My favorite scene in the movie '27 Dresses' involves the sister of the bride going off to some swanky department store to complete the couple's bridal registry. Some whimsical, silly fit seems to possess her and she registers for all sorts of random things, each more funny than the last. I've always wanted to do that. And why not? Bridal and baby registries are wasted on the young, right? So what if I don't live within three hours of the nearest department store? First time moms and brides to be have no clue what they want or need, shouldn't it be us old hats out there strutting our stuff? And technically I am an 'expectant mother,' at least that's what the social worker said when our home study was approved, so what if it's been two years? Okay, I convinced myself and went online to my favorite big box store and opened a baby registry (keeping it strictly private of course, I certainly don't expect anyone to buy something off the list, rather it was just an exercise in what might happen if I could do it all over again, older and hopefully wiser and less nervous so I can have a bit of fun too).
But it really wasn't all that fun. Here I could put anything and everything on the list, I was all set to have the time of my life, but it all seemed rather pointless and hollow. Yay, more cute onesizes, uh huh, already have 19 of those on the list. Look at those cute patterns for car seats, but I already have 3 I like on the list...it isn't the planning, the nursery, the clothes, the gender reveal party...none of that matters in the long run. Perhaps such things are better left to the 'young,' or at least the innocent and wide eyed girls who are about to embark on some great stage of this journey called life. Yes, they have no idea what they are getting into, but they are so eager and hopeful and happy that you can't but be happy for them, and therein relive your own wide eyed eagerness a little too. I think that's why people love grandkids so much: it lets them be young again without having the headache of parenting. Maybe kid rentals will be a viable future business model instead of parenting; that's a frightening idea!
It isn't the wedding, the number of guests, the DJ, the flowers, the music, or the meal. It isn't the frilly dresses or adorable toys. It is the journey itself: the marriage or the parenting, that matters, that means something. It's all the struggle and frustration, joy and fear, sorrow and love, pain and fun that make up this messy, wonderful thing called relationships and family. They go in as wide eyed, eager kids but come out men and women, building character and lives and leaving a legacy that their great grandchildren will aspire to emulate, at least that is the hope. But we give up so easily now, our tastes change, our love grows cold, something else sparks our interest. We give up, abandon it all, seeking gold at the end of another rainbow, little understanding that chasing rainbows won't make us happy or give us purpose and fulfillment, rather holding fast when the weather gets rough and not giving up when the clouds come in, when the winds howl and you can't see the stars, by coming through the storm, that's how to find true joy, true love, the real purpose and meaning in life.
So go register for your trendy china pattern that you'll never use. Get two or three wipes warmers just in case. And have a good laugh about it in a year or five. But when the storms come, when frustration builds, fear threatens, doubt or tedium fall upon you, or grief rears its head, hold on, remember the who and the why of how you got there in the first place. It isn't the what. That stuff is necessary and fun, but it isn't the most important thing. If you want the best gift of all, you'll have to wait and work for it, but you'll never doubt it was the right thing to do when you finally get there.
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