I was not planning to buy peaches, but the sign intrigued me. On a placard bearing the words, 'red tag special,' they advertised that Listeria laced peaches were not available. I was appalled, this could not be happening! This is America, we do not have shortages like this! It is in the Constitution or something, didn't we fight a war with Britain over tea? What will this do to world peace and stability? I was aghast, no peaches? I am sure I have a recipe somewhere for peaches ala listeriosis…now that I knew I couldn't have them I knew that I must have them…I need them! This is an outrage! Just wait until social media finds out…I will write the president…the marines...
Yes, I am being utterly ridiculous again, but this poorly worded sign amused me no end. I have no wish to consume peaches contaminated with Listeria monocytogenes and risk illness thereby, but the sign literally made it sound as if they were apologizing that said tainted fruit was unavailable rather than that it was unavailable due to recall because it was tainted! This is why good grammar is important, lest you disappoint your customers that they have missed their opportunity to own their very own tainted fruit rather than saying that you are out of peaches but their health will not be imperiled thereby. So go hug an English Teacher (I suppose they are called something like Language Arts teachers these days, don't ask me what the modern day equivalent of Home Ec. is) for one might have saved your life!
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