There is something of a debate about whether having your first child is harder or having your second and then having two kiddos to keep track of. But I disagree with both ideas, infants, especially your first, are rather life changing, but I don't believe that it is the hardest part of parenting. I get tired of people comparing parenting to having a dog. A baby is sort of like a dog in that you must attend to its most basic needs at the first and must guide and shape its behaviors and growth, but there the comparison ends. You can sell, kennel, or even kill your dog without legal ramifications for one thing. For another, you shape the dog's attitudes and behaviors, whether intentionally or not, and it becomes what you shaped it to be. There is some hard wired behavior, preferences, and individual quirks of course, but much of this can be shaped, guided, and influenced with proper training and environment. The same cannot be said of children.
The first five years were a breeze, feed him, change him, make sure he gets sleep and learns manners; we have aced this parenting thing! But then he became a person, a real person with his own opinions, ideas, fears, doubts, hopes, dreams, and ideas about how things should work. Some kids get it at two (the terrible twos!), some kids are born that way, some are late 'bloomers,' but they are all individuals and all unique persons and their will will eventually exert itself. A dog may be stubborn or slow about house training, but he won't sit there and argue with you, negotiate, manipulate, make excuses, break into tears, yell at you and otherwise try and convince you that his way is the only way to do something. It was rather a shock, literally overnight, that our usually compliant son decided he wanted to be in charge and do everything his way. Ugh! And I thought I was clueless when I brought him home from the hospital. Maybe boarding school is an option?
That's parenting. It's tough, it often isn't pretty, it is never easy, but I've never done anything so wonderful either. It means something. It will influence the world for generations to come. It can change the destiny of an immortal soul. It wrings your heart but fills it too. And it isn't just being a parent or spouse, it is any close, social interaction with our fellow men: an act of kindness, friendship, comrades in arms, teammates, a church family, school fellows... A dog just can't do that. Dogs are safe. Dogs are simple. They offer companionship and company and fun without the risks of heartbreak and sorrow that accompany all human relationships, yet neither can they fulfill you the way a great friendship or having a child can. They can make you momentarily happy but they won't give you Joy. You can love your dog and he you, but you can never know true Love save from another person. Relationships, especially parenting, are dangerous and hard, but nothing worth doing is ever easy. But to experience great Joy you must first walk through the dark and winding vale of Sorrow and Toil, leaving behind the safe and sunny suburbs of Me First. A dog will sit happily by your side wherever you abide, while the child will dart headlong into the swirling mists of uncertainty, demanding that you follow or abandon him to his fate. But the journey is well worth it, for there is no story else.
No comments:
Post a Comment