Attack of the killer Figgins

Figgins got a little too excited the other day, I tend to keep him in the fridge to keep the fermentation at a manageable level but ended up with sourdough starter all over my condiment shelf.  I think I need a bigger container or less of Figgins!

All the wrong foods?

I am trying to raise a toddler that will actually eat something besides macaroni and cheese and hot dogs and am not having much luck, he'd rather go hungry and miss dessert than eat something I know he likes, just because I want him to eat it…I can't wait for the teenage years.  Well, last night, for reasons I cannot begin to explain, I decided to make a souffle, which is a ton of work for a tasty but ephemeral reward.  And of course the goofball loved it!  He is an egg and cheese fan, so I shouldn't be surprised but maybe I am serving him all the wrong foods.  Why should he deign to eat spaghetti and chicken when he could eat caviar and foie gras?  Maybe he is a gourmet trapped in a household of plebeian foodies.  Or maybe he is just two...

Chicken Enchiladas

This is one of those recipes that just happened, I was trying to use up some leftover chicken from Thanksgiving (yes, I am a cultural renegade and actually made chicken on 'Turkey Day') and the results were actually worth doing again someday.

Saute 1/4 cup each chopped onion and sweet peppers in a medium saucepan.

Add 2 cups cooked chicken (or cook a couple chicken breasts along with the veggies) and 8oz of corn (or your favorite vegetable, salsa would work too), season to taste (celery salt, black pepper, garlic, a little chili powder) and add ~1/2 cup water and 1 chicken bouillon cube.  Heat through.

Spread the chicken mixture in 8 flour tortilla shells (6-8 inches), roll up and place in a greased cake pan fold side down.  Add one can cream of chicken soup to the sauce pan and enough milk to make a gravy consistency, any leftover chicken/veggies will just add flavor to the sauce.  Heat through and pour over prepared tortillas.  Top generously with cheese and crushed nacho chips.  Bake until golden and bubbly.

By any other name...

My toddler does not speak english, he has a recognizable word here or there but otherwise it is some combination of Swedish (he sounds like the 'Swedish Chef' off the Muppets, so that must be it) and dolphin with an engine noise or three thrown in for good measure.  The other day he was pointing into the kitchen and started saying, 'arf arf' in that birdlike voice of his and I couldn't figure out what on earth he meant, that is his word for dog and there was nothing of a doglike nature in the kitchen.  Then I figured out what specifically he was pointing at: a tupperware container full of puppy chow (chex cereal coated in chocolate/peanut butter and powdered sugar).  He apparently knew what it was called but instead of saying the proper word, he gave it his own spin.  Whatever it is called, he has good taste!

Romancing the Cinnamon Roll

I love cinnamon rolls but have yet to perfect the art at home, they always seem to turn out tough or dry or flavorless, it is obviously the recipe and not the cook…well okay maybe there is an art to it I have yet to master.  That being said, these rolls actually turned out rather nice (foolproof?) and it is another use for the versatile Master Figgins.  This makes twelve big, gooey rolls.

Sweet Sourdough Cinnamon Rolls:

1 cup sweet sourdough starter
3/4 cup milk
2 tbsp butter, melted
1 egg
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup sugar
3 1/4 cups flour
1/4 tsp baking soda
1 tsp bread machine yeast

Put everything in your bread machine/mixer/bowl and prepare as you would any sweet, slightly sticky roll dough using your method of choice, adjust flour and liquids as needed to obtain appropriate consistency.  After last rising, roll into a large rectangle.  Spread with softened butter (~2 tbsp), sprinkle with 1/4 cup sugar (I used half white and half brown), and 1-2 tsp cinnamon (or more to taste).  Roll up, seal ends, cut into 12 rolls and place in a greased 9x13 pan, allow to rise until double and bake just until golden and bubbly.  Cool slightly and frost while still warm, allowing frosting to melt over rolls.

Frosting:

Mix 1/4 cup softened butter with 1/2 tsp vanilla and 1/8 tsp salt.  Add a little powdered sugar and mix until stiff, add a splash of milk and mix until smooth.  Add more sugar (~3 cups total) and tiny amounts of milk (~2 tbsp total) as necessary, mixing until smooth, until you have a smooth frosting, almost of cake frosting consistency.

Christmas in a box

Next to getting married, buying a house, and having kids, buying a family christmas tree is next on the list for major life changes…perhaps I exaggerate (just a tad), but we have taken the plunge.  We've had a cute little four foot tree I picked up a few years ago on sale after christmas and it sufficed for our tiny apartment and with our childless family/indifferent baby we didn't need or want more.  Now I have a house and a coming three year old, it is time to start some family traditions of our own.  Real or fake is a very divisive issue, especially up at the north pole which we recently vacated; up there you could cut your own right in the backyard and likely find an elf or two to help you carry it home.  Here, trees of any sort are mythical and the poor creatures sold at the local tree lot are so pathetic even Charlie Brown would think twice about taking one home, especially when he'd have to sell a kidney to afford one.

I have always been a fan of fake (much easier!, no mess, use it year after year, no prickly dead tree to dispose of, etc.).  I suppose I miss that 'real pine smell,' but then I've never owned a new car either so I don't envy the mythical 'new car' scent people talk about.  I'd rather bake some bread or make cookies to get the house 'homey' in the olfactory sense.  I could always snort some pinesol if I get desperate or use one of those pine tree car fresheners as an ornament I suppose?  To me, the mess and fuss isn't worth a fresh piney scent.  So I got on the phone with santa and our tree came pronto…well it was delivered but it was ordered online and came UPS.  It is a dangerous thing ordering one of these beasts unseen, except for the postage stamp image on the website, but it should be okay, if it isn't we can always cover it with unsightly junk and hide the hideous foliage…wait, isn't that what this is all about in the first place?  Now the questions is, have I enough ornaments?  Probably not, our little four footer couldn't hold them all but this monster is another story.  I might have to buy some of those too!  So this is how christmas became commercialized, it is like that 'If You Give a Mouse a Cookie' book beloved of small ones; if you do X then you must do Y, if Y then Z…and on and on.  Gracious, I have just lost my soul and all for want of a christmas tree…maybe we should avoid dyeing easter eggs too, just in case…maybe I should get the grinch to come and remind me of the true meaning of the holiday, but have you any idea of the price of Roast Beast right now?  Oh dear, oh dear…the holiday stress has begun!

Snow on snow…with cookies and carols and more snow…!

This time of year is perilous, I start singing Christmas carols, but can usually restrain myself somewhat until Thanksgiving, then it all falls apart.  This year I am not so fortunate.  A storm swept in, buried us in snow, and now our highs are in the single digits.  I am used to living in a freezer six months of the year but this is a bit depressing, it is November!  It started Sunday night, the storm and the carols…that verse in 'In the Bleak Midwinter' with 'snow on snow, snow on snow…'  I can't help myself…but then I need something to do while I shovel!  Viva La Christmas!  But then snowstorms also put me in a baking mood which can be dangerous to one's waistline if one did not have shoveling to counteract it…bring on the cookies too!

Misguided Idealists

It was pitch dark outside, a car pulled into the driveway, and then the doorbell rang.  Without stood four looming creatures, draped in black with leering faces and bloody lips.  It wasn't Halloween.  For a moment I thought they were filming one of those bad horror movies or perhaps we had fallen into one. Then they asked for canned goods for the local food shelf.

I applaud those willing to be a little silly for charity.  I support our local food shelf.  I do not appreciate strange beings looming unanticipated out of the darkness and horrifying my toddler in the name of good will.  In fact, it makes me rather disinclined to be charitable.  But yes, I did support our local food bank, I cannot fault them for the lack of forethought on the part of their ambassadors (and it would speed these fell beings on their way).

The sad part is, these 'kids' were simply out on a lark, doing something to help others, and probably had no idea that their attire or unanticipated night for donning it was in any way disagreeable.  I appreciate their community spirit but not their means of going about it.  I am a little archaic in that I don't watch horror movies or even go near the 'halloween' section at the local variety store, it is all a little too creepy for me, but to these 'kids,' it is all perfectly acceptable and even 'cool,' can I still use that word?  No wonder people accuse me of being amish!

If you must go forth in all your horrid glory, do it on the approved night when such appearances are anticipated and damage to unwitting underlings can be mitigated.  Otherwise try wearing something less evil looking if you must invade storytime, it may even make us grumpy mama bears more generous.  Besides, it is hardly logical, which is perhaps even more disturbing.  I have never heard of demonic creatures going door to door in the name of charity, nor do the undead collect blood, brains, or assorted gore to assist the less fortunate among them.

That sounds like an interesting doctoral study for a sociology grad student: effect of costume choice on the generosity of local residents during collection of donated canned goods.  At least they were not clad as clowns!

Parmesan Garlic Mac and Cheese

As a general rule, I am not a huge fan of homemade mac and cheese (yes, the blue box has corrupted me, as it has my entire generation); I find it too thick, gooey, and it sits in the stomach for nearly a week.  With a few alterations, I actually made something that was both tasty and digestible.

1 16oz box noodles, cooked (shells, elbows, rotini, etc.)

8 oz of your favorite frozen veggie (I used corn, very creative), throw it in with the noodles halfway  
through cooking to save time/dishes

1 can cream of mushroom (or whatever) soup, mixed with 3/4 can milk

2 cups shredded cheese (I mixed cojack, mozzarella, velveeta shreds, Parmesan, and a mexican 4 cheese blend in a big bag and used that)

Heat the soup and cheese until melted and stir in the noodles and veggies, place in a 9x13 pan.

Mix 1 cup bread crumbs, 1/2 cup parmesan cheese, 1-2 tsp garlic powder, and salt and pepper to taste then mix in 3-4 tbsp melted butter until crumbly and spread evenly over noodle mixture.  Bake until bubbly and the crumbs are browned.

A carbohydrate love story

Of late we have been studying the Saga of Figgins and though the literary results are questionable, I am quite happy to report that the gastronomical side has been a resounding success.  But I see the epic is still incomplete, we have covered muffins and pancakes but have spoken nary a word about actual bread!  Dear me, how absolutely dreadful!  My most obsequious apologies are due you, I am sure!

I have found Figgins to be a superb addition to my bread baking repertoire, and no I will not give you a tutorial, there are far better books, videos, and sites for that than this.  The bread is softer, richer, and has a hint of sweetness (yes this is sourdough, strangely enough), which make it nice for light or sweet recipes, not so good for heavy or more sour ones.  I use a basic french recipe (water, salt, yeast, sugar, flour) and add 2/3 cup starter and 1/4 tsp baking soda for each 4 cups of flour and have had good results (you may need to adjust the liquid or flour a tad to account for the starter and get the right dough consistency).  I also added it to a honey oatmeal bread and it was a nice touch.  If you have a sweet tooth and like white/sweet bread, this is definitely a keeper.  If you are of a more 'serious' taste, you may want to stick with a traditional sourdough culture rather than Figgins.

A Dark Day in the Annals of Dessert

Yes, it was an unavoidable tragedy but there was nothing else to be done.  One cannot hope to ingest onion ice cream, even with cookies in it, nay even with chocolate syrup!  So it was that nearly two quarts of cookie ice cream were unceremoniously disposed of in the nearest refuse container.

What happened you may well ask?  Here then is all the sad tale:

We were the happy recipients of twenty pounds of onions, and not wishing to let them go to waste, I immediately chopped them up and froze them, little knowing the grief that was to come.  Though my freezer smells like onions, it did not seem to affect the other food therein, until we tried the ice cream the other night.  In a plastic pail it would have been safe, but alas the cardboard cube was little protection from the all permeating essence of onion.  It tasted just fine, but we were burping onion with every other spoonful; it was dreadful, at least we were not serving it to company!  A note to commercial ice cream makers: onion is not a recommended flavor!  I would avoid sauerkraut as well...

Old lies and new insights

Before I had a kid in my life (or a husband for that matter) I always thought they were annoying, ill-behaved, loud, expensive, messy creatures whose sole purpose was to destroy your life.  I did have rather bad baby sitting experiences growing up, so maybe this prejudiced me from the start.  What I also lacked was a real, loving family dynamic from which to judge objectively what a family is really like; we were more like roommates than a family.  Having kids was a duty, it was expected, a responsibility, not something one enjoyed.  From my selfish and myopic point of view, kids were the antithesis of the autonomous lifestyle.  They are.  They also reveal how small and lonely is that lifestyle if sought as the highest good in and of itself (there are those who would love nothing more than to have a family and for whatever reason, at the moment that life seems beyond reach, this is not directed at you!).  Rather it is directed at our culture in general which says 'you' are the highest good, the most important being on the planet.  And our 'feel good' theology tells us the same: you deserve to be happy and happiness is having whatever we want when we want it.  A lie as old as the world: ye can be gods!

But we aren't happy and we don't even know it.  That is why I appreciate those demanding, importuning individuals in my life: my husband and son, who remind me daily that I am not the center of the universe and my responsibilities to them far outweigh my desperate need to finish that book I'm reading.  They repay tenfold in love, joy, and fun whatever I lose of 'myself.'  They teach me humility and what it is to be loved and to love.  They remind me that there is a whole, huge, brilliant world out there to enjoy and explore and that if my whole world is myself, it is rather small indeed.  Only in dying to self can we become who we truly are.  I always thought parents were to teach their children, but each day I find, more and more, that it is my child who is teaching me more about life and myself than I ever imagined possible!

Figgins does Muffins (chocolate chip of course!)

I have a cookbook I have never used, it is more of a relic or an antiquity rather than a useful part of society.  I have used its younger, hipper sister many a time, but this darling still advises donning high heels and pearls before the hubbie gets home after you've spent a full day of cleaning and cooking.  It is a 1950 Better Homes cookbook and while it is fun to look back at the 'way things used to be,' I haven't found it all that helpful in real life.  Until now.  I don't mind the muffin recipe in the modern version, but I haven't been all that excited about it nor have I found one online that has really struck my fancy (after all, life is not worth living without an excellent muffin recipe right?).  So in desperation I dug out my elderly Better Homes and found 'Best-ever Muffins' which I have adapted to using with a sweet sourdough starter and chocolate chips.  The results were actually pretty good.  If you want the original recipe, omit the sourdough starter and milk and use 3/4 cup buttermilk instead, I used chocolate chips but this recipe is infinitely adaptable to blueberries or whatever.

Chocolate Chip Sourdough Muffins:

1 1/2 cups flour
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 Tbsp sugar

1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup sweet sourdough starter (amish friendship bread or Herman)
2 eggs
1/4 cup melted butter or margarine

1/2 cup chocolate chips

Mix dry ingredients and form a well in the center, set aside.  Mix moist ingredients thoroughly and then add to dry.  Stir just until moistened, adding chocolate chips after a stroke or three.  Fill 12 greased or paper lined muffin cups 2/3 full and bake in a 400 degree oven until golden and poofy.

Pancakes ala Figgins

I am not a huge pancake fan, but I have made more pancakes in the last fortnight than in the last two years combined.  These are tasty enough to make me crave them again and again.  You can use any sort of sweet sourdough starter in this recipe be it Herman or Amish Friendship bread.

1 cup flour
1 Tbsp sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 egg
2/3 cup milk
2/3 cup Figgins or other sweet sourdough starter
2 Tbsp oil

Mix dry ingredients in a medium bowl and set aside.  Mix moist ingredients well and add to dry, mixing just until moistened.  Pour onto heated griddle using a 1/4 cup measure, flip when bubbles aren't reabsorbed.  Should make 12 fluffy pancakes.

Master Figgins

I believe the sweet sourdough experiment is going rather well.  I have christened the starter Figgins for some reason I cannot fathom but so it is.  I have used it in everything from bread to coffee cake to muffins to pancakes.  Substituting it for buttermilk in certain recipes has had good results (obviously you'll need to adjust the other ingredients to get the right consistency).  It especially makes good bread and pancakes.  I tried a recipe over at allrecipes.com that was supposed to be a herman sourdough biscuit.  They were okay but were a weird cross between a biscuit and a yeast bread.  With the time it took you might as well make buns!  Best of all, people don't run when they see me coming in fear that I want to foist some extra starter off on them.  I think I may keep Master Figgins around indefinitely!

Realistic Amish Friendship Bread Starter

I think my 'amish friendship bread' experiment is going to be a success.  Apart from the container overflow disaster, it has turned out quite tasty and rather easy to maintain.  No longer will it be multiplying to the point where all your friends will move away and I will not need to schedule my life around 'feeding' it.  I haven't actually made 'amish friendship bread' with it (I am not a huge fan of quick breads), but I have used it in pancakes, cinnamon rolls, and sourdough bread and have been very happy with the results, especially the bread and the pancakes, the rolls were good but nothing extraordinary whereas the bread and pancakes were possibly some of the best I have ever made.  This is a 'sweet' starter in that it uses far more sugar than some sourdough starters, but I happen to like that.  It is comparable to the 'Herman' sourdough starters and can be used in almost any bread recipe where a little sweetness is a good thing (rolls, quick breads, white yeast bread, pancakes, muffins…); pumpernickel and rye breads likely would not benefit or if you truly like a 'sour' sourdough (I think that is an oxymoron).  So here is my recipe for sensible amish friendship bread starter:

Mix 1 cup white flour with 1 cup white sugar.
Mix in 1 tsp instant or bread machine yeast*
Slowly stir in 1 cup lukewarm milk until smooth.
Cover loosely and let ferment at room temperature for 4-5 days, until vigorous bubbling drops off, stirring several times a day.  It is now ready to use.

*You can use regular yeast, but follow label directions for proofing (mix it with a little warm water and let it sit for a few minutes before adding to mixture, also increase the amount used).

If you are going to use it every few days, leave it at room temperature and add equal parts flour, milk, and sugar as needed to replace what is used.  If you are only going to use it on occasion, throw it in the fridge and stir in a tablespoon each of milk, flour, and sugar every 7-10 days and stir, otherwise ignore it.  If you know you are going to use it soon, pull it out of the fridge the night before, stir in 3/4 as much flour, sugar, and milk as you are going to remove starter (if using one cup starter, replace with 3/4 cup each flour, sugar, and milk) and let it sit out overnight.  Use it the next day and return to the fridge afterwards.  You only need to add as much flour, sugar, and milk as you routinely use, unless you want to multiply it and give it away.  Store it in any glass or plastic container with a loose fitting lid or cheese cloth, a ziplock bag works fine.  Sourdough purists don't use any sort of metal container or utensil, but stirring it with a fork on occasion will not kill it.  It may have a slightly 'vinegary' smell, as this is a fermented product.  If it grows mold, smells rancid, or turns a strange color, discard it and start over.  As for recipes, experiment and search the internet.  I like to add 1/4 tsp baking soda per 1 cup starter to any recipe, to neutralize a bit of the 'sour' taste.  For pancakes I just used a buttermilk pancake recipe and used starter in place of the buttermilk, though you will have to add a little extra milk to thin out the batter, but the pancakes were soft, fluffy, and tasty.  For sourdough bread, use it with your favorite sourdough recipe or add 2/3 cup starter and 1/4 tsp baking soda to your favorite white bread recipe (adjust flour as necessary).

Don't forget to name it, that is the most important part!

Child of another sun?

It is the zucchini of baked goods and so inappropriately named that one wonders how the original nomenclaturist came up with it.  Whether it is fad, fetish, addiction, obsession, plague, or parasitic invader from another sun, I have yet to determine.  But I should know better, I should!  My mother inherited one such specimen back in the 90's and the results were predictable, so much so that I had absolutely no interest in attempting such a feat myself at any time in the last twenty years, though I thought the finished product was rather tasty.  What is it?  If you have not yet figured it out, you have never been the victim of 'Amish Friendship Bread.'

Apparently the stuff never originated with the Old Order Amish and it is the best possible way to lose all your friends.  Following the instructions makes the stuff quite prolific and you must find about 100 people a year to foist the stuff off on, which means people start avoiding eye contact, never return your calls, and go to a different grocery store if they see your car in the parking lot.  You become a slave to the stuff, feeding it and aiding it in its vile plot to reproduce and take over the western world.  So why on earth would anyone want to intentionally start their own culture?

I am a little wiser (I hope) and a little more experienced in breadish lore in recent years, and the bread is very good so why not?  And this would not be my first attempt at sourdough, that is exactly what the stuff is: a sweet sourdough culture.  So if I feed it less it will not multiply and be fruitful, thus maintaining the sacred bond of friendship.  I thought I would give it a try…I might live to regret this yet.  I found the recipe over at allrecipes.com and mixed it up last night.  Already it has overflowed the container and tried to take over the kitchen (probably because I used instant yeast instead of regular, I knew I should have cut it back!).  I stirred it with a wire whisk (a big no no for sourdough purists) and used tap water (another vile sin), but that did not hinder the thing at all, it most definitely has a life of its own!  I will further break tradition and probably use some on day 5 rather than feed and stir until day ten, at least if the fermentation process is complete.  After that, it will live in the fridge and get fed occasionally but not enough to make 3 extra 'give away' cultures each week.  I hope this effectively neuters the stuff and makes it useful without letting it take over my life.  And of course it needs a name, being its own unique entity!  Hey, if you can't have fun with it, why do it?

On soup

It is August, but alas, I have done the unthinkable, yes I have made soup.  I usually reserve my soup days for fall and winter, but it has been feeling more like November of late than the steamy, hot last days of summer so soup was called for.  My problem with soup is that I never make the same soup twice, I have never actually followed a recipe; I simply throw together the little odds and ends I have lying around and need to use up and the results are usually good.  There's nothing better than a good, hearty soup on a cold, miserable day, but it is a little depressing when such a day happens at the tail end of summer!

Pudding 'Poke' Cake

This is a great recipe for summer parties and gatherings (or you can eat it all yourself, yay!) and is really easy.  Remember that white cake with the jello in it that was a staple of grade school lunch?  This is the same concept, except you use pudding instead of jello.  You can vary the pudding/cake flavors to suit your own tastes, my favorite follows and is something like Boston Cream Pie, but way easier!

1 9x13 yellow cake, cooled and unfrosted (a box mix works great)
1 box vanilla pudding (instant or cooked, 4 or 6 serving)
1 box chocolate pudding (same as above)

Using a wooden spoon handle, pencil, dowel, etc. poke holes in the cake about 1/2 inch apart, covering the entire cake.  Prepare first box of pudding as directed on box (can do either pie filling or regular prep) and pour over cake before it sets, filling holes.  Prepare second box of pudding as desired and pour over cake before it sets, fill any remaining holes and spread evenly 'to frost.'  Cover and refrigerate at least 2-3 hours.  Serve cold and store in the fridge.  Adjust flavors, preparation, etc to suit your own tastes, I like lots of pudding so use the 6 serving size box.  The possibilities are endless, enjoy!

Amish Biker Chick?

Yes, those are Harley Davidson biker boots displayed alongside a bicycle, pink sweet peas, and white socks.  I was in the market for a new pair of work boots and found these at the local thrift store for an agreeable price and thought they would be perfect, despite their rather incongruous brand!  Some poor biker is probably turning over in his grave at this very moment.  Before they become encrusted permanently with manure and grime, we had a family photo shoot that also included a trike and a pink shirt, among other very biker-esque paraphernalia.  This might be as close as we ever get to Sturgis!

Pizza Buffet, at home!

We are having company and sometimes I can't decide what to make for supper.  Sometimes it is fun to let the guests fend for themselves, especially if they have teenagers or older kids.  I make enough dough in the bread machine for the number of guests we are expecting and roll it out into single serving sizes, place on a baking sheet and preheat the oven, then I let everyone make their own pizza.  Obviously not everyone will be able to eat the main course at once as the pizzas must take turns in the oven, but if you have some munchies and conversation to keep them busy this in not a huge problem.  I set out a variety of sauces, cheeses, and toppings and let people do their own thing, it is a lot of fun and everyone gets to eat something they like.  If only there were some fried chicken in the mix...

Reinventing the hotdog...

Before kids, hotdogs were rare 'oh they're on sale' treats, after kids, strangely they have become the fifth food group, and needless to say they can get a little boring.  So I went searching on the boundless 'interweb' and came across a few recipes that looked interesting, namely a hotdog wrapped in either a bagel or pretzel dough and baked until delicious.  I tried the pretzel variant tonight and was very happy with the result, the same technique could easily be modified to make it a 'bagel dog.'  I ended up with 24 of the buggers from a 1.5 pound bread dough recipe (4.5 cups flour), so I will have plenty to freeze!

You will need:

Bread dough (use your favorite recipe/technique or frozen should work fine too), I'd stick to plain white bread but if you want to experiment with something else, that's what puts the fun in cooking!

Hot dogs (number depends on size and amount of dough you have)

8-10 cups water in a large pot

1/4 cup white sugar or 2/3 cup baking soda (sugar for bagels or soda for pretzels)

What to do:

Add sugar or soda to water and bring to boil.  Divide dough into quarters and roll each quarter into a rough rectangle, as flat as you can get it.  Then cut 1-2 inch strips with a pizza cutter the full length of the dough.  Wrap each hotdog in a strip of dough, slightly overlapping edges and leaving both ends of the hot dog peeking out, seal the loose edge of the dough.  Place 2-3 wrapped hotdogs in the boiling water and remove with slotted spoon once they float and the dough looks pasty and slightly poofy (about 1-2 minutes).  Drain hotdogs slightly on a towel, place on a baking sheet in oven (375-425 degrees), and bake until golden brown and the hotdog sizzles.  Should freeze well.  Leftover dough can be used to make bagel or pretzel bites.

An unfortunate choice of wording

I was not planning to buy peaches, but the sign intrigued me.  On a placard bearing the words, 'red tag special,' they advertised that Listeria laced peaches were not available.  I was appalled, this could not be happening!  This is America, we do not have shortages like this!  It is in the Constitution or something, didn't we fight a war with Britain over tea?  What will this do to world peace and stability?  I was aghast, no peaches?  I am sure I have a recipe somewhere for peaches ala listeriosis…now that I knew I couldn't have them I knew that I must have them…I need them!  This is an outrage!  Just wait until social media finds out…I will write the president…the marines...

Yes, I am being utterly ridiculous again, but this poorly worded sign amused me no end.  I have no wish to consume peaches contaminated with Listeria monocytogenes and risk illness thereby, but the sign literally made it sound as if they were apologizing that said tainted fruit was unavailable rather than that it was unavailable due to recall because it was tainted!  This is why good grammar is important, lest you disappoint your customers that they have missed their opportunity to own their very own tainted fruit rather than saying that you are out of peaches but their health will not be imperiled thereby.  So go hug an English Teacher (I suppose they are called something like Language Arts teachers these days, don't ask me what the modern day equivalent of Home Ec. is) for one might have saved your life!

Beauty for ashes (Epic Gardening the epilogue)

After my poor little garden got mowed over, I figured I'd at least check the potatoes to see if anything was salvageable.  I was hoping to get a few new potatoes anyway.  I checked the first plant with a hand trowel and salvaged two golfball sized potatoes (though damaging their delicate skin in my retrieval).  I'll probably get a decent crop of small potatoes after all, but these first damaged fruits need immediate first aid:

Melt butter (yes, real butter and lots of it) in a pan.

Slice potatoes as thin as possible and add to melted butter.  Add sweet peppers and onions.  Season with garlic, pepper, and seasoned salt.  Stir frequently and cook until crispy and soft.

This has turned out to be a very tasty unfortunate incident!

Naan?

I've never had real naan (Indian flatbread), but I found this recipe on the internet so it must be authentic, right?  Anywho, this is a tasty alternative to hot dog buns, tortillas, etc.  You can put sauce on it and make mini pizzas or use it for tacos, it is even good plain!  I let it cool slightly and throw it in the freezer, pulling out what I need.  It thaws well (or you can microwave it too) and tastes fresh too.  I use the bread machine but you can adjust it for the mixer or by hand if you prefer.

For bread machine on dough cycle (follow your machine's specifications):

1 cup warm water
3 Tbsp milk
1 egg
2 tsp salt
1/4 c white sugar

4 1/2 cups flour
2 tsp garlic powder (optional, add with the flour)

2 tsp bread machine yeast

Run the dough cycle as directed, adding more water or flour as needed to form a nice dough.

Once the cycle is finished, remove dough and divide into 18-24 golf ball sized chunks.  Let the balls of dough rise until double.

Preheat oven to 450 degrees (F) with a pizza stone or cookie sheet on the middle rack inside while preheating.

Roll each ball of dough flat (~1/8 inch thick) and place 3-4 quickly onto preheated stone/sheet and shut the oven.  Remove when bread is puffy and starts to acquire brownish spots (about 2-3 minutes per batch).  Place bread in a covered container lined with a towel to 'sweat.'  Repeat with remaining dough, placing hot bread on top of cooler bread and replacing lid.  You can butter the bread right out of the oven which makes it even better.  The original recipe calls for buttering the bread before cooking but that can cause a very smokey baking experience.  Eat while still warm or freeze for best results.

You can also cook them on the stove top in a very hot pan, turning once like pancakes.

All's fair in love and photography?

I have been a dabbler in photography since I received a 110 film camera back in the stone ages when I was 7 or 8, and over the years my equipment and skills have improved and I have even evolved into the digital age, more or less willingly.  Over the years I've enjoyed entering a few pictures in the local county fair with varying results.  In 4-H as a teenager with a 35mm camera I always placed well but never went to the State Fair in that particular project, but I did grow bolder and even tried open class once my 4-H days were over.  That particular fair had a wonderful photography exhibit and was very competitive, more often than not I never placed but when I did, I felt like it actually meant something.  Then I grew up, went to school for a century or two, and started something called real life and my exhibitionistic days seemed behind me.  But after I had settled down again I figured why not try again at a fair 300 miles away?  That was a mistake.

It was a much smaller fair and the photography was all jumbled up with finger paintings by 5 year olds and cross-stitch patterns by octogenarians and the homemade potholder display.  Worse, nothing was sorted by class, subject, or age group.  The proverbial monkeys that should be trying to type up Hamlet must have taken a break to arrange the exhibit.  The judging was also a travesty, apparently by same said monkeys, as photos well worth placing were left barren while certain unremarkable prints took the prize.  I was embarrassed even to be a part of it.

Then we moved again (500 miles later) and another small fair presented itself, why not?  So off I went again with my photos to the county fair, this one had a rather strange classing system (based on film type (110, 35mm, digital, etc, I was surprised not too see polaroid!) but I thought I might as well try as not.  I entered 10 shots and took a blue on every one plus a few special merits and Reserve Champion, awesome photographer you ask?  No, tiny fair!  The exhibit was small but well organized and the judging was fair, therein I must be content.  I'd like to see a larger array of photos and of better quality, but at least it is a start.  As there were a total of 50 photos, I took about 20% of the lot!  Most were just snapshots rather than people trying to be artistic, which is fun but not really a challenge.  I miss the fair of my youth, but for a minuscule fair, I cannot complain, at least I felt like the judging was not based on the photographer but on the quality of the work.  The Grand Champion deserved to be grand champion, whereas the last fair I went to, the Grand Champ was only such because of who they were not what they had done.

I love beauty and am overjoyed when someone manages to catch it on film, I can't paint or draw, only push a button to capture a moment in time, but sometimes it is a window into something beyond it.

Peanut Butter Frosting

If you get tired of the same chocolate or vanilla, here's a quick recipe for peanut butter frosting:

1/4 cup creamy Peanut Butter
1/4 butter, softened but not melted

Beat together until smooth, then add:

1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp salt

Mix well then gradually add:

Approximately 2 1/2 cups powdered sugar.  Add a little milk as needed until you achieve the desired consistency.  Blend well with a hand mixer.  Great for cakes or even eating straight out of the bowl!

Hotel Vole

Dear Gentle Rodents,

I must tell you of this dear little place I found, nestled back in a shady corner of a lovely garden setting. The rooms are spacious, fresh bedding is provided frequently and turned at prime intervals.  The room service is outstanding, with an assortment of goodies provided just when it is wanted.  The place is frequented by only the fattest and sleekest of our kind and they rave that it is 'the' place to raise children.  Predators are completely absent and even the worst of the weather is kept at bay thanks to the ingenuity of our hosts.  The silly creatures insist on calling the place a 'compost heap,' or even a 'dump,' but I assure you it is anything but.  So when next you are in the market for new lodgings, be sure to check out this little gem!


Sincerely,

Madam Vole 

Embracing modern trends

I saw an article in a major magazine probably six months ago regarding one of the new 'hip' (can I still use that word?) lifestyles becoming more and more common in the West: the childfree life.  Reading the article, I thought most of the people interviewed seemed rather shallow, selfish, and juvenile in their reasoning for embracing this lifestyle, which is not surprising as parenting forces one to grow up and assume responsibility for a life not one's own.  I gave it little thought thereafter, until this week.  Now there is a huge difference between being 'childfree' and 'childless,' the first is a choice and embraced gladly, while the latter is often not by choice and usually quite painful for all involved, especially in a culture that regards parenting as something akin to a hobby and children as an impediment to 'success.'  What happened this week to refocus my attention on this issue?  I went to camp.

If one is struggling with any sort of family or relationship issues, well meaning individuals can cause intense pain without evening realizing it.  If you are sitting on an adoption waiting list, going through infertility, dealing with prolonged singleness, have recently been divorced or widowed, have suffered a miscarriage or abortion, etc, etc, it is very difficult to have people repeatedly ask, 'so when are you getting married?, how many kids do you have?, when are you going to start a family, etc.'  It basically rubs salt in an open wound, feelings you thought you had conquered are let out of the closet in all their ugly glory to romp once more through your addled mind, while you must maintain a fake smile, nod politely, and give some bland answer while wanting to run away and cry or snarkily say, 'mind your own business!'  My own particular questions this week was, "is he your only one?"  Referring to our two year old adopted son, asked about 15 times daily, as if having one child were akin to vacationing on Mars!  I would love to have more kids, but barring a miracle, that does not seem likely and I have resigned myself to that fact, being asked repeatedly if he is the only one in a tone suggesting that he has two heads gets on the nerves rather quickly!  Thus I have decided to embrace the modern lifestyle trend of the moment!  I am going childfree!

Being barren was seen as a disgrace in the old days, whereas we moderns have discovered it is actually awesome, freeing, and enlightened.  I am not childless, I am childfree!  And yes, my son has agreed to embrace this new lifestyle with me (ask in the right tone of voice and a toddler will agree to anything).  So the next time a well meaning lady with purple hair asks painful questions, I can reply jauntily that, "I am living the childfree lifestyle and loving it!"  Of course this will only confuse her no end as I walk off  pushing my stroller!  Yes, I am being completely nonsensical here, though on the six hour ride home with a disgruntled toddler in the backseat I begin to realize the wisdom of such a lifestyle.  Then we got home and he gives me one of those smiles and a great big hug and I realize life cannot be lived for oneself alone, that is merely existing, one must care for others to truly live.  I cannot lie on the beach for hours or go on a weekend trip to Paris on a whim, but that would not bring me Joy anyway.  Life is rather empty if You are the only reason you are alive.  I feel very sorry for those who willingly live only for themselves and only realize it too late when life is drab, colorless, and lonely how silly they have been.  This is not to say that parenting is the only option in loving others, there are many ways to serve our fellow men and love our neighbors, but rather, in choosing to live for my pleasure alone, I dig a deep and narrow grave for my once vibrant soul.  This is the answer to the question, "what does it profit a man to gain the whole world but to lose his soul?"  And the meaning of the paradoxical, "he who loses his life will keep it."  Which means, I suppose, that I must tolerate the prying questions of well meaning old ladies, patiently bearing the pain, for love is not without its costs.  

The ease of growing things

Gardening is really easy!  A friend of ours tilled up a much larger plot than we need and the whole thing is green and flourishing.  The caveat is that gardening is only easy if one is not picky about what one is growing.  My humble collection of corn and potatoes are surviving, the squash has yet to come up, and my pitiful peppers are not worth mentioning but the pigweed is phenomenal.  Now I just need to find a use for pigweed…maybe I can sell it as some sort of shampoo additive or nutritional supplement?  Now taking orders.

Curiouser and Curiouser

After traversing the globe this week (or so it feels) on an extended visit to see family and friends, it is very good to be home, even if it means a week's worth of neglected laundry, a garden overrun with vigorous weeds, and a moldy dishwasher (I always forget something and this time it was turning on the dishwasher!).  It was a fun (but exhausting) trip, I do not recommend traveling several thousand miles by car if accompanied by a two year old unless absolutely necessary.  Perhaps the most interesting revelation of our trip (and return to civilization) was what I learned about nutrition or what some people mistake for nutrition.

Apparently a thing is not nutritious because of what it contains but rather for what it lacks.  I had always laughed at jelly beans advertising that they were fat free (100% sugar) and at salt being gluten free, but I literally sat at a restaurant while the proprietor extolled the virtues of root beer.  I like root beer, I don't mind if my two year old has a little bit now and then, but it is rather hilarious (and a little scary) to sit at the lunch counter of a drive in restaurant eating your hamburger while the owner gives your son a complimentary taste of his own peculiar brew while explaining that it contains no corn syrup or preservatives, etc, etc, etc…  One would think by his description that we had discovered the Fountain of Youth rather than a local soda concoction consisting of mostly sugar.

Who cares that it does not contain corn syrup, it still contains sugar!  I have no problem with my kid consuming either in reasonable quantities but to assume one type of sweetener is somehow 'healthier' than another is rather amusing.  But what scares me is that this man must say this to parents on a regular basis and they must accept it as wisdom that somehow this drink is 'healthy' because it does not contain x, y, or z!  Is there so little understanding about nutrition among the general public that we simply avoid certain things and are thus eating 'healthy?'  Are we entering an age of nutritional legalism as our spiritual lives become ever more lax and vague?  But then a list of rules has never allowed the spirit to flourish and I doubt it will do much for our diets either, so in this case, 'let us eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die!'

An Officially Summer Dessert

We somehow managed to skip spring this year.  Last week we were complaining about the cold and this week we fuss about the heat!  So in honor of the season, I whipped up a nice cool dessert.  If you hate chocolate, proceed with caution!

Oreo Pudding Dessert:

2 (small) Boxes instant chocolate pudding
3 cups milk
1 8oz tub whipped topping, thawed.

1 package chocolate sandwich cookies

Combine the pudding and milk, stir in the whipped topping.  Twist cookies in half and cover the bottom of a 9x13 pan with cookie halves, frosting side up.  Top with 1/2 of pudding mixture.  Add another layer of cookies and top with remaining pudding.  Crumble remaining cookies on top of dessert.  Cover and refrigerate 6 hours or overnight.

You can also use vanilla pudding and graham crackers and top with chocolate frosting for an eclair type dessert.  

Revelations

Spring still is not here though a few warblers and budding trees give me hope.  We'll see if my flowers and veggies become a paradise or a dystopia when the warmer weather comes.  I never thought to enjoy weeding, but it is something like kneading bread, there is a joy in the violence of it.

A housing checklist

We recently moved and more and more, I am amazed at what this place has to offer.  There are surprising things that keep popping up on my 'house checklist,' that I did not even know I needed, but am delighted to have.  Of course, these are all silly nonessentials dear to me and superfluous to everyone else, but they help make this place a home.

• Fairies: or at least a yard/garden where they might live.
• Warblers: vital to the very existence of Spring and sadly absent from many of my recent lodgings, I have even seen 4 species in my backyard!
• Sunsets/Rises in HD: it is nice to be able to see both (or even either) without looking out on a scene reminiscent of a communist East Germany.
• Sunshine: large windows (on 4 sides!) rather than small ones on 1 side.
• Tropical weather: after living in Siberia, even with 'the worst winter in memory' as the locals put it this year, this has been lovely (this would count as an average to mild winter back home).  We had less than a week of -30F  and no more than two feet of snow which melted before June!
• A Spare room (or three): I am a sociable antisocial person but I could never have people over because, well, no one wanted to live like sardines, even for a weekend.  Though there is no wardrobe leading to an enchanted land where it is always winter but never christmas, but maybe in one of the closets there is a secret passage to a land where it is always christmas and never winter?

So there you have it, things vital to your next home purchase.  Don't expect to see these as pointers on 'House Hunters' anytime soon though.

Orange 'salad'

I have never understood how a concoction of gelatin, pudding, fruit, marshmallows, and whipped topping can be called a 'salad' when there is not a leafy green to be seen, but it is still tasty.  This one is also quick and easy.

You will need:

1/3 cup boiling water
1 small box orange gelatin
1 small box instant vanilla pudding

1 15 oz can mandarin oranges with juice
1 bag small marshmallows
1 tub whipped topping, thawed

In a large bowl (with a lid), pour in the gelatin and pudding, add the water and mix until well combined.  Stir in the oranges with juice, until well mixed.  Add whipped topping and mix well and follow with the marshmallows.  Cover and refrigerate at least two hours before serving.  You could probably add pineapple or other fruit, as desired.

Creative Parental Bragging

Admit it, you get really annoyed by people who can't shut up about their 'amazing' kids, whether on social media or in person, and then strangely enough, you turn around and do the exact same thing, but its okay, your kid really is that amazing.  If you are going to brag about your kid, my suggestion is that you only mention things that are truly amazing, such as my two year old's ability to do advanced math, namely calculus.  Strangely, no one is amazed that your kid can walk, has teeth, or can use the potty, but I bet very few toddlers have mastered calculus!  All I have to do is ask him what the derivative of 2x is and he says, 'two.'  Which is exactly correct (and about the extent of what I remember from calculus).  But did I mention 'two' is the only number he knows?  Minor details…

Peanut butter fudge ice cream 'cake'

It was my son's birthday celebration and he (and we) love ice cream cake but the nearest Dairy Queen is 80 miles away so I had to improvise.  This was a bit cheaper and much tastier, I think it is the best dessert I have ever made!  I just used whatever I had in the house, it can easily be altered to suit your own taste/handy ingredients.  I used my trifle bowl (which was a pain to freeze, but pretty!), I would recommend a large plastic container with a lid (an ice cream pail would be great).

You will need:

Ice cream (I used a quart each of chocolate and vanilla), softened (leave at room temp for 30 minutes)

Cake or brownies (I used 1/2 of a leftover chocolate cake with chocolate frosting) crumbled up

Hot fudge (I made my own, but you can use store bought), 1-2 cups

Toffee baking bits (find them in the chocolate chip section at the grocery store)

1 8 oz tub whipped topping, thawed

Peanut butter pie filling (mix 1 cup peanut butter with 1 cup milk and a small box of instant vanilla pudding until smooth, stir in 1/2 of the whipped topping above)

12 Peanut butter cup candies, halved, for garnish

Put 1/2 of the cake in the bottom of the container, top with 1/2 each of the peanut butter, the ice cream, the hot fudge, the toffee bits, and then repeat, saving a bit of the toffee for garnish.  Top with the remaining whipped topping and the toffee.  Freeze for at least 12 hours.  Before serving, remove from freezer 30-60 minutes before serving and top with peanut butter cups.

Roasted parmesan and herb potatoes

I have roasted potatoes in the oven before, but this variation came out very tasty and were not dry at all.  I had limited oven space and time over the weekend so I made them ahead of time and just warmed them in the oven before serving which worked well.  It is a little more tedious than some methods, but the result was well worth it.  This fed 14 people, adjust the recipe as needed.

5 pounds of potatoes, cut into bite size pieces (I use a mixture of yukon gold and red potatoes with skin left on)

1/4 cup butter, melted
3 tbsp vegetable oil

parmesan cheese
italian seasoning
celery salt
black pepper
chili powder
seasoned salt
onion powder
garlic powder

Boil the potatoes for 5-10 minutes until slightly soft, but not mashable, drain well.  Combine the oil and butter and pour over potatoes, toss to coat.  Place potatoes in a single layer in a baking pan (you may need several).  To season, I used a parmesan cheese container with approximately 1/3 cup parmesan left inside and added the other seasons to the cheese, mixing well and just eyeballing the amounts according to taste, adjust as desired.  Shake 1/4 of herb/cheese mixture over potatoes and toss, repeat until the potatoes are well coated and the seasoning is used up.  Bake in a 425 oven for 20-40 minutes, until golden and sizzling, stir every 10-15 minutes.  Serve immediately or refrigerate and reheat in oven for later use.

Easy cheesy potatoes

I finally made a cheesy hash brown casserole for the small herd that invaded my house this weekend, and after perusing 1.2 million recipes I decided to try my own variation as many of them tend to be greasy or heavy or bland.  It turned out pretty good and was none of the three.

What you will need:

A 9x13 disposable aluminum pan (you can use a reusable one, but this made cleanup a breeze!)

1 2 pound bag southern style frozen hash browns

1 can cream of chicken soup
2 tbsp butter or margarine
1 cup (8 oz) sour cream
salt and pepper

2 cups (8oz) shredded cheese (try colby jack or velveeta shreds)

garlic powder
parmesan cheese

In a bowl, combine the soup, butter, sour cream, and salt and pepper to taste, mix well and then mix in cheese.  Add potatoes and stir to coat, pour everything into the baking dish and sprinkle well with garlic and parmesan.  Bake in a 375 oven until golden and bubbly, about 30 minutes.

The weekend to end all weekends?

I have heard rumors that the world is coming to an end, probably started by the same folks who invented Y2K and worried about the Mayan Calendar, as the so-called 'blood moons' have come.  I have heard more worrisome rumors of a three day blizzard, though I can't find anything besides a 30% chance of snow on Thursday.  What is all the fuss about?  I am hosting a family get together for the first time ever.  I have somewhere between 7-9 people coming for a long weekend plus a possible random guy showing up for Easter dinner.  I have in-laws, outlaws, and everybody and their sister showing up, not showing up, thinking about showing up, and the guest list changing daily.  I've never done this before, I haven't a clue how how many to expect, but I've prepared as best I can so we'll just wait and see what happens, at least if the end of the world comes, I won't have to worry about it.  Or maybe being forced to eat my cooking and spend three nights in the same house might be construed as worse than the end of the world, who knows?  It should be fun, at least if the blizzard does not show up.  It has been interesting to try planning to feed so many people at once, I have a new respect for all the family dinners my grandmother has hosted and cannot imagine how people with eight kids do it day in and day out!

Shopping sprees for the overly frugal

I went shopping today.  I hate shopping.  I live 80 miles from the nearest Walmart (let alone fancier stores).  I bought an entire wardrobe for less than $20, did not leave town, and had a ball.  What is my secret?  Find a good thrift store.  Now there are thrift stores and there are thrift stores.  Many have poor selection or poor quality merchandise, most charge far too much (prices can be close to new in some locales), and some are downright scary.  My favorites so far, here in this outpost on the edge of forever and back home in 'Siberia,' have a good selection that changes often, insanely low prices, and very decent quality.  What is the secret?  Charity, goodwill, and community spirit I suppose.  Both take donations from community members (and thus can keep their prices reasonable), are staffed by volunteers (again, keeps prices low), and all proceeds go towards a good cause (which means your money buys both a bargain and something more).  Of course, it takes a whole community cooperating to keep one of these stores going.  They need donations and volunteers to run smoothly, but as our community pride depends in part on the success of this venture, everyone pitches in and everyone benefits.  If you have such a thing in your community, think about volunteering or donating your good quality but unused items.  It sure beats having a garage sale!  

On being snowed in

When it snows on the East coast of North America, it makes national headlines.  When it snows in the northern midwest, nobody bats an eye, but then nobody on the East coast cares much what happens here anyway.  I have found that one's appreciation of snow is inversely proportional to the importance of getting somewhere in the midst of a blizzard.  If you have to be somewhere, you absolutely hate snow and its delaying effect, but if you don't want to go to school or don't have to be anywhere, you sit and watch it snow in anticipation or delight (this is why kids love winter and most adults abhor it).  When I had to be at work, no matter what, or had to be out working in it, I deplored snow, but I am now reacquainting myself with my childhood affectation for this wintry phenomenon.  It was predicted last night that we would get around a foot of snow with a strong wind, and though we apparently only received a third of this amount, it is a wet, heavy snow that was preceded by freezing rain while the wind was just as promised, resulting in a veritable freeze in daily life until the storm has blown itself out and we ants can go about clearing our driveways and roads of hazardous precipitation.  Meanwhile, we get to experience what I have not had since childhood: a veritable snow day!  So break out the board games, the videos, the hot chocolate, and stay in your pajamas to make the most of it.  One wonders if American family life would be in a far better state if we were all forced to be snowed in with our loved ones more often?

A Few Sneaky Kitchen Tricks

Busy?  Who isn't, but who has time to cook?  You can probably whip up a home cooked meal faster than you think, especially if you plan ahead and stock your shelves and freezer in anticipation.  It will also save money and time as you can stock up when stuff is on sale rather than running to the store to buy something at the last minute.  Here are a few useful tricks that make life in my kitchen much easier.

Vegetables: here in Siberia, fresh produce is available for about 2 months of the year, the rest of the time we have to subsist on frozen or canned veggies or eat something that is half way to becoming a raisin or compost.  Thankfully, many vegetables freeze or can well and this makes them rather handy for quick meal preparations, just dump and go, no more peeling, cutting, rinsing…  I also like to chop up things like onions, celery, mushrooms, and peppers and throw them in the freezer in a plastic zipper bag so when I need half a cup of minced onion all I have to do is whack the frozen mass on the counter, take out what I need, and continue on with my life.  This works well for veggies going into a cooked dish, but they get soggy when thawed so don't serve them raw.  It is also nice to buy a bag of something, chop it all at once, freeze it, and have it there when you need it.  Don't do this to a potato, it just makes a mess.

Meat: buying your meat in bulk on sale can save money and taking it home and freezing it in usable size portions will also save you time, you can even cook your hamburger ahead of time or cube your stew meat before freezing.

Cheese: shredded cheese keeps well in the freezer and is a handy addition to many recipes, stock up when it goes on sale.  Refreeze anything you won't use within a day or two to avoid molding.

Shortcuts: the current trend is to move away from prepackaged items and make your own from scratch, which is great if you have the time but keeping a selection of canned soups, rice mixes, boxed pastas, cheesy potatoes, pasta sauce, salad dressings, etc. can be a lifesaver to a harried cook.  You can make your own cream of something soup from scratch, but when all you have to do is open a can and boil noodles, you can have supper on the table in half an hour.  I like to use a boxed rice or pasta dish as a base and often add veggies, meat, cheese, and/or a sauce to make it a meal.  They also make handy side dishes when you need to round out a meal at the last minute.  Think of macaroni and cheese as a blank canvas rather than as something that might kill you, I don't think it has been proven to cause cancer yet, so eat up!

Spices: learn to use spices to add flavor without adding salt to recipes, you can also make your own sauces and dressings that suite your own taste.  Figure out what you like, experiment, and have fun.  The dollar store or a local bulk grocer often sell decent spices for much less.  You can make your own taco seasoning, spaghetti sauce, etc. rather than buying a pre-made mix.

Starch: keep a variety of noodles, rice, tortillas, potatoes (fresh or frozen (french fries, etc), bread, etc. on hand to round out your meals.  I like making buns or french bread and then freezing them while they are still warm.  Zap them in the microwave when needed and they taste fresh.    

The ultimate toy!

I have searched the world over (at least the internet) to find the best toy in the world.  And I have found it.  I think I may start selling them on ebay.  Ready?  The Box.  Yes, the box!  A three dimensional rectangle made of cardboard and perfectly designed for just about any purpose, real or imagined.  Of course kids have known this all along, but now it is official!  On sale this week only for $29.99 (plus shipping, handling, and tax).  Batteries not included.  Get yours today!

On Alternative Lifestyles

A recent article highlighting the alternative lifestyle of an Olympic gold medalist is causing quite a stir amongst a subpopulation who had pretty much given up on ever being considered trendy, interesting, or nontraditional, but it seems all that is about to change.  In our ever changing and evolving culture, what was once considered 'normal' is apparently the new 'radical,' and what was once 'radical' is now run of the mill, ho-hum, everyday 'normal.'  So what is this trendy new lifestyle choice?  Hold onto your socks, the 1950's are back!  Yes, if you want to be the coolest cat in town, just get married (to a person of the opposite gender) and have a kid or three.  There you have it folks, heterosexual marriage with biological children, the so-called traditional family, is now nontraditional.  So let's hear what people are saying about this new lifestyle choice:

"I'm thrilled, absolutely thrilled!  I never thought I would see the day when we were 'cool!'  My husband and I had always thought we were a little weird or outdated or something.  It was one of those things you just couldn't talk about at the office or the playground.  You just felt like there was something wrong with you, that it was not socially acceptable, that the world looked down on you, but it isn't that way any more!  My daughters would come home in tears because they didn't have two mommies or half  siblings or because they actually knew who their father was; they didn't have a 'cool' family like all the other kids.  Now they can be as proud of their 'stodgy' married, opposite gender parents as all their friends are of their various and assorted family makeups."  ~Susan Sawyer, wife and mother of two.

"I don't know, I think we have enough letters as it is.  People are starting to think it is some sort of alternative alphabet or something already.  We've used most of the letters, maybe they could start some sort of an auxiliary group or something.  I'm also a bit disappointed, it is getting to be like in grade school where everybody is special which means that really, no one is.  It is kind of weird to have society considering us 'normal' and the so-called nuclear family is now the 'alternative.'  I guess I'm really gonna miss being 'special,' but I guess we had our turn and now someone else gets a chance."  Pat Rick, spokesperson for the LGTBQUDOCISLFMHA, Swamp River Tennessee Chapter.  

"I'm jealous, really.  I thought polygamy would go mainstream before this happened.  We are always getting overlooked, forgotten, and neglected.  It just isn't fair!  We are the true 'alternative lifestyle' if you ask me.  What's so exciting about only one wife anyway?  I hate that we still have to hide who and what we are when these people are now socially acceptable.  When will it be our turn?"  Molly (not her real name), wife 3/5 of an unnamed man.

"It really weirds me out.  Who does that sort of thing any more?  What is this, the 1950's?  Next we'll be applauding home schooling, floor length skirts, and people who have more than two kids!  I bet this skier guy's wife never even completed high school, let alone went to college.  What kind of an example is she setting?  If she wants to date men, fine.  Or have a kid, fine.  But why does she need to go all retro on us?  She is a disgrace to the feminist community.  The least they could do is keep this sort of thing quiet."  Mary Marks, spokeswoman for the Radical Fems society at Alma Mater College, Swamp River New Jersey.

(This 'article' is complete fiction folks, provided only for amusement purposes, all of the interviewees are figments of the author's imagination.  The source article is real, but this is just a silly response to it.)

A bit of earth

I have always loved growing things, but have usually been restricted to things that can grow indoors in a flower pot.  I did attempt to grow squash in a large container outside at our apartment one year but it was too hot (I only had a southern exposure with no shade) and though the poor plant tried it only yielded up on 4 inch specimen large enough for a single serving (for which my husband was happy, he hates squash) and a 1 inch specimen that was good only for Barbie and her friends, but was rather amusing to show off as the fruits of my labor!  Now I actually have the chance to grow things outside, in the ground!  I feel like Mary from the Secret Garden asking, 'for a bit of earth.'  Winter still has us in its cold clutches for another 6-8 weeks but I will attempt to start some flowers inside to alleviate my spring fever.  The problem is I don't know much about this new climate/soil, it is a very different area from that in which I grew up, but I suppose gardening is all about experimentation (and luck).  I may even try another squash.

How to cook?

Can you learn to cook in one easy blog post?  Don't be ridiculous!  Will I teach you the art of cooking in one blog post?  Maybe, or at least I will try to convince you that anyone and everyone can tackle the basics and manage to survive eating what comes out of their own kitchen (frozen dinners do not count).  First, a few ground rules:

1. Cooking is an art, baking is a science.
2. Own a good, basic cookbook (betty crocker, better homes and gardens, cooking for idiots, whatever, just own something that will teach you the basics of boiling water, measuring, nutrition, spices, implements…).
3. Do not be afraid to try, just try new things or you will never get anywhere.
4. Use what you have on hand and expand from there, do not go out and buy all sorts of fancy ingredients, pans, or kitchen doodads, just use what you have and gradually add to your inventory as you figure out what you like/want.
5. Start simple.  If you have never boiled water or fried an egg, these are great skills to master before trying to make a soufflé.  Don't discourage yourself by trying something too complicated at the start.
6. Cook something you will eat.  Don't make snails and then wonder if it turned out because you can't find anyone to try it.  As the saying goes, 'the proof is in the pudding,' but only if you like pudding, if you don't like pudding try something else.
7. You will never be a perfect cook and there will always be someone better than you, the goal is to become a competent cook, not a cordon bleu graduate or the next celebrity chef.
8. No watching the weird chef competitions on the food channel, they rarely make anything edible or with home application.
9. Use common sense: cook meat and eggs well, wash your hands, etc.  Don't make yourself or your victims (I mean guests) sick by ignoring precautions that are meant to keep you happy and healthy.  Salmonella is not fun.

1. Cooking as art:
Cooking is an art, just like painting or singing.  It is a learned skill and some people have a more natural talent for it than others, but most people can do it to some degree or other.  It is also very flexible and there is room for substitution, personal taste, and creativity.  'Good' also varies widely between critics.  I do not like seafood, therefore I will never call a seafood dish, 'good.'  Learn what you like, the techniques that work for you, the ingredients you prefer, and have fun.  As an art, it takes practice.  The best way to practice is to do it, keep doing it, and to occasionally challenge yourself.  Study your basic cookery book, browse online for recipes and tips, talk to other people, watch cooking shows with caution as you can get good tips but you can also get confused or discouraged (edamame?).  Cooking is very flexible but baking is much more precise.  Baking is more like chemistry than opera.  You can add as much or as little salt as you want to your spaghetti sauce, but follow the recipe closely if you are attempting cookies, bread, or anything in that family.  Why?  Cooking is a matter of taste, whereas the ingredients in a baking recipe interact to produce the final product and altering the recipe slightly can significantly alter the results.  Think of mixing the wrong chemicals in chem lab and accidentally setting the lab on fire.  Don't mess with a bread recipe until you are well versed in bread and know what will happen if you leave the sugar out to save a few calories (and end up with bread that won't rise for some, strange reason).  You can be creative with your baking recipes, but cooking is much more flexible than its more persnickety cousin.

2-3. Owning a cookbook and overcoming fear:
The hardest part of making balloon animals is not being afraid to pop the balloon in the attempt.  The same goes for cooking.  Be willing to burn something, to be laughed at because something tastes funny, to try things that are slightly outside your comfort zone.  Get a friend or relative to help you get started if you have no idea what you are doing.  Own a good, basic cookbook and reference it often.  When I left home I could boil water and brown hamburger, but not much else.  Trial and error and Betty Crocker taught me much.  There are some great resources online, but a good 'flesh and blood' cookbook is invaluable in the kitchen and it will not blow up when you spill marinara sauce on it.  Start easy, start simple, and branch out from there.  Have fun and remember this is the one discipline where you get to eat your mistakes.  Make something you like and find a recipe online to try at home.  Ever wanted to make bagels or lo mien?  Give it a try!

4-6. On simplicity, buying stuff, and menu choice:
If you inherited a kitchen full of 'junk' from various relatives, neighbors, and fate, great!  Cooking does not require thousands of dollars invested in professional grade pans to start.  Plastic margarine tubs are just as usable as that expensive tupperware thingamajig.  Garage sales, thrift stores, the dollar store, and your aunt's basement are great places to find bits and pieces to round out your kitchen paraphernalia.  You don't need to own a waffle cone baker unless you plan on opening a custom ice cream store.  As for ingredients, if you have only ketchup and beer in your fridge you may want to go shopping but again, start simple.  Find a recipe that calls for salt, pepper, ketchup, and beer; you have just added salt and pepper to your stash.  Add to your collection gradually, figure out what you like and don't like.  If you can get it on sale or at the dollar store, even better!  As you figure out what you are doing, you can continue to expand and improve your collection of kitchen junk and ingredients, don't do it all at once.  Make things suited to your taste preferences, with equipment you have (or can borrow), with ingredients you have or want to own.  I do not know if I can make good seafood, as I don't like it so can't appraise my skill so I don't make it.  Watch out for all the 'fad' type cooking too.  If you can't afford organic, buy regular stuff.  Don't feel like you have to substitute splenda for sugar or avoid gluten unless your doctor says so.  First learn to cook, then worry about specialty cooking.  Don't start doing something just because 'everyone else is doing it,' begin as you plan to continue, you can always specialize later.  Onions are just fine if you can't get leeks.  I don't know what edamame is.  You can use regular vegetable oil if you can't afford olive oil.  Don't be intimidated (or discouraged) by people that insist there is only one way to cook (their way) because there isn't.  Do what works for you, your budget, your taste, the items available in your area, your dietary needs, and your personal beliefs/preferences.

7-9. Celebrity cooks and food safety:
Just like a neophyte singer probably should not watch American Idol, neither should a natal chef watch some of those crazy cooking shows.  Sure, you can get some tips and learn what you can aspire to, but you can also get some bad habits, get discouraged, and get really confused.  Duck feet ice cream anyone?  That was from the last show I watched, definitely a great starter recipe!  Instead, invite your friends over and have your own 'kitchen show' night.  Have fun, be creative, and keep trying, that is how you learn to cook: by doing it.  And just remember to use common sense when handling food.  Refrigerate leftovers, cook meats and eggs thoroughly, wash produce well, wash your hands and counters frequently, avoid unpasteurized dairy products…you get the idea.  This does not mean you can't sample the cookie dough on occasion but I would avoid sampling the raw hamburger.  Use your brain and have fun.

 

Really good honey mustard

I love honey mustard, but no two are alike and I can't find a brand I really like, and most contain dijon (of which I am not fond), so I finally found a quick and tasty recipe that I love and can make at home.  It can also be easily adjusted for quantity and taste.  It is great for salads, sandwiches, a dipping sauce, and even makes a tasty chicken marinade.

You will need:

1/4 cup miracle whip light (you can use mayo if you prefer)
1 Tbsp yellow mustard
1 Tbsp vinegar (I use white, but use your favorite)
1 Tbsp honey (or sugar or favorite sweetener)

Mix it all together in a small plastic container and let the flavors blend for at least an hour in the fridge and then enjoy as you will or store for later use.  I add a little black pepper and celery salt too.

Dessert for cheaters

Want a delicious (and really easy) dessert that looks like you have been in the kitchen for hours?  Try this peach cobbler recipe that uses canned peaches.

You will need:

1/2 stick melted butter (1/4 cup)

1 cup flour
1 cup sugar
1/4 tsp salt
1 Tbsp baking POWDER
3/4 cup whole milk

1 29 oz can sliced peaches in syrup (heavy syrup is best for flavor, but I have used the light too)

1 1/4 tsp vanilla extract

1/4 tsp cinnamon

1-2 Tbsp citrus fruit juice (1/2 lemon or small orange, lemon juice, grapefruit or orange juice, whatever you have on hand)

Vanilla ice cream (not mandatory but it makes the dessert!)

What to do:

Pour the butter into an 11x7x2 glass baking dish (this is a weird size and the only recipe I have ever seen that asks for this pan size, thankfully I had one inherited from my great grandmother, use whatever you have on hand).  The main trick with this recipe is not to stir between layers, which is weird but it works.  Mix together the dry ingredients (flour through baking powder) and then stir in the milk, mixing well.  Pour the batter into the pan with the butter and DO NOT STIR.  Top the batter with the peaches, juice and all.  Spread them out evenly but don't stir.  Pour the vanilla over the entire pan, sprinkle it with cinnamon, then pour the juice over top of it all.  Bake at 375 until golden brown and bubbly, serve warm with ice cream.  Reheats well in the microwave (one serving at a time).

Cannibalism and artificial coloring, oh my!

I believe I have discovered the last nutritional bastion of evil on the planet!  We have already had uproars about every type of human edible item, dilemmas about cattle feed, and near panic over dog treats made in china, but woefully our society has neglected our aquatic friends, yes, the goldfish's day has come at last.  I have two finned children, two common platys each a year old, sadly their algae consuming brother vanished a month or two ago; the local constabulary is still investigating the disappearance; you have probably seen it on the nightly news.  But with all this hullabaloo revolving around every sort of eatable on the planet, I am disgusted that more attention has not been paid to the baleful plight of our dear submerged companions!    If goats deserve dietary justice, why not the guppy?  This wanton discrimination must stop and for it to stop the ignorance must be dispersed.  Link this highly educational article to all your virtual friends and shine light in the darkness, let the revolution begin!  Yes, these poor aquatic prisoners are forced to consume a diet whose main ingredient is fish meal which makes our unhappy ichthean brothers involuntary cannibals, a situation NEVER encountered in nature.  Not to mention that this vile formula, undoubtedly common to all commercial fish diets, contains artificial colors, chemicals no one but a chemistry major could pronounce, and even possibly GMOs but thankfully no high fructose corn syrup.  Phone your senator immediately and demand action!  This is an emergency, let our finned friends suffer no longer!  We want organic, non-fish, non-gmo, non-corn syrup, no artificial colors, all natural, etc. etc. fish diets and we want it now!  This heinous act must stop!

Yes, this post is completely ridiculous and was meant to be!  I have a couple fish but no finned children, alas the algae eater did vanish but we decided to treat it as a private matter and have not called the police about it.  And yes, in the wild or captivity, fish are quite fond of eating one another.  Those dangerous and unpronounceable chemicals are vitamins.  I was just feeding the poor creatures this morning and glanced at the label, and wondered what it might sound like if I put this silly issue into dramatic language to create a 'crisis.'  We have been upset about worse!  It seems anything can be an 'issue' if someone phrases it the right way.  Let us hope this does not go viral and actually become an issue, as I will no longer be able to afford fish food in the future if the alarmists have their way and the poor dears must go hungry.

Some fads just make 'cents'

I must admit to one fad that lives on, at least at my house.  In my own defense, I will say that the bread machine craze that swept the US in the mid-1990's occurred when I was still a teenager, living at home,  and not really all that interested in nutrition, baking, or living on a budget so I was not involved with it personally all that much, save that my mother had one and made a loaf or two before the thing was put in some forgotten corner to collect dust.  I remember the department stores had a whole aisle of bread machines back then, much as they have coffee makers (and their high tech cousins) now.  But unlike 95% of bread machine owners, I use mine all the time.  I have not bought bread in years and I have actually worn one out.  Many home bakers use a stand mixer with a dough hook or even (gasp) do it by hand, but I love that I can throw everything in, set the dough cycle, and come back in an hour and have dough ready for whatever I had in mind.  The things are indispensable if you are interested in nutrition, baking, have food sensitivities or proclivities, just like home made bread, or want to try reducing your food budget.  You get to control all the ingredients and can make just about anything that uses a dough (not a batter!).  I have made pasta, croissants, pizza crust, pretzels, bread bowls, bagels, french bread, sour dough, buns, cinnamon rolls, flatbread…of course these all require varying ingredients and handling after the bread machine spits out your dough, but that is half the fun!  What follows will be just a short list of things I have learned over the years about what to do (and not) when it comes to these lovable creatures.

First, do not buy an expensive, state of the art bread machine.  I am on my second Sunbeam and still love the thing.  The pan wore out after 375,213 miles and it was almost as much to replace the pan as it was to get a new machine, so I got a new one.  Mechanically it was fine.  My mom has a 'smart' bread machine and I hate the thing.  I can't figure out how to use it and it just means there are more things to break.  It needs to knead the dough and maintain a moist/warm environment, not sing opera or dance the minuet.

Second, don't buy yeast in those little packets or even in the big jars at your local grocery store, rather get a giant bag (1# ) at a bulk food grocery store, Sam's club type store, or online.  I go through about one half to one pound per year so spend $7 once a year rather than $3-7 every 3 months.  Split it with another bread enthusiast if it is too much and remember you can freeze it.

Third, I rarely bake my bread in the machine, rather I set the dough cycle and bake it in the oven (or whatever I need to do with it, per the recipe).  I also never immerse the pan in water, rather I spot clean as needed.  Also, if you don't bake in the machine, the spilled flour in the bottom never burns so you don't have to try and clean it out every time (or ever…).

Bread freezes great, especially if still slightly warm.  Pull out rolls one at a time for lunch and thaw on the counter or in the microwave.  Freeze whole loaves and warm in the over for that 'fresh baked' taste. Add whatever 'healthy' or diet specific ingredients you want and leave out whatever you don't want/need.  When working with dough, a little no-stick cooking spray on the counter and hands makes handling easy (forget the mess with flouring everything!).  Search the interweb for fun, tasty, and creative recipes.

Have fun!

pseudo-sesame chicken and bogus lo mein

I was once a great fan of the ubiquitous American Chinese Buffet, most especially the sesame chicken and lo mein but alas, after years of denial and conflict, I must admit that my gastrointestinal system has won the argument and I cannot consume my favorite provender without paying for it for days afterwards in the form of a vengeful tummy that refuses to be mollified.  I am not sure what the secret ingredient is that upsets my 'inner peace,' but it does not seem to matter what I eat or avoid or which restaurant I choose, the results are the same so I have had to raise the white flag and go home craving yet never satisfied, at least until I tried creating similar tastes at home with mixed results.  I have tried many recipes and concoctions of my own imaginings but have been mostly dissatisfied (but at least neutral on the gastric front).  Finally, I think I came up with something that tastes like the real thing (albeit not deep fried as I also have issues with certain fried food), at least enough for my taste, but then I may just be desperate!

You will need:

raw chicken breast (the following amounts are based on 1 pound of chicken, adjust the amounts as necessary, I use the prepackaged frozen 10-15% added broth variety but you can use whatever you prefer, you just may need to add water or broth to the sauce)

1/8 cup vinegar
1/4 cup brown sugar or honey
1/4 teriyaki sauce
1 1/2 tsp sesame oil
1/4 tsp garlic powder
a dash of black pepper

optional: 1/4 cup each chopped sweet pepper and onion, 1 tsp toasted sesame seeds

1/2 bag frozen carrots (or vegetable of choice)

1 tbsp corn starch dissolved in 1/3 cup cold water

1/2 pound spaghetti noodles (use whole wheat if being healthy)

optional: more teriyaki sauce, garlic powder, and sesame oil for the noodles

How to make it:

Mix the sauce ingredients (vinegar et al), add sautéed peppers, onions, and sesame seeds if desired.  Stir and allow to sit 5 minutes while chopping the raw chicken into bite sized pieces.  Add chicken, cover, and allow to marinate in the fridge for at least 20 minutes (longer is better, consider all day or even overnight).  Once the chicken has finished soaking, pour the whole works into a medium saucepan and add the veggies, cover, simmer, stirring occasionally until the chicken is cooked through and the veggies are tender.  Add the cornstarch mixture, stir, and continue cooking until mixture thickens.  Meanwhile, boil the noodles, drain.  You can mix the sauce/chicken with the noodles or season to taste and serve on the side.

Fad or revolution?

My husband has a book he got somewhere that I think has the best title ever though I've never read it.  I think it deals with the moral decline of western culture and society's apathy towards said decline, but that is completely irrelevant to this post, rather the title: 'Slouching Towards Gomorrah,' is a great description of life lately, at least the physical part of it.  I left a rather active job to enter the home-isphere and this combined with the advent of winter curtailed much, if not all of my physical activity.  I joke that a toddler is a 'complete home gym,' what with all the running around, picking up, etc. but that is not quite true.  I just realized the other day that I am getting older (birthdays are not so much fun when one is past the first third of their fourth decade) and theoretically one's physical self does not get any better from here on out; things basically fall apart.  I'm not fat but neither am I lacking insulation and said insulation gets a little more prominent every year.  Almost anything one reads involving any human medical condition, it seems a good diet and exercise are just about cure-alls and one might perhaps live forever, or at least not die like an old car: slowly falling to pieces.  But how to stay fit when one is pressed for time, money, equipment, compassionate weather, access to a gym facility, interest, and ability?  Easy!  Go crazy!

Yes, you read that right.  I have gone bananas, at least anyone might think so if they saw me bouncing around the house a few minutes ago.  I get bored easily so need some sort of interesting, involved exercise routine.  I absolutely refuse to run on a human hamster wheel (aka a treadmill, stationary bike, etc.) which rules out the local 'gym;' the same goes for exercise tapes and stationary exercise (weights, sit ups, I just get bored!).  I love racquetball but there isn't a court within 80 miles, the same goes for an indoor pool and swimming.  The weather makes hiking, biking, and even skiing (cross country) difficult if not impossible (subzero temps, lots of (very uneven and crusty) snow, and plenty of wind).  So I am stuck in the house with a toddler, don't like 'indoor exercise,' so now what?  How about turn your house into a circuit training course?  Crazy?  Yep, but fun and maybe even effective.  So put on some comfortable (and hopefully funky) clothes, play some snappy music, and get the kids involved (my toddler thought this was great, mommy was acting like him!).  You don't need anything fancy, just use your imagination and whatever you literally have lying around the house.

Basically, you do a circuit of the interior of the house (stairs are a plus) at a fast walk or a jog (if you are into that sort of thing).  Try to throw in a random bunch of activities to add variety, interest, and challenge.  Jump rope in the kitchen, sprint around the basement, do jumping jacks in the nursery (not if the baby is sleeping), set up an obstacle course in the living room (shouldn't be hard if you have a small kid and the requisite toys, it is probably one already), do curls with a 5 pound bag of sugar or weight while walking backwards around the den, do wall pushups in the office, sit-ups on the bed in your room, whatever!  Just move and keep moving, do a small number of repetitions of each activity (say 30 seconds of jumping rope or 10 sit-ups) each time you enter a certain room or pass a certain area and repeat the circuit several times.  Adjust the activities to suit your mood, interest, health, stamina, needs, etc. and add more challenge as you gain proficiency (real pushup, 15 reps instead of 10, jog instead of walk).  So I have survived one day, we will see if it sticks or not.  But I actually feel pretty energized and excited afterwards so who knows!  Don't forget to do some stretching afterwards (and before hand too once you get a little warmed up), keep hydrated, and use common sense (87 reps of lifting a 100# weight with a heart condition is a bad idea).  Now I just have to eat better…if only I could get this excited about vegetables.

On weird friends

Most of this motley crew has been hanging about for some time, a few I know where they come from, the others who knows?  He's ignored them for the most part, until very recently when he's decided to take them all into his confidence.  For a long time it was only a bedraggled cat, a once respectable feline  who slowly went to pieces after their friendship began.  Of late, his entourage includes an androgynous holstein, an overly emotional bloodhound, a chummy mongrel dog, and a cynical orange rhinoceros.  It is a strange bunch to say the least, but they make him happy so for now we will see what comes of it.  At least he has decided that he can pull them a round in his wagon rather than trying to carry them all (plus a dingy yellow blanket) all over the house.  They are quiet and don't eat much, the one dog is maybe a little sappy and that rhino just looks grumpy, but I doubt they'll be a bad influence on his social and moral development.  Thankfully at this age his friends are all stuffed!

Death in the pot?

I have always gotten a kick out of this passage, this is what happens when men try to cook!


39 So one went out into the field to gather herbs, and found a wild vine, and gathered from it a lapful of wild gourds, and came and sliced them into the pot of stew, though they did not know what they were. 40 Then they served it to the men to eat. Now it happened, as they were eating the stew, that they cried out and said, “Man of God, there is death in the pot!” And they could not eat it.  41 So he said, “Then bring some flour.” And he put it into the pot, and said, “Serve it to the people, that they may eat.” And there was nothing harmful in the pot. 2 Kings 4:39-41 (NKJV)


This is how my poor brain works (or doesn't), I was trying to find a name for whatever it was in the pot for supper tonight which brought to mind this random Bible passage! It was a hotdish of some species, but it was really good so I will torture you with the recipe. All the amounts are approximate as I cook by eye rather than by measure.

You will need:


1 pound chicken breast
1/4 cup chopped onion
1/4 cup ham
season to taste (I used black pepper, celery salt, and garlic powder)


1 can cream of mushroom soup
2 cubes chicken bouillon
1/2 pound frozen vegetable of choice (I used corn)
2-3 cups milk
2 Tbsp corn starch (dissolved in 1/4 cup cold water)
more seasoning to taste (black pepper and garlic powder)

1/2 cup parmesan cheese

8 ounces cooked spaghetti noodles


Cut the chicken breast and ham into bite size pieces, add onion and seasoning to the pot and cook through.While the chicken cooks, cook the noodles per package directions. When the chicken is no longer pink, add the soup etc. and cook over medium until thick and bubbly, add more liquid if needed so it is the consistency of thin gravy. Stir in the parmesan cheese and then drain the noodles and add to the pot.  Heat through and serve. No name, but nice flavor.