Some fads just make 'cents'

I must admit to one fad that lives on, at least at my house.  In my own defense, I will say that the bread machine craze that swept the US in the mid-1990's occurred when I was still a teenager, living at home,  and not really all that interested in nutrition, baking, or living on a budget so I was not involved with it personally all that much, save that my mother had one and made a loaf or two before the thing was put in some forgotten corner to collect dust.  I remember the department stores had a whole aisle of bread machines back then, much as they have coffee makers (and their high tech cousins) now.  But unlike 95% of bread machine owners, I use mine all the time.  I have not bought bread in years and I have actually worn one out.  Many home bakers use a stand mixer with a dough hook or even (gasp) do it by hand, but I love that I can throw everything in, set the dough cycle, and come back in an hour and have dough ready for whatever I had in mind.  The things are indispensable if you are interested in nutrition, baking, have food sensitivities or proclivities, just like home made bread, or want to try reducing your food budget.  You get to control all the ingredients and can make just about anything that uses a dough (not a batter!).  I have made pasta, croissants, pizza crust, pretzels, bread bowls, bagels, french bread, sour dough, buns, cinnamon rolls, flatbread…of course these all require varying ingredients and handling after the bread machine spits out your dough, but that is half the fun!  What follows will be just a short list of things I have learned over the years about what to do (and not) when it comes to these lovable creatures.

First, do not buy an expensive, state of the art bread machine.  I am on my second Sunbeam and still love the thing.  The pan wore out after 375,213 miles and it was almost as much to replace the pan as it was to get a new machine, so I got a new one.  Mechanically it was fine.  My mom has a 'smart' bread machine and I hate the thing.  I can't figure out how to use it and it just means there are more things to break.  It needs to knead the dough and maintain a moist/warm environment, not sing opera or dance the minuet.

Second, don't buy yeast in those little packets or even in the big jars at your local grocery store, rather get a giant bag (1# ) at a bulk food grocery store, Sam's club type store, or online.  I go through about one half to one pound per year so spend $7 once a year rather than $3-7 every 3 months.  Split it with another bread enthusiast if it is too much and remember you can freeze it.

Third, I rarely bake my bread in the machine, rather I set the dough cycle and bake it in the oven (or whatever I need to do with it, per the recipe).  I also never immerse the pan in water, rather I spot clean as needed.  Also, if you don't bake in the machine, the spilled flour in the bottom never burns so you don't have to try and clean it out every time (or ever…).

Bread freezes great, especially if still slightly warm.  Pull out rolls one at a time for lunch and thaw on the counter or in the microwave.  Freeze whole loaves and warm in the over for that 'fresh baked' taste. Add whatever 'healthy' or diet specific ingredients you want and leave out whatever you don't want/need.  When working with dough, a little no-stick cooking spray on the counter and hands makes handling easy (forget the mess with flouring everything!).  Search the interweb for fun, tasty, and creative recipes.

Have fun!

pseudo-sesame chicken and bogus lo mein

I was once a great fan of the ubiquitous American Chinese Buffet, most especially the sesame chicken and lo mein but alas, after years of denial and conflict, I must admit that my gastrointestinal system has won the argument and I cannot consume my favorite provender without paying for it for days afterwards in the form of a vengeful tummy that refuses to be mollified.  I am not sure what the secret ingredient is that upsets my 'inner peace,' but it does not seem to matter what I eat or avoid or which restaurant I choose, the results are the same so I have had to raise the white flag and go home craving yet never satisfied, at least until I tried creating similar tastes at home with mixed results.  I have tried many recipes and concoctions of my own imaginings but have been mostly dissatisfied (but at least neutral on the gastric front).  Finally, I think I came up with something that tastes like the real thing (albeit not deep fried as I also have issues with certain fried food), at least enough for my taste, but then I may just be desperate!

You will need:

raw chicken breast (the following amounts are based on 1 pound of chicken, adjust the amounts as necessary, I use the prepackaged frozen 10-15% added broth variety but you can use whatever you prefer, you just may need to add water or broth to the sauce)

1/8 cup vinegar
1/4 cup brown sugar or honey
1/4 teriyaki sauce
1 1/2 tsp sesame oil
1/4 tsp garlic powder
a dash of black pepper

optional: 1/4 cup each chopped sweet pepper and onion, 1 tsp toasted sesame seeds

1/2 bag frozen carrots (or vegetable of choice)

1 tbsp corn starch dissolved in 1/3 cup cold water

1/2 pound spaghetti noodles (use whole wheat if being healthy)

optional: more teriyaki sauce, garlic powder, and sesame oil for the noodles

How to make it:

Mix the sauce ingredients (vinegar et al), add sautéed peppers, onions, and sesame seeds if desired.  Stir and allow to sit 5 minutes while chopping the raw chicken into bite sized pieces.  Add chicken, cover, and allow to marinate in the fridge for at least 20 minutes (longer is better, consider all day or even overnight).  Once the chicken has finished soaking, pour the whole works into a medium saucepan and add the veggies, cover, simmer, stirring occasionally until the chicken is cooked through and the veggies are tender.  Add the cornstarch mixture, stir, and continue cooking until mixture thickens.  Meanwhile, boil the noodles, drain.  You can mix the sauce/chicken with the noodles or season to taste and serve on the side.

Fad or revolution?

My husband has a book he got somewhere that I think has the best title ever though I've never read it.  I think it deals with the moral decline of western culture and society's apathy towards said decline, but that is completely irrelevant to this post, rather the title: 'Slouching Towards Gomorrah,' is a great description of life lately, at least the physical part of it.  I left a rather active job to enter the home-isphere and this combined with the advent of winter curtailed much, if not all of my physical activity.  I joke that a toddler is a 'complete home gym,' what with all the running around, picking up, etc. but that is not quite true.  I just realized the other day that I am getting older (birthdays are not so much fun when one is past the first third of their fourth decade) and theoretically one's physical self does not get any better from here on out; things basically fall apart.  I'm not fat but neither am I lacking insulation and said insulation gets a little more prominent every year.  Almost anything one reads involving any human medical condition, it seems a good diet and exercise are just about cure-alls and one might perhaps live forever, or at least not die like an old car: slowly falling to pieces.  But how to stay fit when one is pressed for time, money, equipment, compassionate weather, access to a gym facility, interest, and ability?  Easy!  Go crazy!

Yes, you read that right.  I have gone bananas, at least anyone might think so if they saw me bouncing around the house a few minutes ago.  I get bored easily so need some sort of interesting, involved exercise routine.  I absolutely refuse to run on a human hamster wheel (aka a treadmill, stationary bike, etc.) which rules out the local 'gym;' the same goes for exercise tapes and stationary exercise (weights, sit ups, I just get bored!).  I love racquetball but there isn't a court within 80 miles, the same goes for an indoor pool and swimming.  The weather makes hiking, biking, and even skiing (cross country) difficult if not impossible (subzero temps, lots of (very uneven and crusty) snow, and plenty of wind).  So I am stuck in the house with a toddler, don't like 'indoor exercise,' so now what?  How about turn your house into a circuit training course?  Crazy?  Yep, but fun and maybe even effective.  So put on some comfortable (and hopefully funky) clothes, play some snappy music, and get the kids involved (my toddler thought this was great, mommy was acting like him!).  You don't need anything fancy, just use your imagination and whatever you literally have lying around the house.

Basically, you do a circuit of the interior of the house (stairs are a plus) at a fast walk or a jog (if you are into that sort of thing).  Try to throw in a random bunch of activities to add variety, interest, and challenge.  Jump rope in the kitchen, sprint around the basement, do jumping jacks in the nursery (not if the baby is sleeping), set up an obstacle course in the living room (shouldn't be hard if you have a small kid and the requisite toys, it is probably one already), do curls with a 5 pound bag of sugar or weight while walking backwards around the den, do wall pushups in the office, sit-ups on the bed in your room, whatever!  Just move and keep moving, do a small number of repetitions of each activity (say 30 seconds of jumping rope or 10 sit-ups) each time you enter a certain room or pass a certain area and repeat the circuit several times.  Adjust the activities to suit your mood, interest, health, stamina, needs, etc. and add more challenge as you gain proficiency (real pushup, 15 reps instead of 10, jog instead of walk).  So I have survived one day, we will see if it sticks or not.  But I actually feel pretty energized and excited afterwards so who knows!  Don't forget to do some stretching afterwards (and before hand too once you get a little warmed up), keep hydrated, and use common sense (87 reps of lifting a 100# weight with a heart condition is a bad idea).  Now I just have to eat better…if only I could get this excited about vegetables.

On weird friends

Most of this motley crew has been hanging about for some time, a few I know where they come from, the others who knows?  He's ignored them for the most part, until very recently when he's decided to take them all into his confidence.  For a long time it was only a bedraggled cat, a once respectable feline  who slowly went to pieces after their friendship began.  Of late, his entourage includes an androgynous holstein, an overly emotional bloodhound, a chummy mongrel dog, and a cynical orange rhinoceros.  It is a strange bunch to say the least, but they make him happy so for now we will see what comes of it.  At least he has decided that he can pull them a round in his wagon rather than trying to carry them all (plus a dingy yellow blanket) all over the house.  They are quiet and don't eat much, the one dog is maybe a little sappy and that rhino just looks grumpy, but I doubt they'll be a bad influence on his social and moral development.  Thankfully at this age his friends are all stuffed!

Death in the pot?

I have always gotten a kick out of this passage, this is what happens when men try to cook!


39 So one went out into the field to gather herbs, and found a wild vine, and gathered from it a lapful of wild gourds, and came and sliced them into the pot of stew, though they did not know what they were. 40 Then they served it to the men to eat. Now it happened, as they were eating the stew, that they cried out and said, “Man of God, there is death in the pot!” And they could not eat it.  41 So he said, “Then bring some flour.” And he put it into the pot, and said, “Serve it to the people, that they may eat.” And there was nothing harmful in the pot. 2 Kings 4:39-41 (NKJV)


This is how my poor brain works (or doesn't), I was trying to find a name for whatever it was in the pot for supper tonight which brought to mind this random Bible passage! It was a hotdish of some species, but it was really good so I will torture you with the recipe. All the amounts are approximate as I cook by eye rather than by measure.

You will need:


1 pound chicken breast
1/4 cup chopped onion
1/4 cup ham
season to taste (I used black pepper, celery salt, and garlic powder)


1 can cream of mushroom soup
2 cubes chicken bouillon
1/2 pound frozen vegetable of choice (I used corn)
2-3 cups milk
2 Tbsp corn starch (dissolved in 1/4 cup cold water)
more seasoning to taste (black pepper and garlic powder)

1/2 cup parmesan cheese

8 ounces cooked spaghetti noodles


Cut the chicken breast and ham into bite size pieces, add onion and seasoning to the pot and cook through.While the chicken cooks, cook the noodles per package directions. When the chicken is no longer pink, add the soup etc. and cook over medium until thick and bubbly, add more liquid if needed so it is the consistency of thin gravy. Stir in the parmesan cheese and then drain the noodles and add to the pot.  Heat through and serve. No name, but nice flavor.

Neither a crafter nor an entomologist be

I am not crafty, I made a quilt once and it took me 20 years; I won't live long enough to complete another one.  In my youth I fancied myself an entomologist (one of those strange people with an affinity for bugs) and I still have a bug collection buried somewhere in the basement.  I have always liked the look of a small insect collection or a marvelous butterfly specimen displayed on a wall but have never quite figured out how to make it happen.  My poor collection has suffered mold, dermestid beetle invasion (yes, cannibalism: beetles eating beetles), and physical trauma during a move which will give you some idea of how fragile and vulnerable these preserved insects can be, that and direct light exposure is a great way to fade your butterflies.  So how do you get 'the look' without destroying your collection (or having your house smell like the mothballs which are used to protect against the aforementioned beetles)?

Behold!:

Impressive, and it did not even require days in the field to capture these beauties or painstaking hours mounting them.  And yes, I am aware that the monarch is the size of a small moth and that the species represented are not all native to the same continent or exactly the right color, but scientific accuracy aside, it was really easy and the results are rather impressive.  And I didn't even have to kill anything which strangely gets harder as I get older and have more use for a camera than a net.  So if you want your own five minute bug collection, here is the recipe:

Ingredients:

One shadow box
One set of butterfly decals

Mix thoroughly and enjoy!

Attack of the Frunkies?

As promised, here is the first of what may be many recipes posted on this blog.  All such recipes will be tasty, fairly easy, and use stuff readily available even in the hinterlands (I once looked at a recipe in a famous Orange Cookbook and discovered the only requisite ingredients in my pantry were salt, pepper, and oil (but only if one was willing to substitute plain salt for sea salt and vegetable oil for olive)), and on rare occasions they may even be good for you!  This recipe is not good for you at all but tastes great.      The proper scientific name is apparently something akin to 'Frunkies' or some such, but whatever the nomenclature, they are easy and really good.  Think of it as a 'special K bar' made with fritos.

You will need:

• 1 cup white sugar
• 1 cup corn syrup
• 1 cup peanut butter
• 1 10oz bag frito corn chips
• 1 cup chocolate chips

Grease a 9x13 pan and pour in the corn chips, set aside.  Combine the sugar and syrup in a sauce pan and bring to a boil, remove from heat and stir in the peanut butter until smooth.  Pour mixture over corn chips and stir to coat evenly.  Melt the chocolate chips and drizzle over the corn chip concoction.  Allow to cool completely (if possible!) then break into pieces and enjoy.

They taste much better than the name implies, someone really needs to come up with a new moniker!