The Strange Heroism of the Intentionally Childless

I'm afraid 'intentionally childless' is going to be the next transgender movement.  I just finished reading an article (theoretically from a Christian perspective no less!) on why this very personal decision is quite justifiable, especially from a Biblical perspective.  There are many reasons to not have kids, don't get me wrong, I've been there, but this article wasn't talking about those of us not in a stable relationship, biologically incapable, carrying a lethal gene, or otherwise in a situation that makes childrearing/bearing difficult, impossible, or downright deadly.  It was talking about a couple in a situation wherein they could reasonably have a kid or six but they just don't want to.  And that's fine, everyone needs to make that decision for themselves, and I'd rather you didn't commit parenthood if you are so viscerally opposed to it, but when the authors of such articles wax long in trying to justify their decision, that's when it really gets weird, and rather embarrassing, especially in trying to get the Bible to back you up.

The pride in their decision, the disdain with which they view all others who might disagree with their choice, and the convoluted arguments made in support of their decision is what really puzzles me.  Make your decision and live with it, you aren't required to change anybody else's mind or gain their approval; you need to live with the consequences, but the decision is yours alone.  Why is there such a need to justify the decision to all and sundry, to get the rousing approval of society at large, unless we all know, deep down, that there is something a little selfish and wrong about it and we're trying to convince others so that in the end we can feel confident in the decision ourselves.  There's also something a little backwards about saying you are trying to save the world by not having kids, which is what the main argument in favor of intentional childlessness boils down to, that or someone just doesn't want to change their life/lifestyle to include the little buggers.  To the latter, all I'll say is have a great time.  To the former, have you truly thought this through?

Huge human population = destruction of the planet.  This is the environmental stewardship argument for childlessness, with the idea that having no kids will somehow shrink the burden on our overly stressed planet.  While on the surface it sounds all nice and green and eco-friendly, when all is said and done, the only thing that will die out is the idea behind it.  The best way to pass on your ideals (like environmental stewardship) is to pass them on to your kids, but since you don't have any, all those planet killers with three or four spawn apiece will multiply and ravage the planet in a few generations.

I'm too important/busy to have kids.  This seemed to be the intent of the article that inspired this post, arguing how most super heroes don't have kids because they are too busy saving the world, a job only they can do.  Reality, however argues otherwise.  Even the President of the US has kids.  Every Einstein and Pasteur in recored history had parents, if not a family too.  You are one of 7 billion people on the planet, whatever you can do, so can someone else, you might even be able to do it and have kids!  And who knows, maybe those kids might one day be important and busy people too!  Nobody is that important or irreplaceable, save perhaps the kids you'll never have.  That's the one thing you can do that nobody else can: create and raise a new and unique individual!

As for the Biblical support for the case, I'm still trying to find any.  I'm sure the apostles might have chosen celibacy rather than to endanger a family on their dangerous missions, but most moderns aren't counted among the 12 or willing to do likewise.  I don't think the ease of modern birth control is a Biblical reason to forgo children.  I can respect a person's choice not to get married or to have a celibate relationship therein if they feel very strongly upon this issue, but to cherry pick a verse here or there or use an obscure story as a general rule to justify your chosen lifestyle is a distortion of scripture and an insult to your listener's intelligence.

Either have kids or don't, but don't count yourself as victim or hero in making that decision.  It is your choice, as are the consequences, but don't twist logic, history, or facts simply to justify your choice.  The only person you need to convince is yourself!

Yes, Virginia, there are content and happy parents!

Wow, I can't believe I found this article in this modern day of proudly childfree couples wherein 'maternity' leave is now offered when you get a new hermit crab.  I used to read a certain snarky mommy blog as it humorously described the ups and downs of motherhood, but it has descended into nothing but a complaint forum for bitter mothers who miss the bar scene and have nothing better to do than run one another down and evangelize the liberal agenda.  I found it rather depressing and haven't gone back since.  It seems everywhere you look parenting and children are being bashed nowadays as the epitome of selfishness and vanity while would-be parents are cautioned that even one child will inevitably bankrupt one, destroy the planet, and one's social life, not necessarily in that order.  No wonder the birth rate is at an all time low in industrialized nations!

But there is hope out there, as the above article shows, we are not all crazy (those of us who are actually parents and actually find it a rewarding and enjoyable experience...most of the time!).  Take heart, moms and dads, there are still people just like you all over the world and you are doing the most important job there is: raising the next generation.  And hopefully we raise them with a little more sense than the current one!

Rebel with a lens

We are entering our second year as school age parents, our son is a first grader, and yet again I find myself rebelling against the ancient ritual of yearly school photos.  For the price of one of the lesser packages you could buy yourself a very decent used camera.  Even my arch nemesis the camera phone is becoming a legitimate means of taking decent photos.  A little practice, some trial and error, and a Pinterest account and you could take some very nice pictures for a fraction of the price and they'll probably be better quality as well.

One of the things that really bugs me is photos that are edited to the point of fantasy.  A little tweaking of light and shadows is fine and necessary, but unless you are a graphic artist making an original work, artistic license can be taken way too far, especially when the photos look fake.  When I was a kid it was actual film and what you got you got, and everyone got photographed in front of that drab gray background, but it looked like a natural photo, or as natural as you get in a portable studio setting.  My son's photo last year looked like a two dimensional cardboard cut out pasted on various cool backgrounds.  My husband was all excited about the one with the map on it (being a geography nut) until I reminded him that we weren't buying pictures for the background!

Instead, we took a family mini-trip out to one of our favorite spots and snapped a bunch of photos of not only the schoolboy but also of the entire family and we got a bunch of great shots and had a blast too.  It also showed him in his natural habitat looking like, well himself, rather than something with all the interest and expression of a passport photo.  Some kids take great shots for strangers, but mine gets about as excited and cooperative as if he were getting a mugshot done.  So we are countercultural and take our own school photos, it may not work for a lot of people, but for us it is actually one of the highlights of the new school year!