On Getting a Life

I never wanted kids.  Growing up in abuse and neglect really sours your view of family, not to mention of the world itself.  I hated babysitting, mostly because I could never say no and got all the kids with no discipline whatsoever, nor did I have any idea of how to interact with children (or anyone else for that matter), but the neighbor kids saved me from utter and complete despair on that point, not perfect but real, showing me that a happy family wasn't just something found in fairy tales, that the world wasn't so dark and grim and hopeless as my current situation portrayed.  My life didn't have to fall into the rut laid down by countless generations before me, but I would have to be active in climbing out of that rut, else I'd end there by default.  But then who would ever deign to marry me?  I'd never get married and never have kids, a career woman I'd be.  Easy, no problems there, I'd have a full and successful life with none of the ache and pain of family.

My mother is the ultimate career woman.  Every time I call or say we're in the neighborhood, she's busy, has to work, important stuff to do...she hasn't seen her two year old granddaughter in a year and a half.  Okay, I've heard the same refrain since I was old enough to understand spoken language.  I'm tired of chasing her, bending myself into an unnatural shape hoping she'll love me this time.  But it's pointless, I'm never good enough, I'm never enough, she's too busy and important.  She has her career!  Boy does she seem happy (yes, sarcasm), sitting alone on her couch every evening watching 'American Pickers.'  The phone never rings with a friend on the other end.  There's no cheery card on her birthday.  She works every holiday, not so others can be home with their families, but so she doesn't have to be.  But she has her career and reruns, what more could she desire?

She had a family, but chose to lie in the rut, she didn't want to do the hard things, the painful things, the inconvenient things.  Now it lies ruined and broken, scattered and indifferent, like all the broken branches of our family tree as far back as you can go.  I didn't want a family, I'd never have one, but boy was I wrong; I had a career but it wasn't enough.  I'm a human person, I require relationships (not necessarily a spouse and kids!) to function and be happy and be fulfilled, but it requires admitting your brokenness, that you aren't perfect, in accepting the other person isn't either.  You need to endure inconvenience, frustration, nuisance, tedium, and the tempestuousness of another's moods.  It is so much more convenient to have all our relationships online or via text, but that isn't how we grow and it really isn't a relationship or a life, merely an existence, like my mother.

If all your friends are on facebook or you mostly text with those currently with you at a restaurant or in a car, you may have a problem.  When was the last time you had a real conversation with a congenial human person face to face (not FaceTime!)?  Lose the screen, pick up the awkwardness, and truly get a life, not just an existence.  

Italian Ice at Home

During our travels this summer I ran across a novel discovery: Italian ice, which is basically just sugar, water, and some sort of fruit juice/flavoring frozen in such a way as to minimize the size of the ice crystals, making it very smooth in texture versus say a slushy.  I scoured the interweb to discover if there was a way to do it at home (we living a thousand miles from the nearest retailer).  After scanning a few interesting recipe prospects, I adapted the various candidates to the following, which turned out most delicious:

Combine 1 cup sugar and 4 cups water in a sauce pan and bring to a boil.  Add 3/4 cup fruit juice concentrate of your choice (half of a frozen juice container, thawed) and stir until well combined.  Place in a freezer safe container with a lid and freeze.  Stir every hour or so to begin with, but as the concoction begins to set, stir every 10-15 minutes until no liquid remains.  You can eat it right away or store in the freezer, allowing it to thaw on the counter for 5 minutes before scraping a serving off the top with a metal ice cream scoop.  Enjoy!