On being snowed in

When it snows on the East coast of North America, it makes national headlines.  When it snows in the northern midwest, nobody bats an eye, but then nobody on the East coast cares much what happens here anyway.  I have found that one's appreciation of snow is inversely proportional to the importance of getting somewhere in the midst of a blizzard.  If you have to be somewhere, you absolutely hate snow and its delaying effect, but if you don't want to go to school or don't have to be anywhere, you sit and watch it snow in anticipation or delight (this is why kids love winter and most adults abhor it).  When I had to be at work, no matter what, or had to be out working in it, I deplored snow, but I am now reacquainting myself with my childhood affectation for this wintry phenomenon.  It was predicted last night that we would get around a foot of snow with a strong wind, and though we apparently only received a third of this amount, it is a wet, heavy snow that was preceded by freezing rain while the wind was just as promised, resulting in a veritable freeze in daily life until the storm has blown itself out and we ants can go about clearing our driveways and roads of hazardous precipitation.  Meanwhile, we get to experience what I have not had since childhood: a veritable snow day!  So break out the board games, the videos, the hot chocolate, and stay in your pajamas to make the most of it.  One wonders if American family life would be in a far better state if we were all forced to be snowed in with our loved ones more often?

A Few Sneaky Kitchen Tricks

Busy?  Who isn't, but who has time to cook?  You can probably whip up a home cooked meal faster than you think, especially if you plan ahead and stock your shelves and freezer in anticipation.  It will also save money and time as you can stock up when stuff is on sale rather than running to the store to buy something at the last minute.  Here are a few useful tricks that make life in my kitchen much easier.

Vegetables: here in Siberia, fresh produce is available for about 2 months of the year, the rest of the time we have to subsist on frozen or canned veggies or eat something that is half way to becoming a raisin or compost.  Thankfully, many vegetables freeze or can well and this makes them rather handy for quick meal preparations, just dump and go, no more peeling, cutting, rinsing…  I also like to chop up things like onions, celery, mushrooms, and peppers and throw them in the freezer in a plastic zipper bag so when I need half a cup of minced onion all I have to do is whack the frozen mass on the counter, take out what I need, and continue on with my life.  This works well for veggies going into a cooked dish, but they get soggy when thawed so don't serve them raw.  It is also nice to buy a bag of something, chop it all at once, freeze it, and have it there when you need it.  Don't do this to a potato, it just makes a mess.

Meat: buying your meat in bulk on sale can save money and taking it home and freezing it in usable size portions will also save you time, you can even cook your hamburger ahead of time or cube your stew meat before freezing.

Cheese: shredded cheese keeps well in the freezer and is a handy addition to many recipes, stock up when it goes on sale.  Refreeze anything you won't use within a day or two to avoid molding.

Shortcuts: the current trend is to move away from prepackaged items and make your own from scratch, which is great if you have the time but keeping a selection of canned soups, rice mixes, boxed pastas, cheesy potatoes, pasta sauce, salad dressings, etc. can be a lifesaver to a harried cook.  You can make your own cream of something soup from scratch, but when all you have to do is open a can and boil noodles, you can have supper on the table in half an hour.  I like to use a boxed rice or pasta dish as a base and often add veggies, meat, cheese, and/or a sauce to make it a meal.  They also make handy side dishes when you need to round out a meal at the last minute.  Think of macaroni and cheese as a blank canvas rather than as something that might kill you, I don't think it has been proven to cause cancer yet, so eat up!

Spices: learn to use spices to add flavor without adding salt to recipes, you can also make your own sauces and dressings that suite your own taste.  Figure out what you like, experiment, and have fun.  The dollar store or a local bulk grocer often sell decent spices for much less.  You can make your own taco seasoning, spaghetti sauce, etc. rather than buying a pre-made mix.

Starch: keep a variety of noodles, rice, tortillas, potatoes (fresh or frozen (french fries, etc), bread, etc. on hand to round out your meals.  I like making buns or french bread and then freezing them while they are still warm.  Zap them in the microwave when needed and they taste fresh.    

The ultimate toy!

I have searched the world over (at least the internet) to find the best toy in the world.  And I have found it.  I think I may start selling them on ebay.  Ready?  The Box.  Yes, the box!  A three dimensional rectangle made of cardboard and perfectly designed for just about any purpose, real or imagined.  Of course kids have known this all along, but now it is official!  On sale this week only for $29.99 (plus shipping, handling, and tax).  Batteries not included.  Get yours today!

On Alternative Lifestyles

A recent article highlighting the alternative lifestyle of an Olympic gold medalist is causing quite a stir amongst a subpopulation who had pretty much given up on ever being considered trendy, interesting, or nontraditional, but it seems all that is about to change.  In our ever changing and evolving culture, what was once considered 'normal' is apparently the new 'radical,' and what was once 'radical' is now run of the mill, ho-hum, everyday 'normal.'  So what is this trendy new lifestyle choice?  Hold onto your socks, the 1950's are back!  Yes, if you want to be the coolest cat in town, just get married (to a person of the opposite gender) and have a kid or three.  There you have it folks, heterosexual marriage with biological children, the so-called traditional family, is now nontraditional.  So let's hear what people are saying about this new lifestyle choice:

"I'm thrilled, absolutely thrilled!  I never thought I would see the day when we were 'cool!'  My husband and I had always thought we were a little weird or outdated or something.  It was one of those things you just couldn't talk about at the office or the playground.  You just felt like there was something wrong with you, that it was not socially acceptable, that the world looked down on you, but it isn't that way any more!  My daughters would come home in tears because they didn't have two mommies or half  siblings or because they actually knew who their father was; they didn't have a 'cool' family like all the other kids.  Now they can be as proud of their 'stodgy' married, opposite gender parents as all their friends are of their various and assorted family makeups."  ~Susan Sawyer, wife and mother of two.

"I don't know, I think we have enough letters as it is.  People are starting to think it is some sort of alternative alphabet or something already.  We've used most of the letters, maybe they could start some sort of an auxiliary group or something.  I'm also a bit disappointed, it is getting to be like in grade school where everybody is special which means that really, no one is.  It is kind of weird to have society considering us 'normal' and the so-called nuclear family is now the 'alternative.'  I guess I'm really gonna miss being 'special,' but I guess we had our turn and now someone else gets a chance."  Pat Rick, spokesperson for the LGTBQUDOCISLFMHA, Swamp River Tennessee Chapter.  

"I'm jealous, really.  I thought polygamy would go mainstream before this happened.  We are always getting overlooked, forgotten, and neglected.  It just isn't fair!  We are the true 'alternative lifestyle' if you ask me.  What's so exciting about only one wife anyway?  I hate that we still have to hide who and what we are when these people are now socially acceptable.  When will it be our turn?"  Molly (not her real name), wife 3/5 of an unnamed man.

"It really weirds me out.  Who does that sort of thing any more?  What is this, the 1950's?  Next we'll be applauding home schooling, floor length skirts, and people who have more than two kids!  I bet this skier guy's wife never even completed high school, let alone went to college.  What kind of an example is she setting?  If she wants to date men, fine.  Or have a kid, fine.  But why does she need to go all retro on us?  She is a disgrace to the feminist community.  The least they could do is keep this sort of thing quiet."  Mary Marks, spokeswoman for the Radical Fems society at Alma Mater College, Swamp River New Jersey.

(This 'article' is complete fiction folks, provided only for amusement purposes, all of the interviewees are figments of the author's imagination.  The source article is real, but this is just a silly response to it.)

A bit of earth

I have always loved growing things, but have usually been restricted to things that can grow indoors in a flower pot.  I did attempt to grow squash in a large container outside at our apartment one year but it was too hot (I only had a southern exposure with no shade) and though the poor plant tried it only yielded up on 4 inch specimen large enough for a single serving (for which my husband was happy, he hates squash) and a 1 inch specimen that was good only for Barbie and her friends, but was rather amusing to show off as the fruits of my labor!  Now I actually have the chance to grow things outside, in the ground!  I feel like Mary from the Secret Garden asking, 'for a bit of earth.'  Winter still has us in its cold clutches for another 6-8 weeks but I will attempt to start some flowers inside to alleviate my spring fever.  The problem is I don't know much about this new climate/soil, it is a very different area from that in which I grew up, but I suppose gardening is all about experimentation (and luck).  I may even try another squash.

How to cook?

Can you learn to cook in one easy blog post?  Don't be ridiculous!  Will I teach you the art of cooking in one blog post?  Maybe, or at least I will try to convince you that anyone and everyone can tackle the basics and manage to survive eating what comes out of their own kitchen (frozen dinners do not count).  First, a few ground rules:

1. Cooking is an art, baking is a science.
2. Own a good, basic cookbook (betty crocker, better homes and gardens, cooking for idiots, whatever, just own something that will teach you the basics of boiling water, measuring, nutrition, spices, implements…).
3. Do not be afraid to try, just try new things or you will never get anywhere.
4. Use what you have on hand and expand from there, do not go out and buy all sorts of fancy ingredients, pans, or kitchen doodads, just use what you have and gradually add to your inventory as you figure out what you like/want.
5. Start simple.  If you have never boiled water or fried an egg, these are great skills to master before trying to make a soufflé.  Don't discourage yourself by trying something too complicated at the start.
6. Cook something you will eat.  Don't make snails and then wonder if it turned out because you can't find anyone to try it.  As the saying goes, 'the proof is in the pudding,' but only if you like pudding, if you don't like pudding try something else.
7. You will never be a perfect cook and there will always be someone better than you, the goal is to become a competent cook, not a cordon bleu graduate or the next celebrity chef.
8. No watching the weird chef competitions on the food channel, they rarely make anything edible or with home application.
9. Use common sense: cook meat and eggs well, wash your hands, etc.  Don't make yourself or your victims (I mean guests) sick by ignoring precautions that are meant to keep you happy and healthy.  Salmonella is not fun.

1. Cooking as art:
Cooking is an art, just like painting or singing.  It is a learned skill and some people have a more natural talent for it than others, but most people can do it to some degree or other.  It is also very flexible and there is room for substitution, personal taste, and creativity.  'Good' also varies widely between critics.  I do not like seafood, therefore I will never call a seafood dish, 'good.'  Learn what you like, the techniques that work for you, the ingredients you prefer, and have fun.  As an art, it takes practice.  The best way to practice is to do it, keep doing it, and to occasionally challenge yourself.  Study your basic cookery book, browse online for recipes and tips, talk to other people, watch cooking shows with caution as you can get good tips but you can also get confused or discouraged (edamame?).  Cooking is very flexible but baking is much more precise.  Baking is more like chemistry than opera.  You can add as much or as little salt as you want to your spaghetti sauce, but follow the recipe closely if you are attempting cookies, bread, or anything in that family.  Why?  Cooking is a matter of taste, whereas the ingredients in a baking recipe interact to produce the final product and altering the recipe slightly can significantly alter the results.  Think of mixing the wrong chemicals in chem lab and accidentally setting the lab on fire.  Don't mess with a bread recipe until you are well versed in bread and know what will happen if you leave the sugar out to save a few calories (and end up with bread that won't rise for some, strange reason).  You can be creative with your baking recipes, but cooking is much more flexible than its more persnickety cousin.

2-3. Owning a cookbook and overcoming fear:
The hardest part of making balloon animals is not being afraid to pop the balloon in the attempt.  The same goes for cooking.  Be willing to burn something, to be laughed at because something tastes funny, to try things that are slightly outside your comfort zone.  Get a friend or relative to help you get started if you have no idea what you are doing.  Own a good, basic cookbook and reference it often.  When I left home I could boil water and brown hamburger, but not much else.  Trial and error and Betty Crocker taught me much.  There are some great resources online, but a good 'flesh and blood' cookbook is invaluable in the kitchen and it will not blow up when you spill marinara sauce on it.  Start easy, start simple, and branch out from there.  Have fun and remember this is the one discipline where you get to eat your mistakes.  Make something you like and find a recipe online to try at home.  Ever wanted to make bagels or lo mien?  Give it a try!

4-6. On simplicity, buying stuff, and menu choice:
If you inherited a kitchen full of 'junk' from various relatives, neighbors, and fate, great!  Cooking does not require thousands of dollars invested in professional grade pans to start.  Plastic margarine tubs are just as usable as that expensive tupperware thingamajig.  Garage sales, thrift stores, the dollar store, and your aunt's basement are great places to find bits and pieces to round out your kitchen paraphernalia.  You don't need to own a waffle cone baker unless you plan on opening a custom ice cream store.  As for ingredients, if you have only ketchup and beer in your fridge you may want to go shopping but again, start simple.  Find a recipe that calls for salt, pepper, ketchup, and beer; you have just added salt and pepper to your stash.  Add to your collection gradually, figure out what you like and don't like.  If you can get it on sale or at the dollar store, even better!  As you figure out what you are doing, you can continue to expand and improve your collection of kitchen junk and ingredients, don't do it all at once.  Make things suited to your taste preferences, with equipment you have (or can borrow), with ingredients you have or want to own.  I do not know if I can make good seafood, as I don't like it so can't appraise my skill so I don't make it.  Watch out for all the 'fad' type cooking too.  If you can't afford organic, buy regular stuff.  Don't feel like you have to substitute splenda for sugar or avoid gluten unless your doctor says so.  First learn to cook, then worry about specialty cooking.  Don't start doing something just because 'everyone else is doing it,' begin as you plan to continue, you can always specialize later.  Onions are just fine if you can't get leeks.  I don't know what edamame is.  You can use regular vegetable oil if you can't afford olive oil.  Don't be intimidated (or discouraged) by people that insist there is only one way to cook (their way) because there isn't.  Do what works for you, your budget, your taste, the items available in your area, your dietary needs, and your personal beliefs/preferences.

7-9. Celebrity cooks and food safety:
Just like a neophyte singer probably should not watch American Idol, neither should a natal chef watch some of those crazy cooking shows.  Sure, you can get some tips and learn what you can aspire to, but you can also get some bad habits, get discouraged, and get really confused.  Duck feet ice cream anyone?  That was from the last show I watched, definitely a great starter recipe!  Instead, invite your friends over and have your own 'kitchen show' night.  Have fun, be creative, and keep trying, that is how you learn to cook: by doing it.  And just remember to use common sense when handling food.  Refrigerate leftovers, cook meats and eggs thoroughly, wash produce well, wash your hands and counters frequently, avoid unpasteurized dairy products…you get the idea.  This does not mean you can't sample the cookie dough on occasion but I would avoid sampling the raw hamburger.  Use your brain and have fun.

 

Really good honey mustard

I love honey mustard, but no two are alike and I can't find a brand I really like, and most contain dijon (of which I am not fond), so I finally found a quick and tasty recipe that I love and can make at home.  It can also be easily adjusted for quantity and taste.  It is great for salads, sandwiches, a dipping sauce, and even makes a tasty chicken marinade.

You will need:

1/4 cup miracle whip light (you can use mayo if you prefer)
1 Tbsp yellow mustard
1 Tbsp vinegar (I use white, but use your favorite)
1 Tbsp honey (or sugar or favorite sweetener)

Mix it all together in a small plastic container and let the flavors blend for at least an hour in the fridge and then enjoy as you will or store for later use.  I add a little black pepper and celery salt too.

Dessert for cheaters

Want a delicious (and really easy) dessert that looks like you have been in the kitchen for hours?  Try this peach cobbler recipe that uses canned peaches.

You will need:

1/2 stick melted butter (1/4 cup)

1 cup flour
1 cup sugar
1/4 tsp salt
1 Tbsp baking POWDER
3/4 cup whole milk

1 29 oz can sliced peaches in syrup (heavy syrup is best for flavor, but I have used the light too)

1 1/4 tsp vanilla extract

1/4 tsp cinnamon

1-2 Tbsp citrus fruit juice (1/2 lemon or small orange, lemon juice, grapefruit or orange juice, whatever you have on hand)

Vanilla ice cream (not mandatory but it makes the dessert!)

What to do:

Pour the butter into an 11x7x2 glass baking dish (this is a weird size and the only recipe I have ever seen that asks for this pan size, thankfully I had one inherited from my great grandmother, use whatever you have on hand).  The main trick with this recipe is not to stir between layers, which is weird but it works.  Mix together the dry ingredients (flour through baking powder) and then stir in the milk, mixing well.  Pour the batter into the pan with the butter and DO NOT STIR.  Top the batter with the peaches, juice and all.  Spread them out evenly but don't stir.  Pour the vanilla over the entire pan, sprinkle it with cinnamon, then pour the juice over top of it all.  Bake at 375 until golden brown and bubbly, serve warm with ice cream.  Reheats well in the microwave (one serving at a time).

Cannibalism and artificial coloring, oh my!

I believe I have discovered the last nutritional bastion of evil on the planet!  We have already had uproars about every type of human edible item, dilemmas about cattle feed, and near panic over dog treats made in china, but woefully our society has neglected our aquatic friends, yes, the goldfish's day has come at last.  I have two finned children, two common platys each a year old, sadly their algae consuming brother vanished a month or two ago; the local constabulary is still investigating the disappearance; you have probably seen it on the nightly news.  But with all this hullabaloo revolving around every sort of eatable on the planet, I am disgusted that more attention has not been paid to the baleful plight of our dear submerged companions!    If goats deserve dietary justice, why not the guppy?  This wanton discrimination must stop and for it to stop the ignorance must be dispersed.  Link this highly educational article to all your virtual friends and shine light in the darkness, let the revolution begin!  Yes, these poor aquatic prisoners are forced to consume a diet whose main ingredient is fish meal which makes our unhappy ichthean brothers involuntary cannibals, a situation NEVER encountered in nature.  Not to mention that this vile formula, undoubtedly common to all commercial fish diets, contains artificial colors, chemicals no one but a chemistry major could pronounce, and even possibly GMOs but thankfully no high fructose corn syrup.  Phone your senator immediately and demand action!  This is an emergency, let our finned friends suffer no longer!  We want organic, non-fish, non-gmo, non-corn syrup, no artificial colors, all natural, etc. etc. fish diets and we want it now!  This heinous act must stop!

Yes, this post is completely ridiculous and was meant to be!  I have a couple fish but no finned children, alas the algae eater did vanish but we decided to treat it as a private matter and have not called the police about it.  And yes, in the wild or captivity, fish are quite fond of eating one another.  Those dangerous and unpronounceable chemicals are vitamins.  I was just feeding the poor creatures this morning and glanced at the label, and wondered what it might sound like if I put this silly issue into dramatic language to create a 'crisis.'  We have been upset about worse!  It seems anything can be an 'issue' if someone phrases it the right way.  Let us hope this does not go viral and actually become an issue, as I will no longer be able to afford fish food in the future if the alarmists have their way and the poor dears must go hungry.