On trendy workouts and the dreams of little girls

I took a dance class when I was five and the most memorable part of the whole experience?  The Dr. Seuss bookmark we received as a parting gift of course...I don't think I'll ever live long enough to understand five year olds, even having been one and now owning one...maybe with the grandkids?  The great grandkids?  Oh well, back to the topic at hand, I was reading this article and though not particularly interested in the 'body image within ballet' topic of the article, there was an undercurrent of ballet's influence on modern culture that was very intriguing, including the mention of something called Barre.  Apparently it's a rather popular workout trend incorporating some of the aspects of ballet into the routine (yes, it's been popular for a couple years, but I live 80 miles from the nearest gym and several thousand miles from either coast!).  I've already developed a pointless affectation for floaty-twirly skirts and would love to sport the updos (though am grievously lacking in the hair required to do so) so why not look into a little of the physical training aspect of the discipline that I can possibly do at home (again, no gym or ballet studio for an obscene count of miles!).  So of course I googled it and found this article that has links to 7 different workouts and I chose one just to see what happened.

I am not coordinated enough for group activities like aerobics nor do I have the endurance for prolonged high energy output.  Combine that with shaky joints that like to hyper-extend and parts that don't stay in place (like knee caps!) and finding an exercise routine that will keep me interested, motivated, that I can do at home, and that doesn't kill me physically sounds like an impossibility, but I've been doing the workout I chose for 40 minutes a day 3 days a week and still look forward to my next class.  I really like that it works on building core strength and balance but also gives you the option of an aerobic workout if you're up for it; you can also modify the moves so they are more accessible to your physical needs and fitness level.  I will never audition for Swan Lake, but I've really enjoyed exploring this current 'fad' in fitness routines and more importantly, it gets me moving, keeps me moving, and motivated and that's a very good thing, especially with Christmas cookie season looming!

My good opinion once lost...

I remember someone had a shirt in high school (one of the few things I remember from that bygone era) that had a picture of a very grouchy looking Yosemite Sam on it with the saying, 'if I want your opinion I'll give it to you.'  I was rather puzzled back then as to the meaning of the shirt, but now I get it.  My only conundrum now is how is it that Yosemite Sam knows what it is to be a mother in this day and age?

I am so tired of everyone and their dog, well maybe not the dog, dogs at least don't talk, but everyone else has an opinion on what my baby should be doing at this moment developmentally and if she isn't,  they know instinctively how to rectify the matter, especially if they've never had kids.  Complete strangers at the grocery store, grandparents, the garbage man and UPS guy, the internet is rife with such personages...  Yes, she spits up, a lot.  No, she isn't sleeping through the night.  Okay, her head is maybe a wee bit flat but we have her on her stomach as much as physically possible.  Yes, we've tried just about everything, so please no more comments about cereal, which supposedly fixes everything from spit-up to midnight feedings (it doesn't, at least not for my kid), or burping or essential oils or...  Unless you spend 24/7 with this budding human, please do not weigh in on the subject unless asked, what worked for your kid or that internet guru may or may not work for ours, but we've probably already tried it, so thanks for your concern and good intentions, but please, no more good advice!

I think that may be the best gift anyone can give a mom, new or veteran: silence, blissful silence, at least when it comes to 'how' to mother.  She knows this child better than anyone ever will, she knows what works and what doesn't.  She's stressed and guilty and terrified enough, please don't make her feel even more so.  Give her your unflagging support and encouragement instead, tell her what she's doing well or that her baby looks great or just listen as she unloads verbally about sleepless nights and screaming infants or maybe even have a real adult conversation with her that has nothing to do with co-sleeping or organic diapers!

The Second Worst

So my all time least favorite Christmas song is 'Hippopatomus For Christmas,' yes it is cute and amusing the first time you hear it, but after that it is just plain annoying.  My next least favorite is 'Two Front Teeth,' and no, I won't justify such atrocious creations as 'Santa Baby' by calling it and its ludicrous cousins music so therefore they can't be on my list of least favorite songs.  Sadly, my son is singing the latter for his school 'Winter Concert.'  I've long dreaded the day when my own kids would have to sing such vapid ditties to satisfy the warm and fuzzy holiday yearnings of a politically correct parent population.  Personally I'd rather forego the exercise altogether, since there is absolutely no meaning in any of it, and have them sing some good secular music instead and reserve the 'Holiday Cheer' for a venue that actually places some meaning and value on the season, rather than singing mediocre music with a vaguely holiday theme that satisfies nobody.  After such a display I feel like I've bitten into a seemingly ooey gooey fudgie brownie only to discover it is one of those anathema vegan concoctions containing black beans and artificial sweetener instead.  I think Ebenezer Scrooge might have won the 'Christmas Wars' after all!  Maybe I'd better reread 'A Christmas Carol' just to make sure it ends how I thought it did.  I would love to know what Jane Austen would think of the absurdity of our modern notion that we must certainly celebrate Christmas but not in such a way that anyone would know that we're celebrating Christmas: I'll just have to mull over that amusing theory while listening to the next twelve years of requisite 'Winter' concerts, happy thought indeed!

Not your ordinary kitchen disaster

We all have our favorite kitchen disaster story, or own or one to rib a friend or family member with, but I just topped my own record.  I fell in love with a certain brand of honey mustard pretzels, and being the cheapskate, I mean frugal person that I am, I thought I'd save a few bucks and make my own.  I did an online search for recipes but the reviews all said there was little flavor or they were soggy; the recipe called for vegetable oil mixed with a little mustard, one reviewer suggested a water based glaze to avoid the soggy factor.  My brilliant idea was why not just use actual mustard, a whole cup of it, which I jazzed up a bit with some seasonings, coated my sourdough pretzels, and baked them in the oven until dry.  The pretzels turned out great, but apparently I unleashed a weapon even Hitler refrained from using: mustard gas.  I started getting a headache and sick to my stomach so I opened up the windows, turned on the oven fan, packed up the baby, and left the house.  Long story short, don't attempt this project without adequate ventilation or just spend the extra money and buy the pre-made pretzels!