When it comes to family, I'm still an amateur. I grew up in a fractured, abusive home and had little conception of what a normal, healthy marriage or family looked like until I was in the middle of my own. Enter the in-laws, a concept that has frustrated and confounded people since the Dawn of Time. I always dread a visit either to their house or them to ours, but am still trying to figure out why. Usually I love company, and they aren't bad people, but for some reason I dread the very thought of our next interlude. I think I've finally figured out the mystery, at least in my own case, I'm afraid most everyone else will have to unravel their own enigma for themselves.
When they see my son, their only grandchild, they fall upon him like ancient pagans their god. They wrest control from us, his parents, and place it lovingly at his feet. Not only does this turn the social order of our house upside down, but it also nicely divides our little family into them and us. We follow my son from room to room (and as a toddler, he is a perfect little dictator) as some sort of entourage, with them oohing and cooing adulation with every breath he takes. We could sit in the living room by ourselves and let them do their thing, but that seems quite antisocial. They were fine before the grandson came along, we could actually have a conversation and they took some interest in our lives, but now, he is the reason they live and any interference with that is met with complaints of how intolerant and insensitive we are to their feelings, how little they get to see him...
As an abused kid without a real family, I've come to adore quiet, happy family life, and I resent when other people come in and upset the proverbial apple cart. Why can't they be part of our family, join the harmonious whole, rather than divide and conquer? I lived my whole life with an 'us versus them' mentality when it came to family life and I hate seeing it take root anew in my own little nest, I feel a stranger in my own house. Grandma went so far as to say that it is 'her right to coddle…' Wait a second! We are the parents, stop right there! You have no rights save those we grant you. I am unwittingly forfeiting control to her as much as they willingly forfeit it to the conquistador of their hearts and reason! But he is not in charge, nor is she, I am! Too bad you can't put the in-laws in time out…maybe things will be a little better once I figure out I'm not a doormat and my feelings matter too, albeit it must be done in a respectful and thoughtful manner so as not to hurt them or drive a wedge between us, but somebody needs to be the adult.
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