There is an amusing verse in Job that I was reminded of recently and I just had to go hunting for it. If you have read the story, you know it concerns a wealthy and righteous man who loses everything (health, family, wealth) but cannot fathom why. His friends come along and basically accuse him of some secret sin that has caused God's wrath to fall upon him as a just punishment and that if he would only repent, he would then be prosperous once more. Job is so completely frustrated with his friends' pathetic attempt to help him that he says, "oh, that you would keep silent, for you it would be wisdom (Job 13:5 ESV)." I ran across another amusingly sarcastic response in looking for this verse (I can never remember it when I need it) in which Job says, "doubtless you are the only people that matter and wisdom will die with you (Job 12:2 NIV)!" I would like to try one of these responses on occasion (but can only remember them long afterwards and am not snarky enough to say it to their face) when people say something either without thinking or in thinking they know what is best when they have no idea what is going on (a classic 'Job's Counselor' as it were).
The occasion that prompted my recent search involved a gentlemen seated at the same table as my husband and I at a dinner gathering for a sectional event. We were all strangers and were exchanging the usual pleasantries when the man discovered I have too much education to be wasting my time at home raising kids. I was rather irked by his comments, as if I were the first person on the planet to 'waste' my education or rather not be using it every minute of my existence. As if the skills and knowledge I have gained suddenly vanish the minute I stop calling myself a professional and start answering to 'mommy.' Yes, my skills will atrophy if I do not put them to use on occasion and my knowledge will age if I do not keep up with the latest changes in the profession, but I plan to do both during my 'exile' and eventually going back to work full time will hopefully be an option. How many people have a degree in something other than their current profession? Many! How many get a degree and their circumstances change forcing them to use other skills than a BA in History? Can I be nothing but the letters behind my name? Is it a waste of time to spend the formative years with your children rather than farm them out to a third party that could care less about their feelings, personalities, and development? I know he said it in ignorance but it still really irked me, especially as it seemed that even with all that education I was not wise enough to decide what is best for me and mine! If I cannot figure that out, I better not be practicing medicine!
But then, my mother feels exactly the same way. Perhaps that is why it annoyed me so much. My mother has consistently criticized all of my decisions pertaining to marriage, family, and career even though I am very happy with my domestic/career situation whereas she has followed her own advice and is, I think rather lonely and miserable. It hurts to never have her approval on anything and then to hear it from a stranger besides! So take heed from Job and and his friends, be cautious in giving people advice about their lives/problems unless they specifically ask for it. Job's friends did a wonderful job sitting with him, comforting him, mourning with him, until they went and opened their mouths and ruined everything. Our modern idea is to 'fix' everything immediately, after all there must be an app for it or the answer can be found by googling it. Rather, what we need is someone to listen, to offer a comforting presence, and not give solutions or judgements unless asked their opinion on the matter. There is often wisdom in silence.
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