Warnings, precautions, and gibberish

In this highly sensitive age our nonexistent legal department has advised us to issue a statement regarding various controversial issues that might be offensive to our diverse readership:

• First and foremost, this blog is meant to be fun, and as my sense of humor tends to be a tad silly and downright peculiar, I beg your patience in anything that strikes you as absurd, irreverent, or incomprehensible.  I am at least 1/4 geek and too much education tends to warp the brain in unpredictable and irreversible ways, so please just ignore whatever you do not understand and pity the poor, deranged author.
• I am not trained in nutrition, human medical conditions, or professional food preparation techniques, please refer to professionals in these fields if you have any questions, concerns, or variance in opinion with the author, who merely writes what she has seen and experienced.  I will be as scientifically and gastronomically correct as possible, but I am a mere layman in almost all areas of life.
• Feel free to eat how and what you will, as will I (eat and let eat?), but this blog may at times be unintentionally insensitive to the voluntarily gluten free/organic/cage free/non-gmo/no high fructose corn syrup/vegan/raw milk/whatever crowd; I do not mean to be offensive, but there are so many moral qualms about what one eats nowadays that I am sure to inadvertently step on someone's toes.  Those with health issues are strongly advised to follow their health care professional's advice in this area and completely ignore the nonsense found herein.
• Tofu lovers are hereby cautioned, I will occasionally make light of this subject, proceed at your own risk.
• I am a self-admitted horrible mother: I use disposable diapers, bought formula (generic too!), and sometimes feed my child things containing high fructose corn syrup and perhaps even gmos and red 83.6.  Any advice found herein is not FDA, USDA, or EPA approved and therefore likely dangerous to individuals under the age of 137 and should only be used under the supervision of a medical professional, preferably not a veterinarian unless required by local or state law.
• I am a self-declared member of a closed-minded, horribly intolerant, violent, repressive, politically incorrect, and ignorant sect (at least if you ask the media or leading academics) though most professing Christians of my acquaintance are actually rather ordinary people.  If I ever meet such an interesting person as previously described I shall let you know.  I will not intentionally insult or offend anyone but there may be an occasional reference to things I find interesting or important that others consider quite antiquated if not downright incomprehensible, please forgive the author these foibles as you do her aversion to tofu.
• Have a nice day!