Chocolate Gluten Free Bundt cake!

 I haven't made many bundt cakes (anyone else thinking Big Fat Greek Wedding right now?) and I haven't found my chocolate gluten free cake yet, but this baby is awesome!  I did substitute homemade mayo for the sour cream as I can't do dairy and have no access to non-dairy dairy products out here in the hinterlands, and it was still wonderful.  I also found a site that recommended brushing the bundt pan with a neutral refined oil (canola, vegetable, corn...) and then shaking 1/3 cup sugar around and coating the entire inner surface, so as the cake bakes it gets a crispy, lacy sugar shell which really makes it shine.  I did cut the sugar in the recipe to 1 1/3 cups too, though it is still a little rich for my 'low sugar' diet...I'll just have to try and eat a smaller piece...yeah right!  Enjoy!

The third sign of the apocalypse?

 So I was at the store the other day and came across a meat-lovers frozen pizza that boasted vegan 'meat,' 'cheese,' and a gluten free crust, and instead of rejoicing that I had found a 'pizza' I could actually eat, I was rather confused.  Just for fun I googled reviews on the thing and found it was either the best thing ever or akin to eating plastic, and at $10 for a rather dismal serving size, I wasn't going to investigate further, no matter how curious.  Looking at the ingredients it was mostly tapioca starch and pea protein (crust, cheese, pepperoni, and sausage all!).  Frozen pizza in general is rather questionable, there are a few brands that are pretty good, but this looked like an el cheapo one wherein the box is actually more tasty, to say nothing of everything on it is fake but the sauce!  You can make a good gluten free pizza crust, I've done it, but I don't know if you can combine gluten free and frozen pizza and come up with something edible, to say nothing of the 'cheese' and 'meat.'

I've tried that brand of fake cheese, desperate to make an edible dairy free pizza at home, but it just isn't the same.  It sort of melts, but doesn't brown and certainly doesn't stretch, rather all I see, and taste!, are sad globs of tapioca starch all over my sad little pizza.  And since I gave up processed meats (good bye pepperoni and sausage) there's no point in even trying to eat pizza at all, but now I can eat the pea protein equivalent, ugh!  I really don't understand the logic behind this monstrosity (assuming there is any?).  I thought we were all about less processed stuff, real food, that sort of thing, but this is like eating an organic Oreo: what's the point?!  If you want to eat vegan or must, that is your choice and you have every right to eat whatever you want, but this?!  There are some really cool things you can do to fruits and vegetables to make them even more tasty and appetizing without torturing them into a shape and nature not their own.  What cheap hotdogs do to actual meat is what this catastrophe does to vegan fare!

I understand that longing for the comfort food of your youth, really, I do, giving up cheese due to a food sensitivity is one of the hardest things I've ever done, and unlike gluten or milk, I can't find a decent substitute and must adapt and learn to live without it, including real pizza; I'd rather go without than eat a horrible, and expensive, imitation with no nutritional value.  Maybe it is just that I have to make everything at home and have grown used to homemade quality, maybe if you eat el cheapo frozen pizza regularly this isn't much different (because those aren't real either!).  I used to love Kraft Mac and Cheese and stuff like that too, before necessity made me learn to make everything myself, and now I don't find any of it appetizing, which is a good thing, as then I won't drool all over my husband's frozen pizza when next we have pizza night (a decent brand!).  How is that for ironic?  I make a homemade gluten free pizza for my son and bake a regular frozen pizza for my husband and daughter, when I used to make it from scratch, but it gets kind of crowded and busy in my kitchen to make a regular wheat pizza, a gluten free pizza with real cheese, and a batch of gluten free bread sticks (with vegan butter and nutritional yeast) for me, I was starting to feel like a pizzeria so it was easy enough to buy a good quality frozen wheat pizza for half the family and worry about making homemade what must be homemade.

Why not have a veggie pizza with real veggies instead of a pizza with fake meat and fake cheese, at least the real veggies might salvage the fake cheese?  Why this urge to eat something fake just to feel like you are eating something real?  But perhaps it is only a reflection of our larger cultural moment, social media has corrupted our vision of everything, we can edit our lives to be whatever we want them to be, at least to the world's perception, so why not our diet?  I want to eat meat and cheese and pizza and bread, no matter my dietary restrictions or preferences, so that is what I am going to do, even if it is actually none of those things!  To think a pizza might cause one to pause and consider the larger questions of life!  Who are you? Why are you here?  Are you merely a perception of those around you, is that all that matters, or are you a real, authentic person when the camera is off and no one is around?  Are you a fake pizza or the real thing?  Don't be a sad blob of soggy tapioca starch atop the pizza of life, be a pepperoni or an olive or real cheese, whatever you are called to be!

What the experts say about probiotics!

I've been dealing with gut issues for over a decade now, it is probably best described as leaky gut syndrome with secondary fibromyalgia, IBS, and chronic fatigue that flare up whenever I eat the wrong things.  I did a blood food sensitivity test a few years back and have gradually been ridding the worst malefactors from my diet (as painful as that is!) and have been doing much better, the latest to go is too much sugar (of any variety, including honey, fruit juice, whatever) and as I have a major sweet tooth and can't tolerate the artificial sweeteners, well, it's been hard, but really worth it.  That being said, I've tried all sorts of things to help my beleaguered gut over the years, but I wanted to try probiotics again, because apparently they work miracles though I had tried some a long time ago and wasn't impressed.  I did my research and found one that was reasonably priced and was supposed to get live bugs into your small intestine (instead of getting killed by stomach acid like many are) and thought I was on my way.  I read the reviews, they were either amazing and changed your life or almost killed you, so I figured I didn't have much to lose, being mostly dead anyway.

A few weeks before I ordered my little bacterial friends I began to significantly increase the fiber and other prebiotics in my diet (all those crazy substances the little buggers love).  And as I did so, I began to feel better (this coincided with my sugar purge) and couldn't wait to see if the probiotic did its thing or not.  It came and I started slowly, a half capsule twice daily (recommended serving size was two whole capsules daily).  I didn't notice any magical side effects but neither did I get sick like some of the reviewers claimed.  I gradually got up to the full serving and nothing appreciable happened, at least initially, after about a week on the full dose I started feeling lousy again.  I stopped the probiotic and was magically better.  Then I started to do a little digging.  All we hear about is how magical and wonderful probiotics are, but is it just placebo effect?  I found an article on the American Gastroenterologist's Association page and was stunned, nobody ever mentions what the experts actually say.  If you don't want to read all the medical and scientific jargon, I'll boil it down for you: they found probiotics have not proved to be significantly beneficial in most cases of gastointestinal pathology.

And why did I and seemingly a significant number of reviewers of my probiotic of choice get sick?  It was pretty much a case of self-induced SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth).  You're dumping 40 billion live bacteria into your small intestine on a daily basis and the body responds as it would to food poisoning or any other massive invasion of intestinal pathogens: fever, malaise, lethargy, diarrhea, gas, cramping.  The product does exactly what it says, so I would rate the product as excellent, but I would carefully consider if it is wise to use the product in the first place.  Technically speaking, by changing your diet (less sugar, higher fiber) your gut bugs naturally adapt to the changed environment and you get more healthy gut flora without horking down half a hundred billion bugs a day.  Even 'good' bacteria, in high doses, can be a problem.  The answer isn't a pill but rather a lifestyle change: eat more whole grains, more fruits (with the skin!) and veggies (eat the peal), and cut back on the preservatives, processed stuff, sugar (even honey and maple syrup), cut the artificial sweeteners, cut the NSAIDS, get tested for food sensitivities and cut the major malefactors, exercise sensibly and minimize other gut irritants (alcohol, certain drugs...).

I just sat through a bovine nutrition seminar at a continuing education event and they were adamant that we aren't feeding cows, we are feeding rumen bugs, and I figured if a cow doctor is talking about leaky gut and managing gastorintestinal health, it most definitely applies to people as well!  It isn't easy, it isn't quick, it isn't fun, but it sure beats being sick all the time!  The answer isn't another supplement or drug or essential oil or certain diet or exercise or avoiding certain things, it's just plain old hard work and common sense, and in an age where we just hit a button and have the world at our fingertips, that is very difficult indeed.  I really miss pizza and brownies and a thousand other things, but it just isn't worth it.  And don't try changing everything overnight, pick one thing and work on that, gradually work it into your lifestyle, and instead of focusing on what you can't have, pick something good that you can!

Hope for those without pierced ears!

 I have one of my grandmother's clip on ear rings in a box in the basement, she never would/could (not sure which) get her ears pierced and though a little clumsy looking, it reminds me of her, but I only have one and wouldn't ever wear something like that so it has never been worn since she died.  I've had my ears pierced since I was a teenager but can't wear anything, literally anything, gold, surgical steel, silver, nope, my ears blow up and it just isn't worth it and when I think of clip-ons I think of grandma and smile wistfully but don't think any more about wearing such things myself.  Then I got a text from a friend with some weird twisted wire contraption that looks really elegant and makes you look like you have elf ears to boot.  I don't want to wear something like that for everyday, but it would be fun for those rare occasions when you can actually dress up as an adult.  But it also got me curious as to other, similar options.  It is called an ear wrap or an ear cuff, basically its a piece of jewelry that can stay in/on your ears without piercings to hold them in place.  There are a variety of options available on etsy, eBay, and amazon, so have fun!  I ordered several and have found they both stay in and are not uncomfortable and look great!