Immortal fish

Have you ever owned rent-a-fish?  That's what I used to dub the unhealthy, soon to die, fish you bought at the local giganto-box-store with their 90 day return policy.  I wouldn't recommend buying fish there if you want a happy tank, but as I lived 45 miles from anywhere and they were the only place open and selling fish at the time and day I was in town, and with their ludicrous return policy, why not?  So I'd buy a fish, it would die 2 weeks later, I'd stick it in the freezer (you had to take the dead fish back!), and go get a replacement (I also had a small tank, so I didn't have a whole community to infest with disease).

Now I live 80 miles from anywhere.  After the last fish died, I decided I wanted to try jellyfish.  Yes, jellyfish, in my five gallon freshwater tank.  Silicone jellyfish.  They won't die, they are immortal!  And at $2 a pop (including shipping) on Amazon, they are cheaper than most of my rent-a-fish and I don't have dead aquatic life in my freezer.  Who knows?  Maybe I am just talented enough to kill them too?

Queen of Socks

"Her home and her housekeeping, her parish and her poultry, 

and all their dependent concerns, had not yet lost their charms."  

~Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice~

I was rereading Pride and Prejudice the other day and ran across this little gem, referring to Charlotte's contentment in her situation as Mrs. Collins, even with such a husband.  Thankfully, I did not marry a man like Mr. Collins, but as a former apartment dwelling career woman turned mother, pastor's wife, and domestic diva, I certainly find this quote fascinating.  I was a tad nervous (nay terrified) to become a stay-at-home mother, imagining the drudgery of being trapped at home day and night with screaming, ill-behaved micro-ruffians with never a moment's peace, but as with many things in this life, I was gravely mistaken.  I have never had more fun, been more content, or felt more at peace with myself and my situation.

Modern society turns up its nose at the domestic arts, declaring vehemently that no self-respecting woman should be forced to mop floors and wipe noses nor would any sensible woman choose such a fate.  That is why they invented day care, take out, and cleaning services!  You work insane hours so you can afford to pay someone else to attend to all the tedious chores of simply staying alive.  That really makes very little sense if you think about it.  Why work yourself to death for the privilege of paying someone else to raise your kids and cook your meals and wash your socks?  Where is the living and life in that?  There may be very little glory in washing socks, but they're my socks and I washed them and only lost 3!  That's an accomplishment, isn't it?  Can you imagine my resume?  

It is amazing how attitudes have shifted, what once was a staple of any society: a woman running and managing the household, has become a thing to be wondered at.  Women have been the CEOs of their own homes since the dawn of time, and it is to their dedicated service that most societies owed their thriving and success.  They raised all the leaders and soldiers and craftsmen and philosophers, not to mention managed the affairs of their household so successfully that their husbands could attend to business and matters of state without worrying that their own personal interests would disintegrate without them.  These unsung heroes have been the cornerstone of society for generation upon generation, it is only in the modern world that we scoff at the very foundations of our life and prosperity, and the results are not hard to see.  Our families are falling apart, virtue is nonexistent, the stress and hecticness of our lives is unrivaled in history, and no one seems the happier for it, cynicism, discontent, and depression are rampant.

Like the prodigal son, our entire society has left home intent on pleasure and success, but as soon as our money runs out, so do our friends and fun, leaving us to wonder whyever we left home in the first place.  Kingdoms rise and fall, but home and family have always been the cornerstone of society and civilization and will ever be so while this world lasts.  And being a Queen of Socks is a vital role indeed!

Life Lessons from the Adoption Trenches

If you are an adoptive parent, or are thinking about taking the plunge, there are no doubt a few things this unique life experience will soon teach you that weren't mentioned in the instruction manual, if there is such a thing.  You've heard the horror stories (then they took the child away...) and the miracles (they were on the waiting list like three minutes!) and the complete nonsense (now that you're on the waiting list, you'll definitely get pregnant!), but still you have no idea what you are in for until you've lived through it, and everyone's experience is different, even if they've adopted more than once.  But here are a few strange truths most adoptive parents discover along the way:

• People really do mean well, even if they are nosy, ignorant, and have no concept of tact, at least most of them do.  I am not sure which is worse: people that think they know everything about adoption because they know someone who has adopted or they read an article once or the people that ask really awkward questions, loudly, in front of 57 strangers.  Your entire life story and that of your kids is now fair game to any and all comers, at least as far as they are concerned.  And just wait until you start getting advice about every aspect of the process and even parenting tips from people who have never adopted or even had kids.  Just think of it as another exercise in patience and a chance to develop your social skills on the topic, just try not to physically hurt anyone.

• No matter what you tell them, there are just some people that will never 'get it,' and insist that their ideas, opinions, or stories hold water, even if they have no basis in reality or applicability to your situation.  Don't waste your time or frustration on these people, just smile and nod then change the subject or find a convenient excuse to leave the situation.  Then go home and have a good laugh.

• You may feel like a criminal, a scoundrel, or have an overwhelming sense of guilt; for some weird reason, adoptive parents are sometimes viewed and occasionally treated, I hope unwittingly, by certain individuals, as if they lingered on the shady side of virtue.  How dare you 'take' a child away from its real parents!  You are not a kidnapper, no matter how that grumpy nurse or overly zealous social worker make you feel.  While the circumstances surrounding the adoption, whatever they be, that sunder a child from its biological parents are certainly grievous and sad, they are by no means your fault or illegal and no one should be making you feel that they are.

• You feel like you could work for the FBI or some other top secret agency after all the paper work, interviews, and background checks.  You really begin to wonder why everyone else can just go to the hospital, pop out a kid, and go home, no questions asked and why you still have to stand in line at the airport in your stocking feet after all that?  Shouldn't you at least get a card that says 'All Clear' or some such?

• Social workers are human too, and most of them are not out to destroy your chances of parenthood.  And yes, they will undoubtedly find something questionable in your life history that will make them question your fitness for parenthood, but after enough remedial classes, counseling sessions, and reading assignments, you just might make the cut, maybe, I hope…relax, you'll be fine.  Just try to relax and get through the home study, which is about like saying 'relax' to the person about to undergo a colonoscopy.  They tend to be a jumpy lot, and rightfully so as they are responsible for placing a child in a new family, but they do tend to flinch and gape at things that most other people hardly notice.  Let's just say I never mentioned that our son slept in his carseat the first four months of life as he absolutely refused to sleep in his crib.  Had he been our biological child, it would be an amusing anecdote, but as a recently placed adoptive child, our social worker might very well have had a heart attack and we'd be reading a stack of books on SIDS and flat-head syndrome and none of us would get any sleep for the next four months, which is obviously the far better alternative.

• You will occasionally be jealous, frustrated, and feel sorry for yourself as you go through life, especially if you have suffered through infertility along the way, and nobody will understand.  You are not a horrible person, you are human.  Becoming a parent is a desire wired into your very soul and when you watch others, especially those who abuse or neglect their kids, do so with ease, such a reaction is quite natural.  This does not mean you should wallow in the sensation or allow it to influence your behavior for the worse, but it will happen.  Baby showers/announcements, expectant friends, the maternity section at your favorite store, Mother's/Father's Day, any holiday except Groundhog's Day, stories about abused/neglected kids, unhelpful comments from friends/family/strangers, did I mention Gender Reveal Parties?, and a plethora of other triggers all seemingly designed to ruin your mood/day are lurking just around the corner.  And while you learn to deal with the grief, even after you adopt, it will never quite go away.

• Wherever they came from, whatever their age, nationality, gender, or whatever, they are and will always be your kids and could be no dearer had you borne them yourself, even if it wasn't 'love at first sight,' which it never is.  Even when they 'hate' you and pine for their 'real' parents; every parent puts up with this, biological children just don't have the convenient option of flinging their birth parents in your face, but they'll find something else with which to batter your emotions.  Welcome to parenthood!

• No matter how awful, dreadful, tedious, and expensive, no matter how hard you swear it won't happen again, it just might.  This parent thing is kind of addictive.

Pigs and pearls

Do not give dogs what is sacred, neither cast your pearls before swine lest they trample them underfoot and then turn again and rend you.  Matthew 7:6.

I've never liked working with pigs, while they are intelligent and can be agreeable creatures when they choose to be, many of them have a nasty side and woe betide anyone caught in the pen with them at such a time.  They can become downright vicious, and some of the larger specimens can reach several hundred pounds or more in weight, most all of it muscle.  I was supposed to catch a little pig and treat some minor ailment, but he scooted away and dashed into a pen containing several large sows, which were barking at us in agitation, needless to say, the little pig made good on his escape as I was not about to go into the pen with those angry sows.  The verse above uses a very powerful metaphor, but it warns not of pigs, but of people.  Swine can only rend the flesh, people will break your heart.

This was a very hard lesson for me to learn, being by temperament very tender hearted and wanting to please everyone, which in my foolish idealistic head, I somehow thought possible!  But life has taught me otherwise.  Are we to be hard hearted and callous towards our fellow men?  Certainly not, but there comes a time when we need to quit doing everything we can to help or please someone who sees no reason to change their behavior and even throws your good intentions scornfully back in your face.  We must be wise with whom we entrust our hearts.