Malpractice of the soul

Wow, was this a timely article!  I just got my lab results back for a food sensitivity test and sat through the follow-up visit, it was dreadful.  The vet world is filled with articles on making practices more friendly for cats.  Why are human doctors so intent on making their patients feel like dirt?  I have never liked going to the doctor and I was still trying to figure out why.  I'm fine taking the kids, but when I'm the patient I have literally had panic attacks for no apparently good reason.  I think I begin to understand: they dehumanize you.  You are a number, a symptom, a dollar sign, nobody cares about you or your pathetic life, just make sure your numbers are good.  Yes, there are good doctors and nurses and staff out there, please forgive this diatribe, I know you are doing your best swimming against the current of modern medical practice, this is not about you; I am truly grateful to those of you that treat your patients like people, thank you!  Time and time again, at many different facilities and check-ups and procedures it has been the same.

Like the author of the above article, I was met with a grim doctor and his list of things I did wrong.  There was no concern about the possible underlying issues associated with this condition, say a lifetime of abuse and stress and a certain medication that had triggered it, and addressing that as well, nope, it was just 'here's a list of the supplements you'd better take and the food you need to avoid,' next!  But, but...nope, that's it just change everything about your lifestyle or you're a hopeless, useless jerk and it's your own fault.  Okay...walking dejectedly out the door feeling sort of 24601-ish, cue the music.  Did I mention the time I had a concussion and was walking dazedly about the parking lot in a large medical complex in the dead of winter after being told by 3 different departments that somebody else would deal with me?  Or how about the time it took me 6 months to fix a $100 coding error?  Or when they called me in a panic to say my cholesterol was high after I had been telling them that for weeks?  I can't wait until we get socialized medicine here in the states...just imagine your last visit to the social security office or the DMV or the IRS, and you still want socialized medicine?

An actually edible, wheat free pizza crust!

I've had stomach trouble for nearly a decade, a potluck or eating at a restaurant has taken on all the fun of 'Russian Roulette,' never knowing what will make me sick for days on end.  I finally took a blood test to see if we could figure out what I might be sensitive to (that's a whole other post!); it will be interesting to see how accurate this test is, a few things came back as okay which I know make me sick (like beef) and several things are really bad that I seem to tolerate (wheat!).  Wheat (not gluten) came back in the severe category, which is very sad as I am VERY fond of bread and baked goods.  Short of starving to death, I can't cut everything out of my diet, but of the main culprits, that would be the one I am most likely to be able to live without.  So I began sifting through recipes for wheat free alternatives.  I can survive with corn tortillas, rice, and potatoes, but it will be the bread I miss.  I have no interest in wheat free breads, I know it is possible, but it is really expensive and it just isn't the same, I'd rather go without than eat the 'fake stuff.'  I also am something of a Vega-phobe (I'm afraid of veggies) so the spiralized vegetables, spaghetti squash, and cauliflower-turned-pizza crust/pasta really won't do it for me either.  I can survive without toast, buns, bagels, and the like, but we eat a lot of pizza at our house and that's something I will miss.  Thus began the search for a wheat free, non-cauliflower pizza crust.

And happily I found one, and even my kids and even more Vega-phobe hubby will eat it.  Here's the original recipe.  Cheese and eggs, that's it, sorry vegans, there's nothing on this pizza for you, but that just means more cauliflower for you right, win win!  Mix 3 cups shredded cheese (I did 2 mozzarella and one colbyjack) with 3 eggs, spread thin on a well greased cookie pan, bake at 450 until brown on the edges and golden in the middle, add your toppings, and place under the broiler until toasty.  It's a little flimsy (you'll need a fork) but otherwise it is a very close approximation without resorting to cauliflower.  Enjoy!

Of moose and men

I'm puzzled about this current age we live in, at least in our civilized West.  Especially this summer as a person in the company of three off leash canines warned me severely not to allow my children to startle the moose ahead of us on the trail.  If one asked the moose, she could care less about the humans traipsing by and gawking at her but she was certainly unhappy about the dogs, of which there were many, but it was my children that earned the social commentary and not these freelance hounds.  I have oft wondered at the modern virtue of leashed children and free range chickens/off leash dogs.  Pigs and lab rats all need a certain amount of square footage allotted to them to make the vague masses, that have never encountered such a creature personally, to continue in vague indifference as to their existence, but happy in the thought that their needs are met and attended to.  These same vague masses are quite put out at the thought of having to deal with other people's annoying offspring, however.  Whereas a nameless pig or mouse or goldfish must have certain needs met or it is a moral crisis, the children of their fellow men must needs only remain conveniently out of sight and hearing, naught else matters.

I wonder what will happen on our upcoming flight this summer, when for vagaries known only to the intelligentsia behind airline ticketing, my two year old will likely be seated away from other members of her family.  Horses cannot legally be packed on a trailer but people can certainly be cramped onto the aerial variant of a cattle barge.  Heaven help us if the child should fuss or complain!  But then I am the right villain, purchasing those particular tickets as I did and thus inconveniencing everyone else!  And there is nothing so offensive to a modern mind as inconvenience.

There are all sorts of social platitudes about why kids can't run loose anymore, most dealing with safety, but in reality because the little buggers are inconvenient.  I have no moral qualms about free range chickens or off leash dogs, it just irks me that the same consideration is not given to juvenile humanity.  I'm not saying let them play in traffic or run loose at a crowded mall or get their sticky little hands all over the exhibit at the local museum, but why can't a 10 year old ride his bike around a small town or the twelve year old walk to the local park unsupervised?  We used to have neighborhoods and families and friends and neighbors and communities who would keep an eye on any such youngsters abroad, it was part of growing up, this partially supervised freedom, but it is no longer socially acceptable.  Society is too busy and self-absorbed to monitor the inconvenient next generation.  They need to be caged, kept on a leash, and otherwise supervised, except perhaps in the jungles of social media, wherein their privacy must be respected at all costs.  And that the unfortunate parents must deal with alone, as they deemed the little monsters worthy of keeping in the first place, let them deal with the problem and not inconvenience everyone else!

So it is we are cautioned not to disturb the moose with our irritating offspring, but everybody loves a dog, even a moose!  Save no one has bothered to ask the moose!

Blue birds of shabbiness?

When we first moved here, a dear lady gave me one of those little glass bluebirds as a gift and it meant the world to me.  Then one day I noticed it was dusty so I ran it under the water in the sink only to see all the blue go down the drain with the dust!  In days of yore, the glass itself was blue so you had no problems when you did such an innocent thing.  This one was clear with a shabby blue exterior that was water soluble!  In despair, I grabbed the sharpies, found a color that was close, and started scribbling.  It worked!  The thing is good as new and you can't tell it was fixed at home.  Now my little bird and I are both happy, though I will not be dusting the poor thing in that fashion again!