Too good to be true but it is! At least if you bake gluten free...

Christmas came a little early this year, I asked for an expensive ($15) implement of baking curiosity from the in-laws and they bought and mailed it to me early, knowing I'll have a use for it.  It's one of those things that looks too good to be true, but the price was right and the need dire (just kidding) so I thought I'd risk it and it really does work.  It looks like a wire coat hanger bent into strange spirals and attached to a wooden handle but the videos show it cutting through thick batter (aka most of gluten free baking!) like a butter knife through soft butter.  It's called a Danish Dough Whisk and it is the funkiest thing I've ever seen.  I thought I needed a powerful mixer or my bread machine to stir the dough posing as a batter that is most gluten free bread in its primordial phase but this baby cuts through it without getting clogged with batter or ineffectually stirring like a spoon.  I don't think it would be great for an actual dough, but for thick, sticky batters, it is amazing.  I can now mix gluten free by hand and use the bread machine for the hubby's wheat bagels again!  

Gluten free graham crackers

 I'm not a huge graham cracker fan, I think I've bought two boxes in the last decade, but you need them for smores and are a great excuse to eat frosting and the crumbs make a nice crust.  My in-laws bought a box of the gluten free ones and they were okay but at $5 a box for 20 smallish crackers, that's a little pricey.  Since I've already attempted all the easy stuff (Croissants and cinnamon rolls) I wondered if I could handle graham crackers (that's a joke!).  They actually turned out, are really affordable to make, and are a little addicting and even better than the wheat, boxed variety!  I cut the recipe in half and it exactly fits my silicone baking sheet but the original recipe uses parchment paper and separated each crack, I just spread it out, cut it into squares with a pizza cutter and then repeat the lines halfway through baking and it works great.  I also don't have molasses so I upped the brown sugar and the honey to get that unique taste.  Then I dipped them in chocolate...enjoy!

Gluten Free Graham Crackers:

2 cups gluten free flour (I used 1/3 part each brown rice flour, corn starch, and oat flour)

1 tsp xantham gum

1/4 tsp each baking soda and baking powder

1/8 tsp salt

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 cup brown sugar

6 T softened shortening

4 tablespoons honey (or 2 of honey and 2 of molasses)

1 tsp vanillas

1 egg

Water or milk as needed.

Whisk together dry ingredients and combine wet ingredients in another bowl, mix together until you get a soft dough, add a little water or milk as needed to pull it together.  Pat into a greased silicone baking mat or use parchment paper as desired, it should be about 1/8 inch thick.  Cut into squares with a pizza cutter and bake at 350 until puffy, golden brown, and solid, repeat serrations halfway through baking.  Cool on a wire rack and enjoy!

Criscuits anyone? A Gluten free cross between a croissant and a buttermilk biscuit

 I hate words like 'ginormous' which takes two perfectly sound words that mean the same thing to make a ridiculous word that doesn't improve the dialect by a wit.  But I don't know what to call this culinary concoction, I saw something on Pinterest about a 'cruffin' so why not a criscuit?  I've been playing with a gluten-free croissant recipe lately and this was my third attempt, the first time I left out 1/4 cup flour by bad math but they turned out delicious if ugly.  The second time I did everything as directed and came up with something edible but starchy, grainy, and dry, the first attempt was far superior, than the 'typical' gluten free baked good I ended up with.  I was also craving a nice, flakey buttermilk biscuit and wondering if this recipe could be adapted to both suit that purpose and make rolling out the dough a little less disastrous.  Today I think I found just the thing!  I wanted a batter style dough, think thick cake batter, but which is difficult to layer butter in and roll into the proper shape, but this worked out okay.  The result was flaky and golden brown and not hideous at all and totally wonderful, even the gluten-loving husband thought they were good (high praise!).  I used vegetable shortening since I can't have butter and margarine won't work for a proper croissant, but butter or lard should work, I think coconut oil might suffer the same problems as margarine (too soft at room temp) but feel free to try.

2 1/4 cup gluten free flour (I used 3/4 cup tapioca, 3/4 cup corn starch, and 1/4 cup each millet, brown rice, and oat flour)

1.5 tsp xanthin gum

1/4 cup sugar

1/2 tsp salt

2 tbsp shortening and 1/4 cup oil

2 eggs

1/2 cup water (can use milk)

1 tsp instant yeast

Mix everything in a sturdy mixer or bread machine until well blended, cover and allow to rise for 45 minutes in a warm moist place.  Spread on a piece of plastic wrap or a silicon baking mat into a layer about 1/4 inch thick.  Combine 1/2 cup shortening with 1/3 cup gluten free flour mix (1/2 flour and 1/2 starch) and spread on 2/3 of the dough, leaving the top 1/3 empty.  Fold the empty layer over the middle section and top with the bottom (like folding croissants), sealing the seem and end.  Cover and place in the fridge for 4 hours or the freezer for an hour.  Using your fingers and the plastic wrap, spread the lump of dough out until it is about an inch thick, divide into 12 sections with a silicon spatula.  Shape each section into a bun shape with wet hands and place on a greased baking sheet.  Place in a 385 degree oven until golden brown and cool covered on a wire rack.  Enjoy!

Already but not yet and a theology of bread?

 Since swearing off wheat, I thought cinnamon rolls were the ultimate challenge for gluten free baking, little realizing that it is probably croissants (especially when one cannot eat butter as well).  I've made wheat croissants a time or two but decided they were too putzy for the result, they were good, but eight hours of cooling/folding/repeat was a little ridiculous.  So I tossed them in the bin of things no longer to be enjoyed (alongside cheesy, gooey pizza).  I finally bought some shortening on sale, never having worked with the stuff (and being warned my whole life that just looking at it will kill you) I never really thought about it in light of croissants, mostly I just wanted a real chocolate chip cookie, which I did finally make with the stuff.  But if it works for cookies, why not croissants?  Before you lecture me on the health disasters awaiting me, let me say my liver, thanks to a genetic variation, is already bound and determined to produce cholesterol at twice the normal level and diet and exercise can't even touch it and only lethal doses of statins even make a dent in my numbers, so if I'm going to die of hereditary hypercholesterolemia or statin toxicity anyway, I can do it while gnoshing croissants!

There are dozens of recipes and websites out there offering gluten free recipe ideas that are 'just like real bread.'  I chose this one because it seemed fairly simple, had no weird ingredients I can't afford or tolerate (whey protein) and gave it a go.  The results were interesting (as most gluten free recipes are!).  At first it was more reminiscent of one of those 'crescent rolls' that pretend to be croissants.  Then it was sort of big, flaky biscuity.  But there was something of the real croissant in it as well.  It was like biting into 'real' bread again for the first time or making gluten free chocolate chip cookies that didn't run all over the pan and turn into a gooey mess, it was bread but it wasn't, there was something reminiscent and wonderful in the sensation, but it wasn't quite the original experience.  I did eat three of them, which is something that usually happens with real croissants, so that is something to consider.  It was 'already but not yet.'  Or perhaps 'again but not quite?'

In Christian theology there is a concept of 'already but not yet,' pertaining to many of the Old Testament prophecies and the promises of God, wherein some things have already come to pass, we can enjoy them now, but not everything has been fulfilled, like getting to open one gift the day before Christmas but having to wait for the rest until Christmas morning, we've had a taste of things to come but they are far from complete.  My fake croissants are sort of that way, croissants but not croissants, bread but not bread, a taste, a hint, a hope, but not yet.  Now if only there was a melty, gooey cheese-like experience!  I guess I'll just have to wait.

Whose vacation?

 I just read a book called 'Busman's Honeymoon,' and not being a native Brit, cognizant of the parlance of the 1930s, I adjourned to google for a definition of the phrase, 'Busman's Holiday,' which is an ingenious little phrase describing doing what you do for a living on your vacation (the bus driver goes on a bus tour!).  I love the British take on the English language, contributions like 'ginormous' are distinctly American, ugh!  In the novel, a pair of newly married amateur detectives discover a body in the basement of their new house, and story proceeds as usual.  I was minded of our recent 'vacation.'  As a mostly stay-at-home mom, I've noticed most people, including myself, don't think homemakers ever need time off.  While my husband got away from the office and pulpit for a few days and the kids got a break from school, I was still cooking, cleaning, organizing, packing, putting away, scheduling...except I get the added treat of doing it away from home while making sure everything at home and our church doesn't disintegrate in our absence.  I need a vacation to recover from my 'vacation!'

I'm not complaining, I love my family, our home, our congregation, and my ability to work part time in my profession, but the idea that I come home from a family vacation 'refreshed and relaxed' just isn't true, if anything, I'm completely useless for a week afterwards, able to do only the bare minimum required for family survival and not a hair more.  Then there's the dreaded 'conferences,' be they church or professional, in which I need to make arrangements for the feeding and sustenance of those left behind while I travel to an undisclosed location for 'personal improvement,' which in itself is exhausting, only to return and clean up the disaster that is my home life after a two day absence and pick up where I left off in our weekly schedule.  Who finds a women's retreat refreshing?  I won't mention the times my husband has wondered if we could go as a family to a professional conference and do some sightseeing between my 20 hours of CE crammed into three days, help!

I think I remember these things being far easier in college and as a young adult, maybe I had more energy and fewer responsibilities back then or maybe I was just young and stupid and didn't notice I was tired or maybe I look back with flawed vision to 'the good old days?'  Whatever the reason, my idea of a vacation is to stay blissfully at home, eating a boxed pizza, the kids in bed, and a good movie distracting both parents from the mundanities of life and ministry for a few lovely hours.  Life was so much simpler when I could cram it all in a backpack and speed off into the sunset for a long weekend, sleeping on someone's couch, and return to my studies on Monday no worse for wear.  But life was also less full, more lonely, with no meaning save the vague and foggy hope that the future might yield purpose and direction.  I don't think I'd go back if I could, it might be easier back then, but life now is deeper, and though exhausting, more joyful.

Gluten free naan, the next great experiment with Figgins reborn?

 I used to make naan every now and again (whether it was authentic or not, I do not know, but it was good!) back in my wheat days, now that those days are alas gone, I thought to try it again on the gluten free frontier.  I found several recipes, but all the best call for yogurt, and being unable to eat dairy and reluctant to eat non-dairy-dairy substitutes, I wasn't quite sure what to do, then I remembered my old friend Figgins.  I have an on-again-off-again romance with a sourdough culture affectionately named Figgins, who has appeared in both a gluten and gluten free version, but basically it is one part flour to one part milk to one part sugar plus a teaspoon of yeast to get it going (an amish friendship bread starter) and let it sit a few days until the worst of the bubbling is over.

I've replaced buttermilk in recipes with sourdough starter, why not yogurt?  But what about the milk?  Replace it with non-dairy milk (was there ever such an oxymoron?) or water or even coffee creamer (1 part dry coffee creamer to 2 parts hot water).  In a previous incarnation I used 100% oat flour but this time around I used 1 part each tapioca, corn starch, and brown rice flour, which I don't really like for this purpose as it get really sticky on the bottom leaving the rest rather thin.  But I used what I had and went ahead with it (I'm a little impatient sometimes!) and tried making naan last night.  I was using 'gluten free on a shoestring's' recipe, substituting oil for butter and the sourdough for yogurt.  I need to adjust the water because it really got soupy and I had to add extra starch, but even then it was still sticky and hard to work.

It made some really good bread, not quite the texture of the wheat version, but good in its own right.  Maybe if I leave it more of a batter and treat it like a pancake it might be easier to work but I don't know what that would do to texture.  I'll have to play with it and see what I come up with, maybe I'll post a recipe if I can get this madness (or genius?) to work!

Turning the world on its head?

 Here's an article for all you confounded homemakers, did you know you're warriors first and foremost?  But then this is the faith that 'turned the world on its head,' or rather endeavors to set things back the way they should be, enjoy!  

Yay and meh!

 I once tried to make 'non-dairy cheese' and ended with bacon flavored gelatin, ugh!  This time I thought I actually had something edible but ended up with something merely meh, not bad but not good either, just meh.  The commercially available stuff seems to be rice or soy based, while most of the recipes require agar agar (that gelatin stuff they grow bacteria on?) or cashews, neither of which I was excited about, why can't I find a rice flour based recipe?  Then I did, you basically mix rice flour with vegan butter, herbs, and water and then steam it.  It looked promising, it felt great, sliced great, smelled great, and tasted fine, but it wasn't cheese.  It wasn't melty, gooey, browns to delightfulness under the broiler cheese.  I even tried deep frying it, as I love mozzarella sticks, but even that was meh.  The texture was about what you would think steamed rice flour would result in, then deep fry it, talk about adding insult to injury!  It just wasn't cheese!  I can added the flavor to things without the mess, hassle, nuisance, and meh of making fake cheese, I can just sprinkle nutritional yeast on stuff and have the same effect without the gritty texture.  I don't understand replacing real cheese with the fake stuff if the fake stuff can't melt and make me happy, why bother with the expense or mess if it only adds extra calories and neither culinary delight nor nutritional value?  Maybe there is a melty fake cheese out there, but it wasn't this one!

Nutritional yeast however, was definitely a yay!  You've probably even eaten it, though unwittingly, go check the bag or box of your favorite salty snack, savory cracker, or prepared sauce, and look for 'yeast extract' or other yeasty beasties.  It really adds a savory kick to just about anything.  I was really missing parmesan on my spaghetti and this is a great substitute, just shake it on and enjoy.  It does sort of look like fish food but apparently it is fairly good for you, unlike my fake cheese!  I've mixed it with chili powder, garlic, salt, and sugar for a 'nacho' type seasoning for chips and popcorn too.  Now if only it would melt!

Wild comet chase!

Have you heard about the comet neowise?  I guess it's been haunting the early morning hours for a while now, but decided to check out the night scene on the 12th of July, 2020, and I was determined to capture it on film.  Get out and look, it is a good show but it will be gone as of the 22nd!  I saw hale-bopp and Kawasaki back in 1997, or at least I thought I did, but this is way cooler though I thought I had read it wasn't as good?  Weird!  Definitely have a pair of binoculars or a telephoto lens for the best show.  I had read that it was 'right after sunset' but full dark would be a better description. I actually despaired of ever seeing it, I went out looking the last three nights, but between low clouds and obstructions on the NW horizon, I didn't see much.  Last night I took all my junk out (spotting scope, tripod, binoculars, folding chair, camera and two lenses, flashlight, bug proof clothing) and sat watching, waiting, hoping, but again, no comet and low clouds, ugh!  But Jupiter was bright on the opposite horizon so I got the spotting scope out and had fun with that, trying to take pictures through a spotting scope with a telephoto lens in the dark, yes it was as awkward as it sounds!  Saturn was just to the left as well, and that was amazing, with the 60x spotting scope I could actually see 4 of Jupiter's moons and Saturn's rings, and yes, I did get an awful picture of Jupiter and 3 of its moons (or 1 big bright blob and 3 specks) but it was fun and cool.  Then I looked in the opposite direction and there it was!

Yes, my pictures are pixelated (I'm photographing with a telephoto lens in the dark!) and there are overhead wires, but it is still way cool.  I remember those 1997 comets as just a slightly oblong star, this baby looks like what a comet should in one's imagination!  Just seeing it was amazing, it was also fun to try photographing it (please don't use your phone?!), I've captured lightning and fireworks and a planet, now a comet!  Definitely get out the binoculars, but find the Big Dipper after full dark and follow it straight down to the NW horizon, look for a blurry bit of light, and there you go!  We won't see this particular phenomenon again, and who knows when we'll get another to equal it, so be wild, skip an hour or two of sleep and go star gazing!

The Long-sought 'Basic Bread' Recipe, Gluten-free Version: Loaf Bread, Buns, Pizza Crust, Fry Bread!

In the good old days, when wheat was still a thing at my house, I used to have what I called the basic bread recipe, and used it for everything from French bread to buns to fry bread to bagels and pizza crust, it was the same dough but a different technique.  Enter the gluten free days, when I need a very specific recipe for everything, and then it has to be modified and tweaked until it uses what I can eat and have on hand, a tedious process indeed!  But I think I've finally found my new basic bread recipe, one I have used for loaf bread, buns, pizza crust, and even fry bread!  It is a batter, not a dough, so the technique is strange at first but it gives very edible results when I had all but despaired of 'real bread' again!

Basic Bread Recipe: Gluten Free:

1/2 cup each millet and oat flour (brown rice flour works too instead of millet)
1 cup each tapioca and corn starch (white rice flour isn't a great substitute, potato starch might work?)
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp instant yeast
3/4 tsp salt
2 tsp xanthin gum
1/4 cup sugar (I like brown for bread, white for pizza crust, add brown to liquid ingredients)

Combine in a bowl and whisk together, set aside.

Beat three egg whites into stiff peaks and set aside.

In the bowl of a stand mixer (regular beater) or a bread machine, add:

3/4 cup warm water
1 tbsp vinegar
1/4 cup oil (and brown sugar, if using)

Add the dry ingredients and the egg whites and beat until smooth, it will be a thick batter.  Scrape sides as needed.

For loaf bread:
Spray with cooking spray and flour a loaf pan, spread batter evenly into pan, cover with plastic wrap and place in a warm oven to rise for 1 hour, bake at 350F for 48 minutes (may vary for your oven).  Turn out of pan and cool, wrapped in a towel on a wire wrack.  Cool completely before slicing.  Freeze anything you won't use immediately.

For buns:
Spray a cookie sheet with cooking spray and divide batter into 12 globs, using wet fingers, shape each glob into a hamburger or hot dog bun shape, for hamburger buns, it should look like a peanut butter cookie.  Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let rise 20-40 minutes in a warm, moist place.  Bake for 15-20 minutes at 350, until cooked through.  Cool completely, slice and freeze or serve.

For pizza crust:
For thin crust, spread on two big cookie sheets (sprayed with cooking spray), spreading as thin as you can, sort of like frosting a cake.  Cover with a towel, let it rest 15 minutes, bake in a 425 oven for a few minutes until bubbly and solid, top and broil until cheese is golden otherwise cool completely and freeze, to use, just top it frozen and bake at 385 until hot and gooey.

For thick crust, just use smaller pans (it puffs up a lot!) and let it rise a little longer.  I use my cast iron skillets.  Bake before topping though!

For fry bread or elephant ears:
Spread dough out on two large cookie sheets (sprayed!) as for pizza crust, cut each into 9 squares, smoothing edges and making a little space between squares with a rubber scraper.  Allow to rise 20 minutes, covered.  Meanwhile, heat an inch or two of oil in a skillet until hot.  Using a wet pancake turner (mine was silicone) push in the sides of a square until it is about half the size, and awkwardly scoop it up using the turner and your wet hand, drop it into the oil, 'stretching' it out as you do so (the first one will be messy!).  Immediately poke several holes in the mess using a sharp pointy oil and heat resistant object (I used a meat thermometer, but try a kabob skewer or a chopstick or a meat fork?), to allow the hot oil to seep through and cook the entire the blob through without burning the edges (like the hole in a donut but tiny).  Turn frequently and removed when golden brown, drain on a wire rack and eat hot, either with sugar or with your favorite taco toppings.  I used an 8 inch skillet and did one at a time, they didn't take long to fry but are putzy!

Homemade everything?

I've been making my own bread for years, though as I mentioned in a previous post that this seems something of a pandemic fad as well, but even I am discovering necessity is truly the mother of invention.  It is strange what I can get and what I can't.  Mayonnaise is apparently on the list of things that are currently hard to find on local shelves, at least at a reasonable price.  So I tried my hand at making my own, I'm personally a fan of Miracle Whip and looked for a recipe for just that, it was pretty easy and used stuff I always have on hand, we'll see how it turns out.  I've also been trying to make fake cheese, which hasn't had near the success.  My first attempt was basically bacon flavored jello.  Yesterday's trial had a promising texture (fresh mozzarella) but it didn't really melt or taste like anything, though one attempt did yield a promising parmesan substitute; we'll see what happens!  I also discovered the margarine I've been using instead of butter has whey in it (which is why I can't do real cheese!) and locally I can't find any of the 'plant butters' so I've been trying reliable recipes with peanut butter and or canola oil instead, everything but the frosting has turned out, but that was because I added cocoa powder which made it really stiff, I had to hand shape a toupee for each cupcake but it tasted great!  With google to supply recipes, what can't you make at home?  And hopefully you can still eat the failures!  Well, everything except the fake cheese...

Birthday Custard Pie?!

Gluten free baking is quite an exciting animal in its own right, but then throw in a recipe transcription error and it really gets interesting!  I made this cake the other day, I halved the recipe and substituted my own flour blend (1/2 cup each tapioca and corn starch, 1/4 cup millet) and it made wonderful cupcakes!  Then my little son decided he wanted a yellow cake for his birthday, and I thought I had my recipe.  I ended up with a gluten free impossible custard pie!  It actually was quite tasty but it wasn't a birthday cake.  I had transcribed the recipe wrong, leaving the sugar at 2 cups but halving everything else, oops!  I tried again and it was delicious and now we have a memory to laugh at for every birthday here on out!

All we like cows?

I've had a few classes in epidemiology, I have spent a significant portion of my career diagnosing and managing contagious disease in a population setting, albeit my patients moo, but herd health is herd health, whether you are dealing with chickens or people.  While I appreciate everyone's concern and efforts to protect the health and lives of the most vulnerable in this epidemic, from the start I think we've had it all backwards.  Hiding out at home won't do squat to fix this problem, it only kicks the can down the road; it won't go away while we cover our eyes and pretend it can't see us if we don't look at it.  The theory of 'flattening the curve' might work if we had some 'herd' exposure, but we aren't flattening anything, we're avoiding exposure altogether and are just elongating the line leading up to the exponential peak.  The minute we leave home, the virus will start spreading again, as viruses do, this plan does nothing but put off the inevitable, unless we plan on staying home forever, which might work with chickens, but people aren't content to live like that.

Anecdotally I heard in school that Iceland has a native breed of cattle that will die if exposed to foreign cows because the creatures are so isolated that they have never been exposed to the common gamut of bugs every other cow in the world takes for granted, their immune systems will be overwhelmed by the usual microbial flora endemic to your average bovine.  That seems to be the current theory at work in many parts of the world: stay safely in Iceland with no exposure to foreign cattle.  But this can't last forever, that theory only works because there are Icelandic farmers willing to make hay and support the beasties in their isolation, how do we maintain a society in complete isolation?

My first year of school, the teaching hospital was full of West Nile patients, every stall was filled, neurologic horses everywhere.  Since then I have seen one case.  One case in fifteen years.  We could have kept our horses in mosquito proof stalls their entire lives, though it would not have been much of a life for the horse and kind of makes owning horses pointless, but they would be safe!  They developed a vaccine and natural exposure instilled immunity in the population; the very next year it was as if it had never happened, when the previous year it was the very end of the horse world, at least if you listened to the talking heads, and it was easy enough to believe, seeing all those flailing horses and full stalls, but the next summer those same stalls were empty and nobody seemed to remember a year ago it had been the end of the world.

I am not saying that we should just go back willynilly to life as usual with no precautions whatsoever, far from it, but thinking this will just magically go away if we hide at home long enough is ridiculous, that isn't how viruses work.  Protect those most at risk, use common sense and practical measures to slow spread (but not stop it entirely), but putting the entire country on house arrest only delays the inevitable.  Should we hide at home until a good vaccine is developed?  No.  It can take years to get a good, safe vaccine to market, and even if we wait that long in anticipation, who says we can develop a good or effective vaccine?  Corona virus vaccines in other species are lousy, the flu vaccine isn't great, there's a good chance we won't ever have a decent vaccine for this particular bug either.  There's my two cents, I'm just a cow doctor, so what do I know!

Gluten free sandwich and toasting bread!

BLTs, Grilled Cheese sandwiches, toast, fresh bread...do you remember those days?  Well, they don't have to be over, after a lot of searching and trial and error, finally here is a bread you can quite literally sink your teeth into.  It isn't starchy or stiff or gritty or cake-like or otherwise characteristic of the worst of gluten free, it doesn't even taste like cardboard!  Here's the original recipe  where I found the genius idea of using whipped egg whites to help make it an airy, fluffy dream when you can't have wheat!  You can slice it thin, you can freeze it, you can toast it, you can eat it plain (warm!) or make a sandwich, everything you expect from normal bread!  It is a batter bread, I've tried the whipped egg whites in a gluten free dough and it doesn't do much (too heavy?).  I use my bread machine but a heavy duty stand mixer is good too, by hand or a light mixer might not do the trick but you can try.  I used the flours I like/can eat, feel free to try your own mix if you wish.  The original recipe calls for a lot of tapioca starch and the first time I tried it, it was almost rubbery (still delicious) and shrank quite a bit as it cooled.  Substituting some corn starch and oat flour adds a bit more texture and structure to the loaf, and reduces shrinkage, enjoy!

In a bowl, mix with a wire whisk to combine:

1 cup tapioca starch
1 cup corn starch
1/2 cup millet flour
1/2 cup oat flour
2 tsp xanatham gum
3/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp instant yeast

In another bowl whip 3 egg whites until they form stiff peaks.

In the bowl of a heavy stand mixer or the pan of a bread machine place:

3/4 cup warm water
1 tbsp vinegar
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup oil

Add the dry ingredients and the beaten egg whites and mix until smooth (3-5 minutes kneading in the bread machine, scraping down the sides occasionally).  It will be a very thick, sticky batter.  Scrape into a greased and floured (I used corn starch) bread pan and cover loosely with plastic wrap.  Let rise 45-60 minutes in a warm place (I turn the oven on for a few minutes and then turn it off).  I bake mine for 48 minutes in a 350 degree oven.  Remove from pan and let cool completely (I wrap it in a towel and place it on a wire rack) before slicing and enjoying.  If there is any left, slice and place in the freezer for later use.

Return of the Ancient and Worshipful Art of Homemaking?

For many people, the current shut down of entire economies and nations has them stuck at home, without work or school or unnecessary shopping trips or restaurant visits to interrupt things.  While many are fleeing into the virtual world for solace and comfort, I wonder how many will rediscover the art of homemaking.  Not much has changed at our house, both parents are in 'essential' lines of work.  My son is home from school but otherwise it is pretty much business as usual, more like summer break than anything else.  Who knew I lived in self-quarantine on a regular basis?  We cook our own meals, we watch our own kids, I even cut our hair!  For our household, this crisis hasn't been much of a change out of our regular routine, but then we live at the backend of forever, the nearest big box store is 90 miles away and with our food sensitivity issues we rarely eat out at our town's two restaurants!  But what of families with full-time working parents whose kids are in daycare or school most of their waking hours?

If they don't each venture into their own virtual reality or are institutionalized through boredom or cohabitant induced madness, what is to come of them?  Will we rediscover game night?  Will we rediscover baking cookies or bread?  Will we discover a hundred projects around the house we can accomplish with a screwdriver and YouTube?  With food supplies in a weird state of flux and out-to-eat not an option, will we discover how to cook with what we have on hand?  With so many unemployed or underemployed, will we rediscover frugality, budgeting, and living within our means?  With no social outlet but distant contact with our acquaintance, will we rediscover neighborliness and the wonder of a good conversation?  Will this weeks long 'snow day' force us all to reconsider the important things in life, namely the non-things?

At out local grocery store, there was no bread or milk initially (last week there were no eggs but plenty of milk) but so too was the yeast and flour wiped out.  I could understand the pasta and sauce, the boxed dinners, but yeast?  Could people be actually making their own bread because they couldn't just buy it?  How cool is that!  Don't get me wrong, this whole mess is no fun from one end to the other, and the suffering, economic strife, and chaos it has caused hurts, a lot, but on the bright side, it may just be the wake-up call our weary modern life needs.  Just stop, put life on pause, remember that life doesn't have to be hectic, busy, or exhausting.  Your house can be a home, a haven, a place of comfort and fun and fellowship, not just a place you collapse after another hectic day, tossing aside your backpacks and briefcase to fall into bed and race out the door next morning, day after exhausting day.  So what are you doing during this enforced 'sabbath?'  Are you rediscovering the joys of a simple life?  I hope so!

New Heights of Human Stupidity?

'...a commodity which, after hydrogen and stupidity, was the most common in the universe..."

~Michael Stackpole, I, Jedi~ 

I've been waiting decades to use that quote, thank you coronavirus!  I think we have reached an epochal moment in the history of human stupidity.  I was baffled by toilet paper shortages for a respiratory virus, but a story I heard yesterday makes that confusion almost sensible by comparison.  I live in cow country.  I have spent my entire adult life working with the critters professionally.  You can buy cattle vaccine at the local gas station/ranch supply along with your soda and cigarettes.  Yesterday I heard about someone shopping for cattle vaccine, not a strange occurrence this time of year.  We are in the middle of calving, cows and calves will need spring shots soon and there are certain vaccines recommended for baby calves.  But this fellow was eyeing a vaccine made for pregnant cows, given 6-8 weeks prior to calving, intended to build up the antibodies in the colostrum (first milk) to help protect the newborn calf from diarrhea (scours).  Nobody around here calves in June, that vaccine should have been given 2-3 months ago.  Worse, when the clerk asked how many head he had, the guy just smiled awkwardly and looked blankly at the salesperson, apparently he didn't know how many cows he had or maybe the clerk was speaking a foreign language as the guy didn't have even one cow.  But he wanted the big bottle (250 doses) rather than a smaller one, just in case he had more than 200 cows and wasn't aware of it?

He bought a bottle of bovine coronavirus vaccine and I really hope he doesn't try to use it on himself or administer it to others.  The least of his problems is that it won't do any good.  The bovine coronavirus has very little in common with the current human variety, it won't do squat to protect him from covid-19!  The real problem is that the vaccine reaction will be worse than an actual case of human coronavirus.  That is a nasty vaccine, at least from a human perspective, the cattle tolerate it fine but accidental (or intentional) human injections have severe side effects.  When I googled this topic, besides for a conspiracy theory currently circulating on social media, the other item that came up was a case report of a guy who lost his finger because he accidentally shot a dose of this vaccine into his hand.  I've done it personally (accidental), only a poke with a needle but no injection, but my whole hand swelled up and the pain was severe.  I know a guy whose whole leg swelled up because of an accidental injection.  It's not just coronavirus in that vaccine, and a couple of the other bugs are rather nasty, not to mention the oil base is inflammatory in its own right.  Please don't be stupid!

While this pandemic is bringing out the best in some, it also seems to be bringing out the worst in others!  I used to laugh at the sticker on cattle chutes that say 'not for use on people.'  But now I just wonder how we have survived this long as a species! 

Honey mustard corn salad!

I can't eat gluten or potatoes, there go half the sides of summer!  I don't like coleslaw and can't eat much lettuce, so there go the rest.  I went to Thanksgiving at someone's house this year and ate the jello salad (and no, it didn't even have carrots in it!) and that was it.  I love potato and pasta salad, I can usually eat the main course (except turkey!) but it is a little awkward and sad not having anything to go with it.  I especially love my honey mustard dressing recipe and only wish there was something I could put it on; I used to make pasta salad with it but those days are long gone (rice noodles do unspeakable things to pasta salad!).  What about corn, I eat corn, is there such a thing as a corn salad?  Who knew!  Apparently there is, though most of the recipes call for grilling your corn cobs before indulging yourself in this uncommon salad, it is currently the middle of the winter and I have a potluck tomorrow: bag of frozen kernel corn, let's see what happens!

Combine in large bowl or ice cream bucket:

1 16oz bag frozen corn, thawed
2 cups cheddar cheese shredded
10 hardboiled eggs diced
1 yellow onion (small) diced
8 oz carrots diced
(feel free to add your own veggies, meat, cheese, nuts, whatever!)

In a small bowl combine:

1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup vinegar
1/4 cup mustard
1/2 cup whipped salad dressing
season to taste with salt, pepper, celery seed, garlic, parsley (or whatever you like)

Thoroughly mix dressing with salad and chill for 2-3 hours (or overnight) before serving.  You could also use the dressing for a potato or pasta salad or put it in a bottle for sandwiches, etc!  Enjoy!

Dressing up, down, or sideways?

Why do you dress up?  It was a question for which I didn't have an answer.  Around the house I usually sport a comfy pair of pants but even going to the grocery store I like to wear a skirt or a fun hat, back in my work days I was always in scrubs (socially approved PJs!) or stained and ragged jeans (I was stylish without knowing it), but now I like to feel pretty and feminine and elegant and colorful, what gives?  One day my husband asked if he should preach in jeans, and while I didn't know why, I didn't like the idea.  Then I read this article and happily the author unraveled the mystery of both.  Why dress up a little?  Find out here.

Even more secrets of the universe (or at least gluten free bread) revealed!

Okay, since my last highly prophetic and revelatory post, I can across this recipe.  I thought batter type breads were behind me, it was where I started, it was okay, but it wasn't bread.  It was better than styrofoam but it wasn't spongy, airy, light, delicate, tasty bread; it was more like cake or a quick bread, just more stiff.  It was too heavy for sandwiches and turned to burnt stone when you toasted it.  But I was happily wrong.  I even gave up yeast loaf bread (I made lots of French loaves) because I would burn the outside and the middle wouldn't cook through.  So we haven't had toast at our house in a LONG time.  Then I tried this recipe, the ingredients were accessible and the pictures beautiful, and the result was as good as the pictures looked!  Whipped egg whites are the secret.  It toasts beautifully, it makes grilled cheese, you can eat two slices with stuff in between without choking, it is even good plain!  And when you bite into it, it has the sound, the texture, everything screams real bread.  And the taste!  Light, delicate, just a hint of sweetness.  It minds me of the long lost honey oat bread I used to adore (though it calls for brown sugar).

You need a kitchen aid mixer or a bread machine for this baby, your hand mixer will burn out.  The first loaf I did exactly as written, save I used corn starch instead of the potato and millet instead of the rice flour.  It turned out beautiful but shrank a bit as it cooled (I did undercook it just a tad and cut it before it was totally cool, I just couldn't wait!) but still was excellent.  The next batch I used 1 1/2 cups tapioca, 1 cup corn starch, and 1/2 cup millet.  I put everything except the egg whites in the bread machine on the dough cycle while I whipped the eggs, then I scraped them into the mess as well, scraping down the sides as the machine kneaded in the whites, and once it was smooth and well mixed, I stopped the machine and put it in the prepared pan.  The second batch didn't rise as high but neither did it shrink as much.  The texture was a little 'sturdier' without being heavy and less 'gelatinous' without losing the elasticity, but I did bake it longer by two minutes as well.  I also slashed the top with a wet knife after the rise, as my first loaf decided to crack at about 2 o'clock and had a weird lopsided look to it.  I think I'll stick with the second recipe as my new standard, but it is wonderful to have real bread again!  I can't wait to try this with my dough recipes, though I wonder if the dough will be too heavy for the egg whites to do much for the texture?  Stay tuned to find out!  

The secret to life, the universe, and everything...or at least gluten free baking made simple-ish!

I spent almost a year not eating wheat but not replacing it with anything either, except a flirtation with non-wheat pasta, but when my son had to go off wheat too, I decided to try gluten free baking, ugh!  I could be the solemn, uncomplaining martyr of the family (translation: I really didn't want to bother with the expense and mess for one person, especially for lackluster results), but a kid needs cookies and pizza and donuts or he'll die (a proven, scientific fact).  So I started digging, not excited at the prospect though I had been a happy baker in former days, but those days were gone and only styrofoam awaited.  Yes, you probably shudder right along with me, thinking starchy, heavy, stiff, crumbly, dry or overly moist, tasteless, gritty...that's what I knew as gluten free.  Boy was I wrong!  But boy did it seem complicated: what with weighing everything to the nearest hundredth of a gram, 987 types of flour, gums and protein isolates...it looked more like an organic chemistry lab session (double ugh!) than a day in the kitchen!

Every recipe calls for a different commercial flour blend or 8 different specific flours, many of which are hard to find, expensive, and/or I can't eat/don't like.  I'm also a 'dump and bake' sort of baker.  There's a reason I don't quilt and didn't go to pharmacy school.  I'm a surgeon: approximation with living tissue is magic.  I bake like your grandma: a dash of this and a pinch of that, I eyeball my bread in the bread machine and add water/flour as needed.  Could I do that with gluten free?  According to the internet, no!  But I really didn't have a choice: I wasn't going to buy a kitchen scale and measure everything and there was no commercial flour blend I could eat or afford, so I decided to start with something easy like yeast bread and see what happened (that's a joke!).

I found sources for a variety of starches and flours I could eat, liked, and could (relatively) afford.  I also started reading about the 'science' and 'art' behind gluten free baking.  Basically you just need to replace the starch/protein combination that is the magic of gluten.  Then I started playing with it.  I'm an old friend of yeast bread, and didn't know how much I missed it, the eating and making both, until I took my first bite of actual bread that I had made and felt a jolt of mingled excitement and joy I knew only when my husband proposed or we got the call that we had been chosen for a potential adoption placement (okay, maybe there's a little hyperbole there, but it's as close as I can come!).  It was love at first bite (please forgive the old pun).  And yes, Virginia, you can make gluten free bread (or anything else) that doesn't taste like the box it comes in, you don't have to measure to the nearest microgram, and you can do it fairly affordably.

First off, use recipes designed for gluten free baking, don't try converting your old favorites just yet.  This is the time to start finding new favorites, especially easy things like cinnamon rolls (or maybe muffins!).  Second, if you don't like/can't eat things like eggs, xanthin gum, peanut butter, real sugar, vegetable oil, dairy...it becomes more difficult/expensive but not impossible.  I can't eat liquid dairy and have had good results with substituting in that area, but if you are too picky or limited, there just won't be anything left to work with, even stone soup needed a little help!  Third, make a list of the flours/starches you like, can find, can afford.  Ready?  Let's bake something!

Find a recipe that you are excited about with a fairly basic list of ingredients and a methodology that is comfortable for you (don't start with cinnamon rolls if you've never made wheat cinnamon rolls, try pancakes or cookies!).  There will be a few differences in methodology to traditional baking, at this point follow the recipe as closely as possible, you can tweak once you get used to the new normal.  If the recipe calls for a commercial flour blend and you can find/eat/afford that blend, great, go for it, why are you still here?  But if you can't or it calls for a combo of flours you can't find/don't like/can't eat, this is where the simplicity comes in, so don't panic.  How much flour/starch does it call for total?  Now for a little math (at least we ditched the chemistry, so don't groan!).

Let's say it calls for 3 cups of flour/starch.  Get out your preferred flours/starches and let's get busy.  Just a note here, just because it says flour or starch doesn't make it one or the other.  A starch is something like corn starch or tapioca starch/flour: a fine whitish powder with no protein, fiber, taste, or nutritive value save carbohydrates; it is usually just the starchy portion ground up.  A flour is something more gritty, usually contains some protein and fiber, and may have a flavor; it is usually the whole nut/seed/grain ground up.

For starches you can try: potato starch, tapioca flour/starch, corn starch, white rice flour, for starters.

For flours you can try: millet, potato flour, oat flour (oatmeal run through the blender or food processor), brown rice flour.  Quinoa can have a bitter taste, almond flour is expensive, the bean flours might add a strange flavor, but feel free to play around!  There are a hundred others to try too, but the ones I have listed are fairly mild flavored, inexpensive, and widely available.

Personally I can't eat potato and don't like the taste of beans, I can't afford the almond flour, and too much rice flour/starch leaves a gritty texture so I only use it sparingly.  I use tapioca, corn starch, oat flour, and millet for the most part and have had excellent results: I can find them easily, I like the taste, I can eat them, and I can afford them.  Find what works for you too!

Now back to our recipe: 3 cups of flour/starch.  I've found good results (for everything from yeast breads to pancakes to cake and cookies) with 1/3 flour combination and 2/3 starch combo.  At my house it would be 1 cup tapioca and 1 cup corn starch (for a total of 2 cups starch), 1/2 cup millet and 1/2 cup oat flour (for a total of 1 cup flour).  This seems to be a good ratio for many recipes to replace a custom or commercial flour blend.  Let's say the recipe calls for 1 3/4 cups of flours/starches.  I'd do 1/2 cup starch A, 1/2 cup starch B, 1/4 cup each of flours A and B and then the last 1/4 of starch A or B.  When in doubt, add more starch and less flour!

You also need xanthin gum for most recipes or it will just fall apart, there are other options out there but the results might not be as good if can't use it/don't like it.  If the recipe calls for a flour blend that already has it in it, add about 1 tsp per 3 cups of flour for a quick bread/cake recipe and 2 tsp per 3 cups flour for a yeast bread recipe.  If not, just follow the recipe.

If you are making a yeast bread you need protein, some recipes call for whey protein isolate but I can't eat that so I substitute 2 egg whites per 3 cups of flour/starch.  You could try pea protein etc, but watch out for the flavor!  If adding extra liquid, you'll have to adjust the amount of water/milk added accordingly.

Mix all your dry ingredients in a bowl with a wire whisk (including instant or bread machine yeast).  Then add your liquid ingredients.  For quick breads/cakes/batter type recipes a little extra liquid isn't a huge deal, but for actual dough recipes that you will be working with and shaping, be cautious, a little extra liquid can mean a huge sticky mess, even if you are following the recipe exactly.  Add your eggs, oil, butter, sourdough starter, etc. and then begin mixing in your mixer/bread machine, scraping the sides, and after a minute or two, if it is still dry and crumbly, begin adding your water/milk a little bit at a time, no matter how much liquid the original recipe calls for, it can vary significantly!  For yeast bread doughs you want it a little on the dry side at first, it should form a ball/blob and not stick to stuff, and as it mixes, it will relax and get stickier and more stretchy, but it should still form a slightly sticky blob.  Add a little starch or liquid as needed until it gets to the right consistency.  For quick bread or batter type recipes, usually just stirring by hand until well combined will suffice but most yeast breads need a good beating in the mixer/bread machine to acquire the right consistency.  You could try it by hand but it will be a sticky mess and requires a lot of arm-power.  Also use a heavy mixer or the bread machine, a little hand held mixer will burn out quickly.

Also for yeast breads, overnight in the refrigerator does wonders (up to 5 days for egg containing recipes) for flavor, texture, rising, handling, and consistency; an ice cream bucket works great.  I like to add a sourdough starter as well (again, deduct from total liquid!).  Make sure you proof the dough first (let it rise to double) before refrigerating (I preheat the oven for 5 minutes and then turn it off).  Working the dough cold is also recommended, it should be a little sticky/wet when placed in the fridge and will 'dry' out overnight, add a little water or starch if necessary to work it, a little sticky is better than crumbly!  Take a handful at a time and work it until smooth then roll and shape as desired.  Smaller/thinner loaves/buns bake better than large/thick/squat shapes.  Slashing the top helps with rising.  Cover with plastic wrap to maintain moisture and brush with butter before baking to keep it soft.  Structure helps with the rise: think rolling a French loaf or pushing the outer edge of a bun into the middle and up inside.  You won't get as much of a rise or stretch gluten free, but you can still get nice results.  The freezer is also your friend, freeze anything you won't eat immediately while it's warm and warm in the microwave for a few seconds before eating (gluten free or any bread should be eaten warm!).

Mostly just find what works for you and experiment and have fun!  You can bake again, even after wheat is no longer a part of your life.  My family now eats like it used to and even my picky, gluten loving husband likes the gluten free stuff and I can bake again, yay!