Tastes great but yeah...

 So I really wanted ice cream and cake for my birthday, but since dairy and wheat are no-nos I had to get creative.  The cake part was fairly simple at this point in my gluten-free career but I haven't perfected the dairy-free ice cream yet, especially vanilla, fruit and chocolate I can attempt, but what do you use for a vanilla base?  I found a recipe using cashews and oats, and I tossed out the cashews and added extra oats to make something that almost was ice cream, except it was a little slimy.  Then liquid coffee creamer was on sale and I found a recipe that used straight coffee creamer so why not try that.  One commenter remarked that it gave their family rather drastic gastric upset but I thought it might be okay.  Well it tasted great, but yeah...not a recipe for the delicately stomached!

Too good to be true but it is! At least if you bake gluten free...

Christmas came a little early this year, I asked for an expensive ($15) implement of baking curiosity from the in-laws and they bought and mailed it to me early, knowing I'll have a use for it.  It's one of those things that looks too good to be true, but the price was right and the need dire (just kidding) so I thought I'd risk it and it really does work.  It looks like a wire coat hanger bent into strange spirals and attached to a wooden handle but the videos show it cutting through thick batter (aka most of gluten free baking!) like a butter knife through soft butter.  It's called a Danish Dough Whisk and it is the funkiest thing I've ever seen.  I thought I needed a powerful mixer or my bread machine to stir the dough posing as a batter that is most gluten free bread in its primordial phase but this baby cuts through it without getting clogged with batter or ineffectually stirring like a spoon.  I don't think it would be great for an actual dough, but for thick, sticky batters, it is amazing.  I can now mix gluten free by hand and use the bread machine for the hubby's wheat bagels again!  

Gluten free graham crackers

 I'm not a huge graham cracker fan, I think I've bought two boxes in the last decade, but you need them for smores and are a great excuse to eat frosting and the crumbs make a nice crust.  My in-laws bought a box of the gluten free ones and they were okay but at $5 a box for 20 smallish crackers, that's a little pricey.  Since I've already attempted all the easy stuff (Croissants and cinnamon rolls) I wondered if I could handle graham crackers (that's a joke!).  They actually turned out, are really affordable to make, and are a little addicting and even better than the wheat, boxed variety!  I cut the recipe in half and it exactly fits my silicone baking sheet but the original recipe uses parchment paper and separated each crack, I just spread it out, cut it into squares with a pizza cutter and then repeat the lines halfway through baking and it works great.  I also don't have molasses so I upped the brown sugar and the honey to get that unique taste.  Then I dipped them in chocolate...enjoy!

Gluten Free Graham Crackers:

2 cups gluten free flour (I used 1/3 part each brown rice flour, corn starch, and oat flour)

1 tsp xantham gum

1/4 tsp each baking soda and baking powder

1/8 tsp salt

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 cup brown sugar

6 T softened shortening

4 tablespoons honey (or 2 of honey and 2 of molasses)

1 tsp vanillas

1 egg

Water or milk as needed.

Whisk together dry ingredients and combine wet ingredients in another bowl, mix together until you get a soft dough, add a little water or milk as needed to pull it together.  Pat into a greased silicone baking mat or use parchment paper as desired, it should be about 1/8 inch thick.  Cut into squares with a pizza cutter and bake at 350 until puffy, golden brown, and solid, repeat serrations halfway through baking.  Cool on a wire rack and enjoy!

Criscuits anyone? A Gluten free cross between a croissant and a buttermilk biscuit

 I hate words like 'ginormous' which takes two perfectly sound words that mean the same thing to make a ridiculous word that doesn't improve the dialect by a wit.  But I don't know what to call this culinary concoction, I saw something on Pinterest about a 'cruffin' so why not a criscuit?  I've been playing with a gluten-free croissant recipe lately and this was my third attempt, the first time I left out 1/4 cup flour by bad math but they turned out delicious if ugly.  The second time I did everything as directed and came up with something edible but starchy, grainy, and dry, the first attempt was far superior, than the 'typical' gluten free baked good I ended up with.  I was also craving a nice, flakey buttermilk biscuit and wondering if this recipe could be adapted to both suit that purpose and make rolling out the dough a little less disastrous.  Today I think I found just the thing!  I wanted a batter style dough, think thick cake batter, but which is difficult to layer butter in and roll into the proper shape, but this worked out okay.  The result was flaky and golden brown and not hideous at all and totally wonderful, even the gluten-loving husband thought they were good (high praise!).  I used vegetable shortening since I can't have butter and margarine won't work for a proper croissant, but butter or lard should work, I think coconut oil might suffer the same problems as margarine (too soft at room temp) but feel free to try.

2 1/4 cup gluten free flour (I used 3/4 cup tapioca, 3/4 cup corn starch, and 1/4 cup each millet, brown rice, and oat flour)

1.5 tsp xanthin gum

1/4 cup sugar

1/2 tsp salt

2 tbsp shortening and 1/4 cup oil

2 eggs

1/2 cup water (can use milk)

1 tsp instant yeast

Mix everything in a sturdy mixer or bread machine until well blended, cover and allow to rise for 45 minutes in a warm moist place.  Spread on a piece of plastic wrap or a silicon baking mat into a layer about 1/4 inch thick.  Combine 1/2 cup shortening with 1/3 cup gluten free flour mix (1/2 flour and 1/2 starch) and spread on 2/3 of the dough, leaving the top 1/3 empty.  Fold the empty layer over the middle section and top with the bottom (like folding croissants), sealing the seem and end.  Cover and place in the fridge for 4 hours or the freezer for an hour.  Using your fingers and the plastic wrap, spread the lump of dough out until it is about an inch thick, divide into 12 sections with a silicon spatula.  Shape each section into a bun shape with wet hands and place on a greased baking sheet.  Place in a 385 degree oven until golden brown and cool covered on a wire rack.  Enjoy!

Already but not yet and a theology of bread?

 Since swearing off wheat, I thought cinnamon rolls were the ultimate challenge for gluten free baking, little realizing that it is probably croissants (especially when one cannot eat butter as well).  I've made wheat croissants a time or two but decided they were too putzy for the result, they were good, but eight hours of cooling/folding/repeat was a little ridiculous.  So I tossed them in the bin of things no longer to be enjoyed (alongside cheesy, gooey pizza).  I finally bought some shortening on sale, never having worked with the stuff (and being warned my whole life that just looking at it will kill you) I never really thought about it in light of croissants, mostly I just wanted a real chocolate chip cookie, which I did finally make with the stuff.  But if it works for cookies, why not croissants?  Before you lecture me on the health disasters awaiting me, let me say my liver, thanks to a genetic variation, is already bound and determined to produce cholesterol at twice the normal level and diet and exercise can't even touch it and only lethal doses of statins even make a dent in my numbers, so if I'm going to die of hereditary hypercholesterolemia or statin toxicity anyway, I can do it while gnoshing croissants!

There are dozens of recipes and websites out there offering gluten free recipe ideas that are 'just like real bread.'  I chose this one because it seemed fairly simple, had no weird ingredients I can't afford or tolerate (whey protein) and gave it a go.  The results were interesting (as most gluten free recipes are!).  At first it was more reminiscent of one of those 'crescent rolls' that pretend to be croissants.  Then it was sort of big, flaky biscuity.  But there was something of the real croissant in it as well.  It was like biting into 'real' bread again for the first time or making gluten free chocolate chip cookies that didn't run all over the pan and turn into a gooey mess, it was bread but it wasn't, there was something reminiscent and wonderful in the sensation, but it wasn't quite the original experience.  I did eat three of them, which is something that usually happens with real croissants, so that is something to consider.  It was 'already but not yet.'  Or perhaps 'again but not quite?'

In Christian theology there is a concept of 'already but not yet,' pertaining to many of the Old Testament prophecies and the promises of God, wherein some things have already come to pass, we can enjoy them now, but not everything has been fulfilled, like getting to open one gift the day before Christmas but having to wait for the rest until Christmas morning, we've had a taste of things to come but they are far from complete.  My fake croissants are sort of that way, croissants but not croissants, bread but not bread, a taste, a hint, a hope, but not yet.  Now if only there was a melty, gooey cheese-like experience!  I guess I'll just have to wait.

Whose vacation?

 I just read a book called 'Busman's Honeymoon,' and not being a native Brit, cognizant of the parlance of the 1930s, I adjourned to google for a definition of the phrase, 'Busman's Holiday,' which is an ingenious little phrase describing doing what you do for a living on your vacation (the bus driver goes on a bus tour!).  I love the British take on the English language, contributions like 'ginormous' are distinctly American, ugh!  In the novel, a pair of newly married amateur detectives discover a body in the basement of their new house, and story proceeds as usual.  I was minded of our recent 'vacation.'  As a mostly stay-at-home mom, I've noticed most people, including myself, don't think homemakers ever need time off.  While my husband got away from the office and pulpit for a few days and the kids got a break from school, I was still cooking, cleaning, organizing, packing, putting away, scheduling...except I get the added treat of doing it away from home while making sure everything at home and our church doesn't disintegrate in our absence.  I need a vacation to recover from my 'vacation!'

I'm not complaining, I love my family, our home, our congregation, and my ability to work part time in my profession, but the idea that I come home from a family vacation 'refreshed and relaxed' just isn't true, if anything, I'm completely useless for a week afterwards, able to do only the bare minimum required for family survival and not a hair more.  Then there's the dreaded 'conferences,' be they church or professional, in which I need to make arrangements for the feeding and sustenance of those left behind while I travel to an undisclosed location for 'personal improvement,' which in itself is exhausting, only to return and clean up the disaster that is my home life after a two day absence and pick up where I left off in our weekly schedule.  Who finds a women's retreat refreshing?  I won't mention the times my husband has wondered if we could go as a family to a professional conference and do some sightseeing between my 20 hours of CE crammed into three days, help!

I think I remember these things being far easier in college and as a young adult, maybe I had more energy and fewer responsibilities back then or maybe I was just young and stupid and didn't notice I was tired or maybe I look back with flawed vision to 'the good old days?'  Whatever the reason, my idea of a vacation is to stay blissfully at home, eating a boxed pizza, the kids in bed, and a good movie distracting both parents from the mundanities of life and ministry for a few lovely hours.  Life was so much simpler when I could cram it all in a backpack and speed off into the sunset for a long weekend, sleeping on someone's couch, and return to my studies on Monday no worse for wear.  But life was also less full, more lonely, with no meaning save the vague and foggy hope that the future might yield purpose and direction.  I don't think I'd go back if I could, it might be easier back then, but life now is deeper, and though exhausting, more joyful.

Gluten free naan, the next great experiment with Figgins reborn?

 I used to make naan every now and again (whether it was authentic or not, I do not know, but it was good!) back in my wheat days, now that those days are alas gone, I thought to try it again on the gluten free frontier.  I found several recipes, but all the best call for yogurt, and being unable to eat dairy and reluctant to eat non-dairy-dairy substitutes, I wasn't quite sure what to do, then I remembered my old friend Figgins.  I have an on-again-off-again romance with a sourdough culture affectionately named Figgins, who has appeared in both a gluten and gluten free version, but basically it is one part flour to one part milk to one part sugar plus a teaspoon of yeast to get it going (an amish friendship bread starter) and let it sit a few days until the worst of the bubbling is over.

I've replaced buttermilk in recipes with sourdough starter, why not yogurt?  But what about the milk?  Replace it with non-dairy milk (was there ever such an oxymoron?) or water or even coffee creamer (1 part dry coffee creamer to 2 parts hot water).  In a previous incarnation I used 100% oat flour but this time around I used 1 part each tapioca, corn starch, and brown rice flour, which I don't really like for this purpose as it get really sticky on the bottom leaving the rest rather thin.  But I used what I had and went ahead with it (I'm a little impatient sometimes!) and tried making naan last night.  I was using 'gluten free on a shoestring's' recipe, substituting oil for butter and the sourdough for yogurt.  I need to adjust the water because it really got soupy and I had to add extra starch, but even then it was still sticky and hard to work.

It made some really good bread, not quite the texture of the wheat version, but good in its own right.  Maybe if I leave it more of a batter and treat it like a pancake it might be easier to work but I don't know what that would do to texture.  I'll have to play with it and see what I come up with, maybe I'll post a recipe if I can get this madness (or genius?) to work!