The Professional Mom

As you might be aware, we had a wonderful baby girl join our family rather unexpectedly six weeks ago, getting notice the day she was born and bringing her home two days later.  We flew to Boston and back with a 2 week old infant and survived.  The next already scheduled, too late to cancel item on the to-do list was a professional conference to fulfill my continuing education requirements for licensure.  Can you even bring an infant to a professional conference?  As a pastor's wife, I was used to seeing the new moms in back with their tiny children at various ministry events but this was the professional world, certainly not as family friendly as your average women's conference!  There was nothing saying that she couldn't come but there were no guidelines saying she could.  So I decided to risk it, at least if it was okay with the lady I was staying with, she gave the okay so I tried it.

I remember some of the larger conferences providing day care, nursing facilities, and changing rooms for moms with small kids so at least there was some expectation of family needs at something of the sort.  If this was a first child or she was a fussy baby, I'm not sure it would work, or even if she was a bit older and didn't sleep the majority of the time it might have been awkward, but as she settles down the second you stick a bottle in her mouth, she did phenomenal.  She was also a pretty good plus one, as I'm pretty socially inept when I don't know anybody but a baby is an easy conversation starter with just about anyone.  I even managed to learn as much as usual.  I wasn't the only one with a small child or two in tow either.  I think it is actually quite doable with the right child and the proper planning and consideration for others (they are paying good money to be there, they didn't come to hear a screaming child).

We sat in back, ready to flee the room the moment the baby started to fuss inconsolably (she didn't).  I was prepared for all eventualities (bottle ready, pacifier, car seat for naps, blanket topped empty chair for stretching out/tummy time, baby carrier for hands free 'I need to be held' time).  I got there early and left last to avoid crowding and to set up/break camp.  Everything was lecture style in a hotel conference room so it was easy enough to just sit and listen/jot down notes, but this really would have been a horrible idea had we been actually doing anything active (nothing like sticking your arm up a cow's butt while wearing a baby!) or been moving around much.  Also consider the venue: an adult only resort, a boat, or third world nation would not have been a good idea.  We also skipped most of the social functions (an 8 hour day was long enough for the poor kid, staying up until one at the bar fraternizing afterwards would have been pure misery!).

Things not to make at home

I love baking, cooking, and the related arts (explosions, fire, smoke, visits from the local firefighters or those nice people from the Health Department, food poisoning...).  If you can buy it in a store, you can probably make it at home with a little trouble and creativity (and google), this is a great option for the health conscious, those who love the culinary arts, those with allergies, or those looking to save a little bit on groceries, but there are definitely a few things I've discovered that are best left to the experts.  Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.  I can certainly remove large, nasty tumors from a variety of mammalian species but doing that to myself would not be considered wise.  There's nothing wrong with attempting just about anything food-wise at home however (though it does occasionally involve sharp pointy objects and heat producing implements) and if you are the adventurous sort, want a challenge, or a fun family project, by all means give it a try, but here are a few things I've discovered are far more economical and less mess to just buy outright:

Tortillas: I've finally mastered the homemade tortilla but they are putzy and messy (though very tasty) and since they are really cheap in the store for very decent quality this is an easy one to buy by the 20 pack!

Wonton wrappers: see tortillas, they are cheap and really a mess to make.

Croissants: delicious but it takes 8 hours to make a dozen that are gone in 5 minutes, do the math!

Puff pastry dough: see croissants.

Most candy: candy is definitely an art I have not mastered, though I love microwave fudge variations but beyond that (i.e. taffy, caramels...) it might be better to leave this to a professional!  The constant stirring over a hot stove is a turn off as is the ease with which you can under cook or scorch it.

Jam: unless you have a very prolific tree or a large berry patch, between buying fruit and the mess, this can be an expensive disaster.

Narrow pasta: I make lasagna noodles all the time, but fettuccine gets a little tedious, unless you have one of those machines.

Lefse (or other ethnic specialties your grandmother from the Old Country did not personally teach you to make that will be eaten by someone else from the Old Country): I married a Norwegian, that doesn't mean I have the slightest idea of how to make (or inclination to make) a potato tortilla.  Don't even get me started on lutefisk (though krumkake is pretty easy and tasty).

Head cheese: go eat a hot dog, unless of course you need to use up that pig's head in your pantry!

I'm sure there are a bunch of things I'm missing, but that will get you started (or not, actually!).

Oven Roasted Corn on the Cob

Like sweet corn?  Go here and do what she says, you'll never boil corn again!  Very easy, no mess, great flavor, and so worth it!

Why didn't I think of that?

This is a rather ingenious way to defuse a situation that may lead to a tempestuous altercation and a whole lot more pain and misery in your relationship.  It is so simple, yet so brilliant, if only I had thought of it a decade ago!

Second time around

I think we are scaring potential parents (teachers, grandparents, babysitters, medical professionals, government officials...) witless.  From the warnings on every single plastic bag not to wear on your head to the drowning warnings on five gallon pails to the warning labels plastered all over the cute fabric that would otherwise cover the infant car seat to the poster warning that children are routinely smashed by large, falling appliances, one would think it is a miracle anyone survives infancy!  Yes, some care and provision must be taken with the most delicate amongst us, but do we need public service announcements warning against any and every freak accident that may assault us and our children at any moment?  When will they start putting a warning sign in your car that lights up every time you decide to go for a (decidedly risky) drive that auto accidents are a leading cause of death...?

But as a mom 2.0, it is actually amazing what won't kill your child.  All those freaks and fears that internet message boards and morbidly pessimistic great aunts have been warning us against for years really are okay.  I hopped on a plane (with the baby) two weeks after our second child was born (having had notice of her arrival the day she was born and leaving the hospital with her two days after that, talk about short notice!), a feat I hardly would have imagined possible with our first.

The stroller now lives in the garage instead of being hauled out of the closet every time we want to go for a walk.  A little diaper bag with feeding necessities and a diaper or two is enough for a quick jaunt across town (rather than the 75 diapers, 9 outfits, and 35 oz of formula we hauled around for our son's first outing).  The bottles get washed at least once a day (versus sterilized after every use) but are only rinsed and air dried between feedings.  She naps wherever it is convenient with the hustle and bustle of household noise and traffic and light going on, versus completely dark and silent in the nursery.  She's actually seen the sun a time or two and hasn't melted.  Generic formula hasn't killed her or even stunted her growth.  She can cry for 2 whole minutes without exploding.  A little regurg doesn't necessitate a bath and full wardrobe change for everyone involved.  Diaper pail?  That's what plastic shopping bags are for!  She has yet to stop breathing the moment I step out of the room or dare sleep.

It's kind of fun being an old hat at this, there is so much less worry that I can actually enjoy it this time around.  There also seems to be less unwanted advice from most quarters though there are a few sticklers who are convinced there is only one right way (their own) to raise children, but a 95% reduction is a vast improvement.  I should have had my second child first!