The third sign of the apocalypse?

 So I was at the store the other day and came across a meat-lovers frozen pizza that boasted vegan 'meat,' 'cheese,' and a gluten free crust, and instead of rejoicing that I had found a 'pizza' I could actually eat, I was rather confused.  Just for fun I googled reviews on the thing and found it was either the best thing ever or akin to eating plastic, and at $10 for a rather dismal serving size, I wasn't going to investigate further, no matter how curious.  Looking at the ingredients it was mostly tapioca starch and pea protein (crust, cheese, pepperoni, and sausage all!).  Frozen pizza in general is rather questionable, there are a few brands that are pretty good, but this looked like an el cheapo one wherein the box is actually more tasty, to say nothing of everything on it is fake but the sauce!  You can make a good gluten free pizza crust, I've done it, but I don't know if you can combine gluten free and frozen pizza and come up with something edible, to say nothing of the 'cheese' and 'meat.'

I've tried that brand of fake cheese, desperate to make an edible dairy free pizza at home, but it just isn't the same.  It sort of melts, but doesn't brown and certainly doesn't stretch, rather all I see, and taste!, are sad globs of tapioca starch all over my sad little pizza.  And since I gave up processed meats (good bye pepperoni and sausage) there's no point in even trying to eat pizza at all, but now I can eat the pea protein equivalent, ugh!  I really don't understand the logic behind this monstrosity (assuming there is any?).  I thought we were all about less processed stuff, real food, that sort of thing, but this is like eating an organic Oreo: what's the point?!  If you want to eat vegan or must, that is your choice and you have every right to eat whatever you want, but this?!  There are some really cool things you can do to fruits and vegetables to make them even more tasty and appetizing without torturing them into a shape and nature not their own.  What cheap hotdogs do to actual meat is what this catastrophe does to vegan fare!

I understand that longing for the comfort food of your youth, really, I do, giving up cheese due to a food sensitivity is one of the hardest things I've ever done, and unlike gluten or milk, I can't find a decent substitute and must adapt and learn to live without it, including real pizza; I'd rather go without than eat a horrible, and expensive, imitation with no nutritional value.  Maybe it is just that I have to make everything at home and have grown used to homemade quality, maybe if you eat el cheapo frozen pizza regularly this isn't much different (because those aren't real either!).  I used to love Kraft Mac and Cheese and stuff like that too, before necessity made me learn to make everything myself, and now I don't find any of it appetizing, which is a good thing, as then I won't drool all over my husband's frozen pizza when next we have pizza night (a decent brand!).  How is that for ironic?  I make a homemade gluten free pizza for my son and bake a regular frozen pizza for my husband and daughter, when I used to make it from scratch, but it gets kind of crowded and busy in my kitchen to make a regular wheat pizza, a gluten free pizza with real cheese, and a batch of gluten free bread sticks (with vegan butter and nutritional yeast) for me, I was starting to feel like a pizzeria so it was easy enough to buy a good quality frozen wheat pizza for half the family and worry about making homemade what must be homemade.

Why not have a veggie pizza with real veggies instead of a pizza with fake meat and fake cheese, at least the real veggies might salvage the fake cheese?  Why this urge to eat something fake just to feel like you are eating something real?  But perhaps it is only a reflection of our larger cultural moment, social media has corrupted our vision of everything, we can edit our lives to be whatever we want them to be, at least to the world's perception, so why not our diet?  I want to eat meat and cheese and pizza and bread, no matter my dietary restrictions or preferences, so that is what I am going to do, even if it is actually none of those things!  To think a pizza might cause one to pause and consider the larger questions of life!  Who are you? Why are you here?  Are you merely a perception of those around you, is that all that matters, or are you a real, authentic person when the camera is off and no one is around?  Are you a fake pizza or the real thing?  Don't be a sad blob of soggy tapioca starch atop the pizza of life, be a pepperoni or an olive or real cheese, whatever you are called to be!