treated.

Here there be dragons

'Off the grid,' is a popular term describing people who want to live independently, surviving by their ingenuity rather than depending on the amenities of civilization at large.  We live 'off the map,' but are still on the grid.  It is said that in the old days, they used to adorn maps with dragons and such, warning that none knew what lurked beyond its borders (though this is very possibly an urban legend, it is still quite romantic).  I wish google maps had a 'here there be dragons' option, at least it would be more honest than the random guessing it seems to do out here in 'no man's land.'  Our state park website actually cautions people to follow the signs rather than their gps units, because who knows where you'll end up?

We've had people come to visit who couldn't find our house (which is right off a main road) because they depended on their gps rather than following the basic instructions I sent them.  I don't know why the things don't function out here or why they are convinced they have to basically make things up instead of just saying they haven't a clue where you are going.  I know technology doesn't intentionally lie, but this seems to be the next closest thing.  Instead of saying 'no data available' or some such, our unit has sent us miles out of the way and assured me that whatever we were looking for was located out in the middle of 80 square miles of rangeland.  Just pop up the dragon symbol and I'll try finding it the old fashioned way, rather than driving around in circles for hours trying to find something that isn't anywhere near where the device says it must be.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times?

I don't know what's gotten into me lately, when I was a kid, I was a little crafty, but lately I think I'm having some sort of mid-life craft crisis.  It started with refinishing a couple dressers, then mounting a map on some wood, then I found an old wind up clock at a thrift store, my latest venture is truly weird: car repair.  Well, not so much car repair per se but rather figuring out how to fix a broken seat belt.  Maybe it is some sort of weird variant of 'nesting behavior?'  Last time we were on an adoption wait list I redid the nursery (office/library/spare bedroom…) about four times before our son came home.  This time I'm fixing clocks and replacing seat belts?

Anywho, the latch part on one of our belts in the back seat of our ancient sedan was broken and as kids are not allowed into the front seat until they are legally of drinking age, I thought it might be a good idea to get it fixed before we have another car seat to deal with.  Ordering a new part was rather expensive, but after watching a video online, I had an idea.  We had a middle seat belt in the front and I don't think we've ever used it, why not just switch out the unused latch for the broken one?  I even tested it on the front side belts to make sure it matched, and we were in luck.  After a ton of messing around, dismantling my car, praying everything went back together in a safe and usable fashion, and futzing around with rusted bolts, etc, we finally got the belts switched around, only to discover the back side belts don't fit in that particular latch!  The front side belts do, the front middle belt does, and so does the back middle belt but the side ones don't.  No problem, I'll just buy a seat belt extender, that should fix the problem.  Not so much, apparently I own one of the 3% of cars that won't work with the extender, the front and middle belts do though.  At least now I have two latches for the middle belt!  I better stick with clocks...

Missing the point

For some reason 'adult only' weddings have been in the cultural focus of late, but as I think upon it (and read a bit of what others have to say), I think many are missing the point.  I am annoyed that one wedding advice site says to say 'budget constraints' are the reason (whether they are or not) when asked by upset relatives as to why their darling children aren't invited, but the etiquette of lying to your wedding guests to save face is another topic entirely.  The problem is at root, a clash of world views, our idea of what marriage is and why it is (or is not) important.

Modern American culture says life is about me, most especially my wedding day.  In this light, the person throwing the party should get to make the rules and if that means kids aren't invited, that's just how it is and we must respect that, no matter how much you disagree, because, in the end, it is their party.

The problem is, the traditional view of marriage (and weddings) is that they involve more than 'us' or 'me.'  Whereas you can have an adult only gala celebrating just about anything and no one will complain, marriage has traditionally involved children, families, and communities, so when you want to throw a wedding that's just about 'me,' and say kids/families aren't welcome, you are running head on into tradition and what some may consider a 'quaint' cultural norm.  But in a day where marriage is no longer the cornerstone of families or society, to many, it is just another party or reason to celebrate, 'me.'    You used to have to get married before having kids, now it isn't even a vital part of the equation (or so modern society tells us), so why invite kids to your wedding?

I find it a sad commentary on modern social trends, just another symptom of our dying family culture, and that saddens me far more than a kid-free wedding invitation.  It is just another party, just another relationship, what's the big deal?  That so many people can't answer that question is truly frightening.

Here there be dragons: How to save $177.36 on a wood mounted map.

I am not a crafting genius or even a person that goes out looking for 'projects,' but when my husband came home after seeing a wood mounted map somewhere and mentions he would like to own one, but google prices them around $197.36, part of me wonders if I can make one myself.  So was this project born.  We have a rather expensive map of historic Bavaria we brought home from Germany a few years ago that I have yet to do anything with, this might be a good option but not as the guinea pig.  I found a $5 map on ebay: a double globe reprint from a 1700's original on parchment looking paper to try this crazy experiment on.

I've never 'mod podged' anything in my life but this seemed like a good time to start.  Now to find a base.  The map was 20x24" approximately, I wanted a wooden base but didn't want to spend a fortune, I own no wood working tools fancier than a hammer, and haven't a clue when it comes to such things.  Perusing a big box hardware store website for ideas, I ran across something called 'car siding' which seemed like it might work, as it was tongue and groove and comes in a variety of sizes.  I went to the local hardware store and they cut me 5 pieces that were two feet long and each was 4" wide after connecting the tongue and groove.  A little wood glue and I had my base, but it was raw, fresh pine, not exactly a great base for an old map.

A little more googling and I found a method to 'age' wood using vinegar and steel wool, but either I was too impatient or didn't do it right because I didn't have much luck with it; the vinegar mixture probably just needs to age a bit, something I was not patient enough to wait for.  Instead I found some old stain in the basement labeled 'dark walnut' and did a light coat of that, perfect!  My boards looked as old as my map.  The map was slightly too large so I trimmed off the excess but it looked a little tacky and uneven, what about singeing the edges?  I took a candle (the kind you use on birthday cakes) and held the flame to the poster edges, blowing out the flame if it got a little too frisky.  It gave me a very authentic and interesting looking edge.  I mod-podged the map onto the base and then applied another coat on top.  Once dry, I put two layers of polycrylic over that and attached a couple picture frame hangers on the back, voila!  There are a few wrinkles, but that adds to the character and interest of the piece (or so I tell myself, perhaps my mod-podging needs some work), but overall I'm very happy with it.  Now to find someone to pay me $200 for it!

Update: Most of the wrinkles actually work themselves out as the map dries, I am very happy with the finished product.  I even risked our 'expensive' map in a similar process.  I tried the steel wool/vinegar combination again (after it sat for a week or more) and it was much better, it gave the pine an almost reddish tinge, but I still like it in combination with the walnut stain (versus either alone).  Definitely an interesting project.

Social Renegade at last!

I was that kid you hated in high school, you know, the quiet intelligent one that NEVER did anything wrong, not even misspelled a word…okay, my spelling wasn't perfect, but I was never even remotely close to rebellious; I was too terrified to rebel.  My clothes didn't have holes in them, my hair wasn't purple, I never got a tattoo or piercing, everything I learned about drugs and alcohol was from a book, I didn't even go out with anyone or listen to loud music.  Growing up and moving on with my life, I still never found my way into 'trouble,' even as tattoos and piercings became mainstream; I did skip class once, in graduate school, to buy movie tickets…wow, now that is rebellion!  Sigh, I'm still that kid you hate.

Then I woke up one morning and discovered I was a rebel at last!  I had attained the status of social renegade through no effort of my own.  I'm still the same, ho hum, theoretically boring, drab person I have always been, but the world has suddenly turned on its head.  I grew up in the midst of the divorce craze that ravaged so many families at the end of the last century (boy I sound old) and have watched marriage rates plummet in the intervening years until it is no longer a cultural norm, but rather one lifestyle choice among many, and then the whole institution has suddenly been redefined, meaning it will soon have no definition at all, at least among the majority of Americans.  Get married if you like or don't, it doesn't matter, marry whomever you want, break it off when it gets cumbersome or dull; it's all the same, at least on the level of cultural perception and acceptance.

So the cultural rebels of yesteryear had long hair (it was green) and tattoos and listened to stuff that could not possibly be classified as music at headache-inducing decibels.  Today's rebels will marry someone of the opposite genetic sex and remain in that sordid relationship indefinitely; weird, that's like so retro, man.  Talk about countercultural!  Does this mean I'm finally cool?

Google the all knowing

We live in a wondrous age: we have vast amounts of information (and probably far more than is good for us) at our fingertips.  Need a new recipe?  Don't know what to do with that chipped and ruinous dresser?  Want a free copy of 'Romeo and Juliet?'  What does, 'que pasa' mean?  And on and on, ad infinitum.  But omniscience does have its limits, really.

I picked up an older wind-up clock at a thrift store for a great price because it did not run, I googled fixing the little buggers, and figured I'd have it running in no time.  I managed to unscrew the back and take off the pendulum, but dared go no deeper for fear of ruining the entire works.  It was certainly more complicated than my internet how-to guide made it sound.  I'll take it to an expert for a second opinion.  I've noticed google's limitations in the medical field as well, go type 'fever' or 'lethargy' into webMD or any other medical information/diagnosis site and see what happens: you should have narrowed your differential list to about 25000 diseases more or less, but this still does not prevent the occasional person from walking into my office certain sure of their diagnosis, all they need is the proper medication to treat it, and sadly that requires a prescription (and thus an office visit); why can't they just make every medication over the counter?  We have google, who needs a doctor?

New Forest Disease?  Never heard of it, you're sure?  The eyes are watery, some are red with a white center?  I'd recommend some oxytetracycline ($5) but you want a gallon of aloe vera juice ($75), you're sure?  Sounds like your calves have pink eye, but you're sure?  Okay then.  That's an actual conversation, google had spoken and I couldn't talk them out of it.  At least the tetracycline should work on the pinkeye, I don't know what they'll do with the aloe.  I also had a case of 'distemper' I managed to treat with doxycycline (antibiotics don't typically work on viruses, but as this was a classic case of lyme disease it actually worked quite well).  There is definitely a difference between wisdom and knowledge; we are adrift in a sea of knowledge (and even more opinions), but few are those that know how to sift through the flotsam and jetsam to find the bits of true worth and how to apply that information for the benefit of others.  We are all of us experts on everything, at least if we have a smartphone handy!