I am never having kids! I guess it is a little too late for that in my case, but after reading a certain snarky mommy website I can only conclude the little vermin utterly destroy your life. Yes, there were a few authors who waxed eloquent about the joys and wonder of motherhood, but mostly the writers focused on the mess, the noise, the chaos, the disruption to one's social life, and the expense. It reminded me of my worst days babysitting, no wonder birth rates are declining in the civilized world! But it also gave me pause: I have a toddler and my life isn't like that. So is my kid/life weird or is something else amiss here? Since an N of one is not scientifically viable, I expanded my study population to include the kids in our church, the kids I babysat growing up, and the kids in our Wednesday night program. Looking at the majority of those kids (and their behavior in a public venue), I begin to see where these moms are finding their angst with motherhood. So what is the problem? Are kids in general crazed maniacs (and they all are at times) or is there something about modern parenting that has unhinged our youngsters?
I think it is the latter. One article stated it quite well, though unintentionally, 'your kids are your boss.' It was an article on stay at home moms, but I think it sums up the problem well. The child should never be in charge, no wonder modern homes are a mess, and as one mother of my acquaintance recently remarked, "I can't imagine staying at home with my kids; I need day care!" I am not trying to find fault with daycare, stay at home or working moms, etc. we all do what we must to get by in this crazed age, rather I am aghast at the way we, in general, are raising the next generation. I know kids who are respectful, well mannered, listen, and are still happy and well adjusted. I have a toddler that I have no qualms about taking out in public, going shopping with, or taking on a 12 hour car trip while some of these moms can't even get a shower on a daily basis. This is not to say he does not have his moments, he is three after all, but he is not in charge, he knows it, and he is content and happy in such a circumstance. And no, he is not a push over with no opinions of his own, he is certainly 'strong willed,' and stubborn to a fault, but he also knows what is expected of him and the consequences should he do otherwise.
But then, is it fair to expect our kids to be well behaved when their parents are not? It is scary how much my son picks up by watching and listening to those around him, and yes, he finds all sorts of novel ways to be naughty after spending time with other kids, but he soon learns that that is not how life works around here and he is soon enough back to 'normal.' If your home life is a disaster (and from some of what those moms wrote, it is obvious they are), then you can't expect your kids to turn out much differently. If you are constantly yelling, swearing, being disrespectful to others, being mean, ignoring what is said, then that is exactly what your little one is going to do. Maybe if we want happy, well-behaved kids, we first need to look in the mirror. The old adage, 'monkey see, monkey do,' is quite appropriate here.
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