Home at last

I thought I had it, my whole life growing up, but it was a lie, a mirage, a figment of my own imagining. Then I went to college and grad school and thought maybe then I had found it, but not so much.  Then I got married and had a career and still it was lacking.  Then we became parents, perhaps then?  Nope.  I had many places where I have lived, many a house as it were, but never a home.

Your physical circumstances, life stage, and relative amount of success and fortune have very little to do with the concept home.  Yes, you can have a very nice house, but it is still just a house, not a home, unless it abounds with life and laughter and love, whereas you can shack up in a cave or a condo or a tent and be completely at home.  Are you accepted and welcome?  Is there love there?  Is there peace and joy and hope?  Can you have fun or be quiet or cry or dance when you feel like it?  Can you be yourself?  Can you always go back?  Are you safe?  That is home, it has nothing to do with the quality or lack of walls about you.

My problem was I grew up with abuse and neglect and was taught that no one could ever love me, that I wasn't worth loving, that I deserved to be treated like dirt, therefore I could never find a home, at least until those destructive and dangerous lies were dealt with.  What is it in your own life that keeps you from coming home?  A destructive relationship?  Believing lies about yourself or others?  Focusing on things that don't really matter (career, social status, power, money…)?  Waiting for the 'right' circumstances (a romantic partner, kids, a house in the country, the perfect job…)?  It wasn't easy, but coming home was the best thing I ever did.  You won't be disappointed and you don't have to wait, the road might be long, difficult, and painful, but the light will be on when you finally get there!

On Musical Geniuses

I am not a musical genius, I spent 8 years in band and still put 5 beats in 4.  I had a whole year of piano when I was 12 (my sister was getting stickers for learning her songs and I wanted stickers too, an excellent reason to play the piano!).  If I know the song I can probably plunk out the treble cleft but the bass cleft is still a mystery, sort of like organic chemistry, and don't even think about having me play something I've never heard before because it will certainly sound like something you've never heard before.  In this I can truly say my left hand has no idea what my right is doing!

So one day I was sitting here staring at our Mac, wondering what all those strange little icons were (I grew up with a PC) and hit something that might have been a guitar.  Up pops a dude who wants to teach you chording on the guitar and piano.  I know nothing of guitars (for which most ears are grateful) but we inherited a piano with the house with which I have been dabbling.  There probably is a book called 'Piano for Dummies' but as usual, I had to go and figure it out the hard way, but I have decided there is hope for me, at least in a musical sense.  I still need to know the song before playing it, but I can actually produce something like music and use both hands in the process.

Dear Grandparents

Dear Grandparents,

This is an open letter from a parent to the grandparents of America.  I will begin by acknowledging that there is a strange and wonderful bond between you and your grandkids, and I would not dare encroach thereupon, but I fear American culture has twisted the role of modern grandparents into something which we parents oftentimes fear, and reasonably so.  While it is your job to have fun with, take joy in, and occasionally indulge said grandchildren, it must be done in such a way that will not bring misery and harm to the objects of your love.  In other words, you must not indulge your own selfish desires at the expense of your grandchild's mental and emotional wellbeing by undermining either their parents' authority or characters.  By all means, spoil the little buggers, but not in a way that they will suffer from when they return home.

• It is not your place to question or undermine the way I raise my kids (unless it is truly abusive) in front of them or worse, tell them directly that the way mommy does such and such is wrong or bad, etc., if you must confront me about it, do so privately and respect my opinion on the subject, you had your chance to parent, this is mine.
• Do not reinforce behavior that is generally not allowed at home (tantrums, screaming, whining, incessant demands for something, overt disobedience or disrespect) by either indulging it, rewarding them for the behavior by giving them a treat to shut them up, or laughing at it and saying fondly, 'kids will be kids.'
• The rules are the rules, even at grandma's house.  Kids thrive on regularity and predictability.  Staying up way past bedtime, skipping naps, neglecting usual daily expectations (putting on his own shoes or picking up her toys), too many treats, too much excitement (the zoo, the pool, the park, and a trip to the ice cream parlor all in one day), excessive praise for things that usually are not a big deal (taking a bite of food), and too much attention (in their face every minute, afraid you are going to miss something) can all lead to frustration, confusion, and a sense of being completely overwhelmed in their little brains, especially when they come home and things are so routine and mundane and the expectations are the same, but there is no grandpa to aid and abet in shirking the rules.
• Your job is not to fill them up on sugar, caffeine, excitement, and then send them home to let the parents deal with the consequences, because it is not just the parents that suffer for it.  It is not easy for your grandchild to readjust to normal life, they literally go through a withdrawal and readjustment period, and it is painful for all involved, most especially the confused and frustrated child.  You don't give them addictive drugs for obvious reasons, but to a kid, too little discipline and too much fun and treats is just as dangerous.
• Do not take out your frustration with any persons in their lives via the grandchildren with comments such as 'your father is so stupid,' or 'your mother's boyfriend is a real loser.'  If you must, confront the adults themselves and leave the kids out of it.  You will only confuse and traumatize them and undermine their respect for you and the other people in their lives.
• Never compare one child to another (even one that is grown up) or treat one child or set of children better than another; you'll only crush their souls.
• Try and listen when we come to you with suggestions or concerns, we are not attacking you but want what is best for everybody.
• Your first and foremost responsibility is to help these kids grow into happy, healthy adults and all your thoughts, words, and actions should be directed towards that goal rather than to indulge your own amusement in the short term.
• Let the child be himself, don't force your interests and agenda onto his shoulders.  If he doesn't like baseball, that's okay, maybe you could learn a little bit about Star Wars or anime so you could at least speak the same language.
• Becoming a grandparent does not absolve you of all responsibility in helping raise these dear children to be well-adjusted adults, and in this world of broken families and dysfunctional relationships, you might just be the difference between a broken life and success for that child.  It is a vital and heavy responsibility, but one for which life has well prepared you.
• And remember, we are on the same team here: we love these kids more than anything, and we are your kids too, and love you likewise.  This isn't a competition, we aren't vying against one another for their love but rather working together for their ultimate good, from which everybody inevitably benefits.

Sincerely,

A Mom.

Teriyaki Chicken for the Crock Pot

I've used this simple sauce as a marinade and on the stove top before but never in the crock pot, it came out absolutely fabulous.  Serve with rice or noodles.  I used chicken legs but you can probably use any chicken or even pork, etc.

 For 56 ounces of chicken legs (or whatever):

In a large crock pot mix together:

1/2 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup vinegar
1.5 tsp garlic powder
celery salt and black pepper to taste

Add chicken legs and coat with marinade.  Cook on low for 6 hours.  Use the resulting liquid to flavor rice or noodles as a side dish.  That's it!

Bolognese Sauce, or not, but still good

I ran across a really great looking recipe in a magazine lately for Bolognese Sauce (a red sauce with ground meat and wine and milk, etc. for pasta) and thought I'd like to try it, except I don't have any wine and my stomach doth protest too much when I eat too much ground beef, pork, or sausage, so I made a few modifications.  The results might not be a true Bolognese Sauce but they are sure tasty.

In a large sauce pan with a little oil:

Saute onions, carrots, celery, sweet peppers, garlic (or your favorite combo of chopped, savory vegetables, about 1/2 cup each, except garlic).  I added ham and pepperoni at this point, about 3 oz each (try prosciutto or bacon) and cooked until crisp.

Add 1 24 oz jar of your favorite tomato pasta sauce and a 28 oz can of petite diced tomatoes, undrained.  Add 3/4 cup milk and either 1 cup beef broth or a bouillon cube.  Season as desired (basil, worchester sauce, a little sugar, garlic, black pepper, celery salt (obviously omit celery salt and garlic if you used them above), a dash of chili powder).  Bring to boil and simmer uncovered for 45 minutes or until thick and chunky (cook off extra liquid).  I added a bit of parmesan cheese at the very end.  For best flavor let sit in refrigerator over night.  Use for lasagna or over your favorite pasta!  Also makes a good deep dish pizza base: just pour over a prepared crust and top with cheese.

Batter to fry just about anything

I was in the mood for corn dogs but had no corn meal with which to make an attempt at making them, but what about a regular batter for frying hotdogs?  I searched the internet in vain, apparently it is a little studied art, thus had I a chance to add something to man's legacy via my theoretical genius.  What you are about to read is well nigh historic!  The movie rights are still up for grabs…

I have a recipe for sweet and sour chicken which is very much like the restaurant variety and thought that might make a nice starting place.  I replaced the water with buttermilk (or rather regular milk soured with vinegar) and added some baking soda, which should make for a lighter, crunchier coating.  I also spiced it up a bit with worchester sauce, garlic, celery salt, black pepper, and a dash of chili powder.  The first batch looked a little thick so I added a little water to thin it out, only to make it slide right off the hot dogs.  I added more flour so that it was the consistency of thick oatmeal and it not only stuck to the hot dogs beautifully but fried up light and crispy as well.  They also freeze and reheat well (in the oven).  I tried some mozzarella cheese, and while the results were delicious, it made quite a mess and you have to eat it right away, it would be quite a mess to reheat.  This would work well for just about anything if it will stick to a slippery hotdog, but if you want to deep fry something sweet, maybe leave out the spices and add some sugar?

How to Batter and Deep Fry Hotdogs:

Rules:

1. It will make a mess, deep frying anything usually does.
2. It is not all that healthy, but that isn't why we are doing this.
3. It tastes great!
4. It should be fun, you might as well make a big batch as the mess is the same anyway.

You will need:

Oil for frying (I used an old, small frying pan and canola oil, the larger the surface area of the pan, the more oil you will need/waste).

Something to fry: I used cheap hotdogs cut into quarters, but just about anything will work.

Batter:

3/4 cup flour
1 1/2 tsp corn starch
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp garlic powder, dash chili powder, 1/4 tsp celery salt and black pepper (change as desired)

Mix dry ingredients and then add 3/4 cup buttermilk and a tbsp worchester sauce (as desired), mix until smooth but should be rather thick.  Add hotdog chunks and stir to coat.  Add a few pieces at a time to hot oil, turn once and remove to wire rack to crisp/cool when golden brown.

The Cheater's Guide to Cross stitch

I had a picture that was okay, but nothing very interesting given to me by a relative when they cleaned out their office and switched jobs.  I would love to replace it but had nothing of a size to fit the mat/frame so it hung on the wall undisturbed until I found my cross stitch, with which I had had a dubious flirtation, to quote Spock, in my relative youth.  I had made one large piece (which had taken years) and gave it away in college to a beloved teacher, otherwise I had only dabbled in the art.  Going through a forgotten corner of a forgotten closet I came across a Monet, albeit not a painting but a barely begun stamped cross stitch aida clothe with one of his 'water lily' designs upon it.  About eight years ago I thought it would be fun to try it again, though I had never done a 'stamped' pattern before, I fell in love with the colors and the design and bought the kit, only to discover that the stamped one was even worse than the true 'counted' cross stitch as now I not only had to count little tiny boxes but most were an absurd kaleidoscope of colors which quickly induced a seizure, a migraine, or very possibly both.  So 7.5 years ago it got put in the box of unfinished cross-stitchy things and was soon forgotten.  There was also a partially finished Amish type sampler that will remain so indefinitely unless one of my kids gets a freak to finish it one day, but the Monet was still pretty, if barely stitched, it seemed a shame to let it molder in that box.

It also fit perfectly in that frame, with a little surgery on the mat, and yes I will call it surgery as I used a scalpel to cut the mat, one of these days I will invest in an exacto-knife.  I ironed my Monet (how many people can say they've done that?), enlarged the opening in the mat, and voila!  I now had a very pretty, pseudo embroidered picture.  You have to look really close to see that the whole thing isn't actually stitched.  So if you like the look of cross-stitch but haven't the knack, the patience, or the time, you can invest in a 'stamped' kit of your choosing, throw in a few stitches if you'd like, or just frame the picture and call it good, just don't enter it in any embroidery contests!