I was once a bright eyed and bushy tailed co-ed (that's a college student for you bairns); I served an eight year sentence, so I think I have a little insight into this matter. My first year out in the 'real world' was rather a surprise, as it seemed everything I had learned was of little practical use. One professor told me I would never actually touch a cow, but rather everything would be done on the computer, let me tell you I have since touched a lot of cows but have actually used computers very little in day to day practice. Having reverted to a real life person since my transition, I often forget the disconnect between academia and reality. I was reminded of this just the other day. The main problem is that people who go on to teach at the university often have very little experience in the real world. They go from college student to grad student to professor without ever having worked a day in their field outside the ivory tower, thus their only experience with 'real life' is read about in textbooks, scientific papers, and heard in lectures.
We are slogging through the adoption process once more, and our social worker is a bright eyed chipper little thing with a good head on her shoulders, at least it seemed so during our home study, but she is young, just out of school, and has never been married or had a family, which is in no way a bad thing, we all start out that way, but when dealing with this particular issue, it does make quite a difference in your perspective of things. The initial interview went well and was far less gruesome than our original home study for our first adoption which was with a middle aged grandmother who knew a thing or two about life. She returned to the office and then asked to do a phone interview a week later as she had some follow-up questions. I wonder if she didn't go back and find her copy of 'Vital Questions to Ask Adoptive Families' or whatever handbook is used in such matters and discover she missed a few things some Ph.D in social work thinks are of the utmost importance. The questions we answered on the phone made absolutely no sense at all!
She seemed rather surprised we had never taken parenting classes or had marital counseling, as if everyone who is married or a parent should be involving themselves in such activities. Personally, I am not sure I know anyone who has actually taken a parenting class (not a 'we're expecting a baby' class) and I thought marital counseling was for those with problems in their marriage, yes we've had our share of bumps but every marriage does! Then she basically asked how my husband could possibly be a good father since he has a job? Which I thought was a really odd question, since in most families someone has to work! I think she was trying to discern how he interacted with his son when he was home, but it was very poorly worded and now I can tease my poor husband indefinitely about the evils of a working father! Then there was the inevitable 'what will you do when he has his adoption induced paranoia attack?' Which I find fascinating, of all the things that can mess up a kid, being adopted as an infant into a home with loving parents does not make the top of my list. Yes, it is an issue he will have to live with and address, but he has two parents, does not live in poverty, has both love and discipline, and should have a pretty 'normal' childhood whereas I know far too many biological children who don't know who their father is, that are neglected physically or emotionally, are abused, have parents who are more interested in their 'fun' than in their families, etc. Of all the evils incumbent in childrearing, this one is rather minor in the grand scheme of things. We managed to satisfy the academically required frivolities and got a rough draft of our home study to peruse.
I was quite astonished to discover my son is hard to parent and we are struggling with his 'strong will.' He is very strong willed, but he is not hard to parent, if you know how to go about it. What he needs is a choice, so he gets to decide whether he eats his dinner and gets dessert or he can refuse to eat dinner and forgo dessert entirely. He might be hungry, but he got to make his choice which is what is important to him. I think you hear the word 'strong willed' and immediately assume disobedient, stubborn, and intractable, whereas it is actually just a character trait that you must learn to deal with like any other. He's a very attentive, intelligent, and obedient little boy but when he wants to argue about something, he won't give in so you give him the options and let him decide. But some of this stuff you just need to figure out on your own, I had no clue until we actually became parents! So we just smile and nod and try not to laugh until we are alone, and know that time and experience are the best teachers, not some guy with lots of letters after his name.
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