Is pie, not bundt!

 I've recently discovered my new family favorite holiday tradition dessert, it started with this gluten free chocolate bundt cake recipe, which I tweaked by using homemade mayo (1 whole egg, 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar, and 1/2 cup canola oil whisked slowly together) instead of the sour cream and cut the sugar to 1 1/3 cups and then adding a sugar-lace crust to the outside by oiling and sugaring the bundt pan before adding the batter and baking.  Now it has mutated into a pie, but such a lovely pie!  When I was a kid my mother used to make a chocolate chip date cake (apparently called a West Haven cake) that had sugar and chocolate chips on top and I loved it, and wondered if I could do the same to my beloved bundt.  Instead of a bundt pan I used two 10" glass pie plates.  I coated both with canola oil and sugar then divided the batter between them, spreading it out and topped with chocolate chips and granulated sugar before baking.  The results were pretty and tasty and a new family tradition, which is saying something for a dairy free and gluten free confection!  Enjoy!

Just in time for thanksgiving!

 What better way to celebrate turkey day than to read about someone else's gut health!  Yeah, I know, nor did I ever think I'd be blogging about such a subject, but in this strange journey through chronic inflammatory disease, I've come across a few things that someone else might actually find useful or interesting that I've not found anywhere else on the internet (not that anybody will find this blog either!).  There seems to be a consensus on food sensitivity causing problems in your gut but how about food consistency or how it is processed?  I'm not talking about store bought, commercial processing here but rather stuff you can do at home.  Lately I've had two different examples in my own limited existence but I can't find any other examples on the all knowing interweb, though it is mostly because I don't know exactly what to search for, this not being a topic I've encountered in my own medical training or personal health before.

There's no doubt when feeding cows that processing makes a huge difference, especially with the size of the grain particles and the length of the forage, but lacking a rumen, I figured people might be a little different, but apparently I am part ruminant or at least my gut thinks I should be!  I've had trouble with things like pudding, ice cream, etc. for a long time, but I thought it was simply the sugar causing an osmotic diarrhea or something or maybe the dairy before I had to go off it, but it doesn't matter how much sugar is in it or if it is coconut or almond milk, I still have trouble.  I even made a smoothie the other day out of peanut butter, oatmeal, and cocoa powder with only a tablespoon of sugar in the entire thing (of which I only sampled about 1/3) and had issues, though I can eat the same exact stuff in bundt cake form and do just fine.

Then there was the hotdog incident.  I thought about making hotdogs at home, since I can't eat the store bought ones for various reasons, and saw a technique for adding water to your ground meat and processing it in your high speed blender, so I tried it just for fun.  I made my usual meatball recipe and made half into meatballs and emulsified the other half to make hotdogs, exact same ingredients, one just went through the blender and had some water added.  The meatballs were fine but the 'hotdogs' were bad news.  All I can conclude is that it is the consistency of the product and not just the ingredients.  Apparently, like the cow, I must ingest things that are as minimally processed as possible, hopefully I don't have to switch to a mostly forage diet however, hay is rather scarce this year, to say nothing of trying to consume enough of the stuff, but then I have trouble with raw carrots, lettuce, and even whole oats, so minimally processed isn't the cure either.  On that note, how do you feed a centaur?  How can a human mouth possibly consume enough forage to sate an equine stomach?

So that is my thoroughly researched case study, it isn't just the what but the how in dealing with gut issues, some food for thought (please forgive the pun, I couldn't not do it!), and I can't wait to see your paper on centaur nutrition!

Chocolate Gluten Free Bundt cake!

 I haven't made many bundt cakes (anyone else thinking Big Fat Greek Wedding right now?) and I haven't found my chocolate gluten free cake yet, but this baby is awesome!  I did substitute homemade mayo for the sour cream as I can't do dairy and have no access to non-dairy dairy products out here in the hinterlands, and it was still wonderful.  I also found a site that recommended brushing the bundt pan with a neutral refined oil (canola, vegetable, corn...) and then shaking 1/3 cup sugar around and coating the entire inner surface, so as the cake bakes it gets a crispy, lacy sugar shell which really makes it shine.  I did cut the sugar in the recipe to 1 1/3 cups too, though it is still a little rich for my 'low sugar' diet...I'll just have to try and eat a smaller piece...yeah right!  Enjoy!

The third sign of the apocalypse?

 So I was at the store the other day and came across a meat-lovers frozen pizza that boasted vegan 'meat,' 'cheese,' and a gluten free crust, and instead of rejoicing that I had found a 'pizza' I could actually eat, I was rather confused.  Just for fun I googled reviews on the thing and found it was either the best thing ever or akin to eating plastic, and at $10 for a rather dismal serving size, I wasn't going to investigate further, no matter how curious.  Looking at the ingredients it was mostly tapioca starch and pea protein (crust, cheese, pepperoni, and sausage all!).  Frozen pizza in general is rather questionable, there are a few brands that are pretty good, but this looked like an el cheapo one wherein the box is actually more tasty, to say nothing of everything on it is fake but the sauce!  You can make a good gluten free pizza crust, I've done it, but I don't know if you can combine gluten free and frozen pizza and come up with something edible, to say nothing of the 'cheese' and 'meat.'

I've tried that brand of fake cheese, desperate to make an edible dairy free pizza at home, but it just isn't the same.  It sort of melts, but doesn't brown and certainly doesn't stretch, rather all I see, and taste!, are sad globs of tapioca starch all over my sad little pizza.  And since I gave up processed meats (good bye pepperoni and sausage) there's no point in even trying to eat pizza at all, but now I can eat the pea protein equivalent, ugh!  I really don't understand the logic behind this monstrosity (assuming there is any?).  I thought we were all about less processed stuff, real food, that sort of thing, but this is like eating an organic Oreo: what's the point?!  If you want to eat vegan or must, that is your choice and you have every right to eat whatever you want, but this?!  There are some really cool things you can do to fruits and vegetables to make them even more tasty and appetizing without torturing them into a shape and nature not their own.  What cheap hotdogs do to actual meat is what this catastrophe does to vegan fare!

I understand that longing for the comfort food of your youth, really, I do, giving up cheese due to a food sensitivity is one of the hardest things I've ever done, and unlike gluten or milk, I can't find a decent substitute and must adapt and learn to live without it, including real pizza; I'd rather go without than eat a horrible, and expensive, imitation with no nutritional value.  Maybe it is just that I have to make everything at home and have grown used to homemade quality, maybe if you eat el cheapo frozen pizza regularly this isn't much different (because those aren't real either!).  I used to love Kraft Mac and Cheese and stuff like that too, before necessity made me learn to make everything myself, and now I don't find any of it appetizing, which is a good thing, as then I won't drool all over my husband's frozen pizza when next we have pizza night (a decent brand!).  How is that for ironic?  I make a homemade gluten free pizza for my son and bake a regular frozen pizza for my husband and daughter, when I used to make it from scratch, but it gets kind of crowded and busy in my kitchen to make a regular wheat pizza, a gluten free pizza with real cheese, and a batch of gluten free bread sticks (with vegan butter and nutritional yeast) for me, I was starting to feel like a pizzeria so it was easy enough to buy a good quality frozen wheat pizza for half the family and worry about making homemade what must be homemade.

Why not have a veggie pizza with real veggies instead of a pizza with fake meat and fake cheese, at least the real veggies might salvage the fake cheese?  Why this urge to eat something fake just to feel like you are eating something real?  But perhaps it is only a reflection of our larger cultural moment, social media has corrupted our vision of everything, we can edit our lives to be whatever we want them to be, at least to the world's perception, so why not our diet?  I want to eat meat and cheese and pizza and bread, no matter my dietary restrictions or preferences, so that is what I am going to do, even if it is actually none of those things!  To think a pizza might cause one to pause and consider the larger questions of life!  Who are you? Why are you here?  Are you merely a perception of those around you, is that all that matters, or are you a real, authentic person when the camera is off and no one is around?  Are you a fake pizza or the real thing?  Don't be a sad blob of soggy tapioca starch atop the pizza of life, be a pepperoni or an olive or real cheese, whatever you are called to be!

What the experts say about probiotics!

I've been dealing with gut issues for over a decade now, it is probably best described as leaky gut syndrome with secondary fibromyalgia, IBS, and chronic fatigue that flare up whenever I eat the wrong things.  I did a blood food sensitivity test a few years back and have gradually been ridding the worst malefactors from my diet (as painful as that is!) and have been doing much better, the latest to go is too much sugar (of any variety, including honey, fruit juice, whatever) and as I have a major sweet tooth and can't tolerate the artificial sweeteners, well, it's been hard, but really worth it.  That being said, I've tried all sorts of things to help my beleaguered gut over the years, but I wanted to try probiotics again, because apparently they work miracles though I had tried some a long time ago and wasn't impressed.  I did my research and found one that was reasonably priced and was supposed to get live bugs into your small intestine (instead of getting killed by stomach acid like many are) and thought I was on my way.  I read the reviews, they were either amazing and changed your life or almost killed you, so I figured I didn't have much to lose, being mostly dead anyway.

A few weeks before I ordered my little bacterial friends I began to significantly increase the fiber and other prebiotics in my diet (all those crazy substances the little buggers love).  And as I did so, I began to feel better (this coincided with my sugar purge) and couldn't wait to see if the probiotic did its thing or not.  It came and I started slowly, a half capsule twice daily (recommended serving size was two whole capsules daily).  I didn't notice any magical side effects but neither did I get sick like some of the reviewers claimed.  I gradually got up to the full serving and nothing appreciable happened, at least initially, after about a week on the full dose I started feeling lousy again.  I stopped the probiotic and was magically better.  Then I started to do a little digging.  All we hear about is how magical and wonderful probiotics are, but is it just placebo effect?  I found an article on the American Gastroenterologist's Association page and was stunned, nobody ever mentions what the experts actually say.  If you don't want to read all the medical and scientific jargon, I'll boil it down for you: they found probiotics have not proved to be significantly beneficial in most cases of gastointestinal pathology.

And why did I and seemingly a significant number of reviewers of my probiotic of choice get sick?  It was pretty much a case of self-induced SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth).  You're dumping 40 billion live bacteria into your small intestine on a daily basis and the body responds as it would to food poisoning or any other massive invasion of intestinal pathogens: fever, malaise, lethargy, diarrhea, gas, cramping.  The product does exactly what it says, so I would rate the product as excellent, but I would carefully consider if it is wise to use the product in the first place.  Technically speaking, by changing your diet (less sugar, higher fiber) your gut bugs naturally adapt to the changed environment and you get more healthy gut flora without horking down half a hundred billion bugs a day.  Even 'good' bacteria, in high doses, can be a problem.  The answer isn't a pill but rather a lifestyle change: eat more whole grains, more fruits (with the skin!) and veggies (eat the peal), and cut back on the preservatives, processed stuff, sugar (even honey and maple syrup), cut the artificial sweeteners, cut the NSAIDS, get tested for food sensitivities and cut the major malefactors, exercise sensibly and minimize other gut irritants (alcohol, certain drugs...).

I just sat through a bovine nutrition seminar at a continuing education event and they were adamant that we aren't feeding cows, we are feeding rumen bugs, and I figured if a cow doctor is talking about leaky gut and managing gastorintestinal health, it most definitely applies to people as well!  It isn't easy, it isn't quick, it isn't fun, but it sure beats being sick all the time!  The answer isn't another supplement or drug or essential oil or certain diet or exercise or avoiding certain things, it's just plain old hard work and common sense, and in an age where we just hit a button and have the world at our fingertips, that is very difficult indeed.  I really miss pizza and brownies and a thousand other things, but it just isn't worth it.  And don't try changing everything overnight, pick one thing and work on that, gradually work it into your lifestyle, and instead of focusing on what you can't have, pick something good that you can!

Hope for those without pierced ears!

 I have one of my grandmother's clip on ear rings in a box in the basement, she never would/could (not sure which) get her ears pierced and though a little clumsy looking, it reminds me of her, but I only have one and wouldn't ever wear something like that so it has never been worn since she died.  I've had my ears pierced since I was a teenager but can't wear anything, literally anything, gold, surgical steel, silver, nope, my ears blow up and it just isn't worth it and when I think of clip-ons I think of grandma and smile wistfully but don't think any more about wearing such things myself.  Then I got a text from a friend with some weird twisted wire contraption that looks really elegant and makes you look like you have elf ears to boot.  I don't want to wear something like that for everyday, but it would be fun for those rare occasions when you can actually dress up as an adult.  But it also got me curious as to other, similar options.  It is called an ear wrap or an ear cuff, basically its a piece of jewelry that can stay in/on your ears without piercings to hold them in place.  There are a variety of options available on etsy, eBay, and amazon, so have fun!  I ordered several and have found they both stay in and are not uncomfortable and look great!

Everything I learned about life I learned from a Disney movie?

 We went to Yellowstone a few years back and I was rather distressed at what people would do for a picture: jumping over guard rails to stand on the edge of a frosty gorge, sticking their camera in the face of a buffalo with a week old calf, bathing in a hot spring...no wonder people get killed out there!  I'm afraid the only thing most people know about the world in general and wildlife/places in particular comes from either the internet, the discovery channel, or a Disney movie.  Sorry to say that dancing/singing mice are kind of rare and won't help you out of your current predicament!  Cows kill people, and buffalo are their psycho jumpy unsocialized cousins!

This last week we spent in the Bighorn Mountains of Wyoming, and overall it was a wonderful experience, but I met someone who probably is the reason for warnings like 'do not iron clothes on body' or 'cattle chute is not for human use.'  I had a list of sights, drives, and hikes I wanted do, and on this particular day it was a hike out to a waterfall.  First the thing was very poorly marked and I was basically just guessing where the parking area was located based on several different internet maps and hiking apps, but we found what looked to be the right spot and set off.  The temp plunged from 60 to 45 and it started spitting rain, progressing to a steady drizzle at the falls.  The day before had been in the mid-nineties and we had endured a rather hot, thirsty hike so no one really thought to pack along their sweatshirt, assuming it would warm as the day progressed, gotta love mountain weather!  We huddled together under the trees until the worst of the rain abated and were moving enough that we didn't get too cold, but we came out on an area completely covered in rock, now extremely slick with the rain.  I was also half-dragging/half-pushing an unhappy four year old, who can trip in a grocery aisle, along with us.

We were on top of the falls, that plunged straight down a rocky face into the stream below, and it was super slippery, so much so that I didn't even let the little one anywhere near the most scenic spot.  Theoretically you can get down to the base of the falls but I didn't really want to die so we were about ready to turn around and head back to the car when I met the person of interest.  They too were packing younger kids along, not quite as young as mine, but not much older either.  I mentioned they might want to go up and around through the woods to get to the head of the falls as it was far less slippery than the bare rock, but the lady at the head of the party started demanding why I hadn't been to the base of the falls as the internet assured her it was possible, I tried to explain the slippery rocks and thought the angry toddler was rather obvious but all she could seem to understand was that the internet said it was possible and therefor she was going to do it.  I wished her well and portaged my whiny toddler back to the car, hoping for her kids' sake that she might actually believe her waking eyes rather than some review online!